**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

[jayisforjessica]

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

slotted what I'm saying is most lesbians or straight women entering into a lesbian relationship especially when kids are involved they usually don't do it at speed or they do and it can often crash and burn.

I admire your stamina OP. Good luck with your new babies, relationship and friendship adjustments.

Why is everyone being so rude? Half of you are bullying this woman don't you realise?

User1440 OP get a grip.

user check the posting history. She is a relatively new poster (I am not troll hunting!) who has posted a couple of drama ridden gossipy bitchy posts.

You couldn't make this latest one up! If it is true her life is one helluva car crash!

Waffles I thought OP was user too.

Sorry jayforjessica perhaps don't talk rubbish here or be a drama llama until you at least have had a 3 month initation period and understand the vipers ways....

Do people really turn their families' lives upside down at this lightening pace, with so little serious thought?

Yes they can. There is nothing as strange as human nature, and emotions. I work in a setting where I provide people with emotional difficulties, this story is sadly believable to me.

Missed out the word therapy there!

Private

You are posting because your friend (who you have de-friended) telling people you fancy her?

It'll blow over.

I think your DP ran when he saw he had a chance.

Who the he'll makes life changing decisions about who they fancy when they are pregnant? Finding that odd.

You've got a lot of energy OP I'll give you that. Are you taking any supplements because I wouldn't mind some myself.

I feel sorry for the wee boy who's whole life has been blown apart by his mother's need to put her own feelings above his. Poor boy.

The OP has taken quite a battering on this thread (unsurprisingly) and has seemingly disappeared.

The lack level of self-awareness of some people is just .

OP obviously thinks this situation is entirely normal and reasonable, and that seeking advice on someone gossiping about it - rather than the logistics of uprooting her family, say, is not going to have everyone reading it just sitting here going

The rude awakening that is the response to this thread must be quite hard to take.

Jay - if you are still reading, maybe just take a step back from it all and consider the longer-term implications, and especially your 12 YO DS before you make any irreversible decisions.

[I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that this is real]

As previously mentioned, I'm in the Southern Hemisphere so my hours are different to yours. I've been asleep.

I didn't appreciate the bullying, but I can see where it comes from, and you're right that I need to think about DS and my pregnancy before anything else. You've all given me a lot to think about. I need to take a look at myself before I start going after C for the gossip. Perhaps she wouldn't be gossiping if I hadn't given her such a lot to gossip about, etc.

To those who said I was trolling, I'd like to think that if I wanted to troll, I'd come up with something more believable than this. I think it was Mark Twain who said, “Truth is stranger than fiction.”

There is one other thing I'd like to say (which will possibly invite more troll hunting, but caveat poster). Those of you who said, on this and other threads, "OP must be making it up as she hasn't come back", "OP must be making it up because you can't do [x] at this time of night" I think you need to remember that a) not everyone can sit on the computer all day responding to abuse comments, and b) not everyone is in the UK/Ireland, and some people may keep quite different hours than you. (I'm aware that many people called me out for quite different reasons, but there were quite a few who decided I was a fake based on... not being around when they thought I ought to be, and I didn't think that was fair or smart).

Of course, posting in the first place wasn't very smart of me, so.

Thanks for all the reality checks and advice.

Good luck OP. Just cast your worries about the touchy feely gossipy friend aside and concentrate on yourself, DS and the twins. As you clearly plan to do. And get all the support you'll need when the twins are born. Build that up because you'll need it - either from your old partner and/or the new.

There is one other thing I'd like to say (which will possibly invite more troll hunting, but caveat poster). Those of you who said, on this and other threads, "OP must be making it up as she hasn't come back", "OP must be making it up because you can't do [x] at this time of night" I think you need to remember that a) not everyone can sit on the computer all day responding to abuse comments, and b) not everyone is in the UK/Ireland, and some people may keep quite different hours than you

I wholeheartedly agree with the above. I hope you put your DS and the babies first. Good luck OP.

Well said OP. I still say YANBU.