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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

218 replies

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 21:14

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

OP posts:
Ineedmorelemonpledge · 21/11/2016 20:16

Glad to see it wasn't trolling. It was, in fact, trolleying.

DownWithThisSortaThing · 21/11/2016 20:30

Good grief, what did I just read Confused
No idea why you are giving this any headspace with everything going on in your life.
Your attention and concern should really be on your 12 year old, the babies you are expecting and your broken relationship with their father rather than the new love interest and your ex-friend.
The last two are the least important things here.
Just forget about 'C' altogether

SuperFlyHigh · 21/11/2016 20:35

I still think you thrive on drama and gossip OP and until you sort that out in your life (I used to be a bit like you re courting drama and gossip) you will have no end of grief forevermore! I also think you need to sort this out in real life without coming to a forum for advice or validating your decisions. That for a mother shows a surprising lack of maturity. Sorry I sound harsh but I was actually concerned about you and the stress re all these dramas. You really need to concentrate on your unborn babies and 12 year old now.

And I've seen you here lunchtimes so the time difference doesn't really add up.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 21/11/2016 20:45

I wouldn't do anything, other than if it comes up, say "why believe the truth when a lie is so much more exciting?"

No one will take her seriously. You've split with the father of your kids to be with someone else, but actually you're in love with her, the one you've all but cut out of your life?! Plausible. Not.

PrivatePike · 21/11/2016 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bunnyfuller · 21/11/2016 20:54

I'm sure Jeremy would love this one

DotForShort · 21/11/2016 20:57

Why on earth did MNHQ change the title? How very silly.

I hope life calms down for you, OP.

DramaInPyjamas · 21/11/2016 21:07

MNHQ, why change the title of the thread?
I agree, completely silly and unnecessary, there was nothing wrong with it Confused

[is it so you can sell it to the daily mail?] Wink

slenderisthenight · 21/11/2016 21:11

Your poor kids.

glitterazi · 21/11/2016 21:34

I've read the whole thread and I think that your priorities are all skewed.
Seriously, why are you stressing over wanting to confront your friend for saying you're not friends any more because you fancy her?!
Roll your eyes, laugh and let the silly mare get on with it if she is doing that. Don't even give it headspace.
Have you seen the film Mean Girls?! It's all very Regina George and Janis!
"We fell out because she had a crush on me in 8th grade."
"Yeah, I did all this because I have a big, fat lesbian crush on YOU!" Grin
Seriously. It's high school "plastics" shit. Assuming you're not actually still in the school playground, leave her in it to play her games and adult instead!

WaitrosePigeon · 21/11/2016 21:40

Well, I'm agog.

kali110 · 21/11/2016 21:54

I don't think the op is a troll, i've been on other threads with her (not her own).
I think right now jay you need to concentrate on your kids, not your new relationship.
It's ok if you've realised you're gay, but right now your ds needs you.
It sounds like you have a really good and supportive ex partner.
Your ds is going to be feeling a loss of his dad and confusion by your sudden new partner.
Take time out and concentrate on your ds and your dtwins!
It also wouldn't do any harm to not rub it in your expartners face, who sounds like he's been supprtive.
I think your focussing on this 'friend' instead of what's actually going on because it's easier.
Ignore her.
I hope you sort things out!

jayisforjessica · 21/11/2016 22:31

I asked MNHQ to change the title because I wrote it without thinking and other posters pointed out (rightly) that it was offensive.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 21/11/2016 22:39

I think you need to think a little more generally, before you open your mouth or type and press send OP.

mygorgeousmilo · 22/11/2016 00:32

I can't believe you're investing energy into this, when surely you have a 12yo to console and the impending arrival of twins. You've just broken up your relationship and are worried about someone spreading petty lies??? The truth is bad enough, really it is. The fact that you are obsessing over your friend group and who thinks what about you, says a lot about your priorities. I hope you've started a thread asking if you were unreasonable to tear your relationship apart with someone seemingly wonderful, when you are pregnant and have a child. YABU

TheDowagerCuntess · 22/11/2016 06:20

I'm in exactly the same time zone as you - I was simply assuming you hadn't been back because it had dawned on you that people were deeply disapproving of what you'd done, and you were embarrassed.

Not that you are a troll. A troll would be far preferable, when the non-troll option means a completely upturned, real-life 12YO boy...

SlottedSpoon · 22/11/2016 06:37

Jay read that post just there ^ from mygorgeousmilo

Read it once, read it twice and then read it ten times more until it sinks in and you know it by heart.

And then go away and have a good think about it.

Devilishpyjamas · 22/11/2016 06:56

I'd put your feet up OP - I'm exhausted reading all this & pretty soon you're going to have twins & won't have time to scratch your arse.

Spend time with your 12 year old whose life you have just turned upside down - surely no-one needs this much drama in their life?

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