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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

218 replies

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 21:14

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

OP posts:
giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 20/11/2016 23:38

Shops are open in Scotland. Our asda is open 24/7.

Your life is very dramatic. Focus on the kids not on new relationships mid preg

hotdiggedy · 20/11/2016 23:39

You seem to enjoy living your life out on this website. You have given away your location and the names of yourself, the man who is somehow still friends with you as well as your son. You give away lots of details about your life so you are so easy for anyone who knows you to recognise you. Lots of people in your past threads gave you advice but you choose not to follow. So we will wait for the next installment of drama from you.

Do you think this all makes you seem somehow cool? It really doesn't. S has a real nerve too. I don't believe for a second that your son is happy about any of this.

BratFarrarsPony · 20/11/2016 23:40

sorry OP but you are a 100 per cent total drama llama.

pinkiepink · 20/11/2016 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moretummythanmummy · 20/11/2016 23:40

Why don't you find something useful to occupy your time. There are people sleeping homeless tonight in sub zero temperatures. Children losing their parents every day in war zones. Your 'problem' is a by-product of a small mindset. I really think you should fill your head with loftier things and do humanity and your unborn children a favour.

PickAChew · 20/11/2016 23:46

You had my sympathy with the touching, because she sounded like bloody hard work, but the random affair with a friend just sounds too much like script writing, now.

Seriously, J, have you taken a step back and had a good long look at how this must look to outsiders, or is your life really a soap opera? Can you not see why people are troll hunting, here?

YeOldMa · 20/11/2016 23:47

Can't you just put your children ahead of your sex drive? Can't you just work at your relationship with your DP for the sake of your children? After all, you were presumably happy to be pregnant less than 40 weeks ago so surely you can't be so shallow to move on so quickly without trying to work on it. You are just as likely to find that your pregnancy hormones have something to do with your crush on somebody else and when things settle down after the birth, you won't want her either. If you are going to procreate at least have the courage of your convictions to give your offspring a better start in life.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/11/2016 23:53

Your poor, poor, poor DS. You've shattered his world because of a potential fling. I have a 12 year old, this bit hits me hard. Please think of your son.

MrsFilthPacket · 21/11/2016 00:10

You're pregnant with twins, and were overcome with lust during your pregnancy for a female friend, who reciprocated your feelings, so you left your long term partner for her, and you are upset because another friend pats your tummy? Hmm

Do you write scripts for EastEnders or are you an old man hunched over a laptop, grunting? Or are you really just a drama llama a la Vicky Pollard?

LittlePaintBox · 21/11/2016 00:44

NicknameUsed:

I wonder if it she is trying to get her story in the DM?

I think you might be on to something ... Hmm

CoolCarrie · 21/11/2016 00:48

Op don't be surprised if you end up in one of the national newspapers in the UK. This post has everything they lap up; lesbians, pregnancy, twins, conflict, dumped partners and children, foreigners, odd behaviour, jealously, crushes and strange friends.
Daily Mail, here we come!

ProfessorBranestawm · 21/11/2016 01:17
Bogeyface · 21/11/2016 01:39

Op don't be surprised if you end up in one of the national newspapers in the UK. This post has everything they lap up; lesbians, pregnancy, twins, conflict, dumped partners and children, foreigners, odd behaviour, jealously, crushes and strange friends.
Daily Mail, here we come!

As a PP said, that may well be the whole point......

KoalaDownUnder · 21/11/2016 02:04

Tear away, hun xxxxxx

Strokethefurrywall · 21/11/2016 02:16

This thread has everything that makes me Grin

Clandestino · 21/11/2016 02:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheMaddHugger · 21/11/2016 02:56

jayisforjessica Sun 20-Nov-16 23:29:55
It's noon here in New Zealand. Where I live.

I know I've been selfish and small. I'll own that.

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) from an Aussie

pinkiepink · 21/11/2016 03:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clandestino · 21/11/2016 03:32

Looking forward to a new thread in which you get a visit from C where she reveals that in fact she's always had a secret crush on you and your unreturned affection made her so bitchy at which point you move back to UK as she turned a stalker.

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 03:47

Sounds like a soap opera.

That's exactly what I thought.

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 03:52

"Tear then a new one" is such a disgusting expression. I really wish people wouldn't use it.

And also this. ^

It's up there with 'grow a pair' in phrases that make me wince.

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 03:58

Your last thread was only last month and you were 20 weeks pregnant. With twins.

And since then you've started a new relationship and your husband has moved out?

Christ when I was 20 weeks pregnant I could barely cope with doing A Big Shop.

This is wins my award for best post of 2016.

torroloco · 21/11/2016 04:02

Are you sure your not in fact the 12 year old and your mother is pregnant with twins? Because this sounds like something that would happen on the school playground

Your pregnant
You have a DS- who you need to focus on more now his Dad isn't about
Your starting a new relationship

So why on almighty fuck do you give one iota of a shit about tittle tattle?

torroloco · 21/11/2016 04:04

Also- your just as bad as each other. I understand that you may not want people touching you- but if you want to "rip her a new one" over this- I would dread to think what you would do if something that actually mattered happened.

Honestly can't believe normal functioning adults behave like this. I assume you are at least mid 20s to have a 12 year old son- so start acting like it. Build a bridge- and move the fuck on.

SlottedSpoon · 21/11/2016 04:22

Honestly can't believe normal functioning adults behave like this.

I know. Some days, reading MN or looking at the internet or TV in general is a bit like the modern day equivalent of viewing 'lunatics' in a Victorian asylum.

There's a whole world of drama and fucked up nonsense out there at you and I can only boggle our minds at. Confused