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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

218 replies

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 21:14

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 21/11/2016 04:24

Jesus Christ, how old are you? Six? Let her make up rumours. It gives her something to do, and she can't hurt you. If someone asks, just tell them that it's not true.

RosieSW · 21/11/2016 04:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/11/2016 05:34

Wow.

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 21/11/2016 06:10

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

FannyWisdom · 21/11/2016 06:26

Bloody hell you must be knackered OP.

Stop fannying about with friends and Facebook and A,C and whichever other letter is bringing us sesame Street this week and get your head around the example you want your kids to see.

Perhaps stay single while you sort things.

Only1scoop · 21/11/2016 07:21

Bet DP is relieved you've ditched him for a 'mutual friend'

FairNotFair · 21/11/2016 08:03

Bloody hell you must be knackered OP

I'm exhausted just from reading it.

GeorgeTheThird · 21/11/2016 08:08

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

ScarletForYa · 21/11/2016 08:19

Stop fannying about with friends

Grin
Bluntness100 · 21/11/2016 08:22

I'd agree, this is all very petty and immature, bit disconcerting these are grown ups with kids, sounds like something out of mean girls.

Chairmanmeow1 · 21/11/2016 08:35

Georgethethird GrinGrin

CheesyCharlie · 21/11/2016 08:42

This is a soap opera post

OnionKnight · 21/11/2016 08:42

I've read agony aunt stories that are more believable than this.

Phalenopsisgirl · 21/11/2016 09:04

Advice? You are pregnant but already moving onto a new relationship. If you aren't happy with your partner then look at being alone with your dc and put them first. Pregnancy isn't a good time to make major life changes as you are far too hormonal, you may find yourself feeling very differently and your kids get dragged along with the roller coaster.

Rachel0Greep · 21/11/2016 09:10

I have seldom felt so thankful as I do right now for the sheer ordinariness of my life. Sorry OP, but I think what the other person may or not be saying is the least of your worries.

Ifitquackslikeaduck · 21/11/2016 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stitchglitched · 21/11/2016 09:41

Hang on, less than 4 weeks ago you posted that you love your DP but had started getting a crush on your friend. Getting crushes on others whilst in a relationship isn't that uncommon. But instead of waiting for it to pass and concentrating on your family unit you decide to make your partner homeless so he can no longer live with his 12 year old or his new babies, destroy your son's family unit at a time when he is dealing with 2 new siblings arriving and pursue a new relationship. If any of this is true you are so utterly selfish. Focusing on your friend's gossip about you instead of the trail of heartbreak and destruction you have created is just another example of your complete self absorption.

Crystal15 · 21/11/2016 09:50

Yea I agree you are a bit of a drama lama. I mean would it harm you to invite her to your house and let things go?

ElspethFlashman · 21/11/2016 10:07

Then there was a post on the 27th Oct that she and S had kissed for the first time.

Apparently that was enough to throw a hand grenade into the 12 year olds life. Not to mention the DHs life.

All that matters is OP here.

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 10:21

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

I know it's old but that never fails to make me laugh. Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 21/11/2016 10:50

OP I've read your update and no people don't think you're trolling due to grocery shopping at strange times but this really does seem bizarre.

I know too from friends how pregnancy affects them in strange ways sometimes and also you're bored if you can't maybe get out of the house as much as usual...

But over sharing here if it's all true and I don't doubt it it... It creates a massive drama llama type of person. I've had "dramas" here but I don't post all of them or live out them on AIBU etc because I know they're gossipy and potentially flame worthy.

You really only needed to post one thread re C and leave it there, this now with the additional extra info is over egging the pudding and makes you come off as more than a bit crazy.

Take care whatever you do. Try and make the most of the rest of your pregnancy and relax! Cake Brew Chocolate

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 11:01

Elspeth I know, it really is most odd, isn't it?

One day she's posting to say she's developing sexual feelings for one of her female friends but she loves her male partner and hasn't acted on those feelings.

Ten minutes later they've kissed and 15 minutes after that she's kicked her poor partner and father of her children out. Just like that. Confused

Do people really turn their families' lives upside down at this lightening pace, with so little serious thought? Shock

SuperFlyHigh · 21/11/2016 11:26

Slotted personally most people i know don't do this...

Also if OP is thinking she's bisexual and wanting a relationship with a woman, most lesbians will want to know if she's a lipstick lesbian so only after a fling or if she is interested in being a lesbian full stop. (This is through speaking to a lesbian/bi ex friend of mine and her friends). It's fine to get off with a woman but the lesbian won't want to be messed around by the straight woman and will be the "leader" or "initiator" into the lesbian lifestyle, lesbian sex etc. the straight woman will then have to follow suit or example. You do get lesbians who are fine with flings (eg straight women who want to be a lipstick lesbian) but you also get lesbians who have little truck/time for them and steer well clear. In my experience anyway!

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 11:37

Well I'm less interested in what lesbians do and don't do when starting new relationships and more concerned with what pregnant women with twelve year old sons and long term partners do. The sex of the person involved in their crush/fling is neither here nor there, really. It's the sheer speed with which this thing has been allowed to eclipse everything else going in her life that concerns me.

Namechangeemergency · 21/11/2016 11:44

Have you thought about approaching TLC or Channel 5 OP