To be annoyed when asked to help out at a party that my kids aren't invited...

[Freakindeakin]

So a friend is having a birthday party for her child and her child has chosen the friends they want to invite. This does not include my children which isn't a problem, even though they are close, my kids don't even know it's happening.

But now I've been asked to help out at the party last minute. I'm happy to help as we help each other out a lot, but it means changing our plans of going out for the day and my kids will probably find out about the party and they're too young to understand why they won't be able to go.

Aibu to be slightly annoyed and how can I tactfully let her know?? I don't want to hurt her feelings as she wouldn't do it intentionally but it will really hurt my child's feelings if they find out they weren't invited to the party.

I would say no.

Really? You would let your OWN children down to help out a friend at a party yours aren't invited to?? Why would you do that?

"But now I've been asked to help out at the party last minute. I'm happy to help as we help each other out a lot, but it means changing our plans of going out for the day and my kids will probably find out about the party and they're too young to understand why they won't be able to go."

Do not change your plans. Your children will be doubly disappointed. How can you do this to them?

You don't need to be rude to the other mum. Just put on an apologetic face and say that you would love to help but you already have plans with your children, plus you can't get childcare. Simple.

Just suggest that she ask the parents of the kids attending the party.

What ages are the children?

What does she think you will be doing with your kids while you are helping at her child's party?? This is seriously weird behaviour on her part!

^^^^ This - and what every other poster has said!

At best she is totally insensitive - at worst she is taking the lend. I wouldn't do it in these circumstances.

Why did you say yes? Should have said "sorry, got plans with the DCs, can you ask one of (child's) friends parents? If you're super stuck let me know - but DCs will need to come and join in and I know that wasn't the original plan."

I think you should cancel the cheque

I grew up in a family where my needs were routinely ignored in favour of DM's friends, acquaintances, people she'd met once in the bakery

SNAP!

What a cheek! No would be my answer. And if you did decide to help it would be on condition you children go to the party as you now 'have no childcare'!

Please don't do it
Spend the day with your own kids they are more important

This reminds me of the thread where the 'Save the Date' cards for a wedding didn't result in an actual invite to the wedding but the 'guest' was asked to help decorate the hall...it's probably in classics at this stage. 4 separate thread (I think) were devoted to this bridezilla and her brass neck!

Say no. For the love of God say no to being able to help. You will feel the better for it and so will your kids.

Why are you worried about being tactless to someone so fucking rude and self-absorbed?

You don't want to hurt your child's feelings but you also refer to having kids/children i.e more than one... is only one DC old enough to understand? If so then you'd be very unreasonable to let your good friend down for the sake of your kid being unable to understand that your friend is more important...I mean no one in their right mind would think you were being reasonable to find your friend's request "slightly" annoying now would they?

Must admit I saw this and thought it sounded like Gluezilla 2!

Just say 'no'. Use what PP have suggested; point out that you have plans with your DC already so you can't change them as there is nobody else to look after the DC.

How is this even a dilemma?

What sort of sap do you have to be to give up plans with your family in order to help out at your friend's kids' party which your own children haven't even been invited to?

How does that even become something to consider? What is going on here? I don't understand.

Whatcha I remember that thread!

The cheek...the utter, brassnecked, self-important outright cheek of that bride. Astounding!!

Decline, and send Sylvanian Families toys as a gift.

But I do hope JustSpeakSense is right!

ABSOLUTELY NO
If your kids aren't invited, then you don't help.
Simples.

You can't change plans you've made with your children to help at another child's party they're not going to. That's incredibly unfair to them.

You have a prior engagement. You're not available to help out at this party. I can't actually believe you'd even consider dumping your own children's plans to do this, any more than your friend would have the nerve to ask! For goodness' sake, no!

Tell your 'friend' your kids have been invited to an amaaazing party so you cant help

Why do you think it is a tactless thing to say no? You have perfectly valid reasons to do so.

Has OP even been back?