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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

218 replies

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 21:14

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

OP posts:
GrabbyGrabby · 20/11/2016 21:54

I have no words....

🤐

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/11/2016 21:55

Waffles you may have used too many syllables in your explanation for user to deal with.

user1440853712 · 20/11/2016 21:55

The title of the post shouldn't be an issue, it's just a saying. She's angry and hurt at what has been going on, she's not being dramatic for feeling uncomfortable with someone rubbing her stomach after she already told them she didn't want them too, she is allowed to have personal boundaries. And then someone spreading rumours about you isn't nice at all and especially when you're pregnant and more emotional. Stop attacking the poor woman

CoolCarrie · 20/11/2016 21:55

You do like a drama don't you OP?! You have behaved like a selfish bitch to your partner and child and your twins, god help them, are going to be born into this drama ! Grow up and behave like an adult

CinderellaFant · 20/11/2016 21:57

User ... are you op?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/11/2016 21:58

Uncanny isn't it?

BratFarrarsPony · 20/11/2016 21:58

" Stop attacking the poor woman "

are you the new lover ? Grin

PayingForward · 20/11/2016 21:59

I remember your previous thread and posted on it (not in this temp user name) and I had immesne sympathy for you. But I can't lie, I am jawdropped at your updateShock

Your poor DP and DS - how is a 12 year old boy who is about to have twin siblings enter his life expected to simultaneously cope with the sudden loss of his Dad (& him moving out IS a loss, and one of epic proportions at that age) and his Mum binning Dad to suddenly commence a same sex relationship? Whilst there is NOTHING with same sex couples (or same sex parents, my DS and his DP are bloody brilliant ones) you must surely see how fraught this is for your Son?

Yet you're not posting about advice or guidance for him, or even to at least question the possibility that nuts pregnancy hormones may have a role to play in what could be a short term crush; you're bothered about C's gossip?

Holy fuck. The blunt truth is I think your priorities are seriously screwed and I think your DP sounds like a saint. I ache for your 12 year old though, please tell me you have at least looked into support for him given what a tumultuous and head fucking time this has turned into for him?

And YY to PP vis 'tear friend a new one'. Whatever she is saying, it and it's impact, is nada compared to what you have inflicted on your family but I'd hope to God that they are not using that vile phrase regarding you.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 20/11/2016 22:02

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings

"Largely due to the fact..."

Interesting.

So you shagging falling in love with a female friend whilst carrying your male partner's twins wasn't the only reason you split up?

What were the other reasons? Confused

Bogeyface · 20/11/2016 22:03

So you went from happily anticipating your new twins to falling in love with someone else to splitting up with your DP in what.. a month or so? And your focus is on the batshit friend?

Did I fall over and land on the set of Eastenders?

demonchilde · 20/11/2016 22:04

The title of the post does matter. It's a disgusting phrase, with a disgusting origin and shouldn't be allowed.

And yes, OP does sound like a drama llama who needs to grow up.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 20/11/2016 22:04

YANBU, OP. Is C a lesbian? Just wondering if she has been acting this way because of a crush.

Could you text the whole group to say you're not remotely interested in C and can they please ignore her fantasies?

If a man other than my DH (and doctor!) touched my belly I would freak out. Perhaps you feel the same about a woman doing this without your permission?

PayingForward · 20/11/2016 22:06

user1440853712 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:55:51
The title of the post shouldn't be an issue, it's just a saying.

Yes, a saying about what usually happens when someone is anally raped and are weeping in a Sapphire Suite.Angry

Yeah, just a 'saying' love.

DFOD.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/11/2016 22:08

Ah another Sunday evening....

DinosaursRoar · 20/11/2016 22:08

Your life is very complicated and full of drama.

Perhaps try finding some new friends where you've not slept with or had an argument with any of them. That might be for the best.

Crunchymum · 20/11/2016 22:10

Does this thread have a sock puppet?

MadHattersWineParty · 20/11/2016 22:11

It has twins AND a sock-puppet Grin

loobyloo1234 · 20/11/2016 22:14

*JaniceBattersby

Is this an episode of Eldorado?*

This made me Grin Mainly because of your username and then comparing this to Eldorado (when it also could be Corrie)

avoids calling the OP a drama llama Hmm

mumofone1234 · 20/11/2016 22:14

Jesus Christ. Do tear her a new one. What a bitch. When you've got all this drama to contend with. Oh dear. Hope it's sorted soon, love.

WorraLiberty · 20/11/2016 22:15

Am I the only person who read the last thread and this one, and imagined the OP to be Leonard Hofstadter's Mum? Blush

So much unnecessary drama though.

Italiangreyhound · 20/11/2016 22:18

I feel really sorry for your dp. Of course you are free to do as you like but I feel really sorry for you dp and your 12 year old.

The title of this thread is awful.

I would have thought you had quite enough on your plate without worrying about your former friend's comments.

JustGettingStarted · 20/11/2016 22:18

I never thought of the phrase as a rape thing. Just that a new orifice would be torn and, insofar as I pictured such a thing, it was somewhere in the torso. Like "tear a strip off" someone. I never specifically thought of it being done via the bottom so I never thought it was vulgar or rapey.

PuppyMonkey · 20/11/2016 22:19

Also enjoyed the Eldarado referenceGrin

paxillin · 20/11/2016 22:20

Nobody in this whole drama sounds old enough to be a parent.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/11/2016 22:22

Here's a thought.... try focusing on your DS whose life you have upset, and your twins.

it seems you like drama

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