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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

**to cut this "friend" out of my life** thread title changed by MNHQ

218 replies

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 21:14

Okay. Long and complicated backstory, but I'll simplify as much as possible. Some weeks ago I posted a thread on here about my "friend", C, who was persisting in touching/rubbing my belly (I'm pregnant) despite my repeated requests that she not. I finally lost my patience with her and swatted her hand away, which started a hoo-hah of epic proportions. She tried to turn mutual friends against me by playing the victim ("I don't know why Jay hates me so much, all I was doing was showing her love"). I nipped that in the bud pretty quickly by making sure all of our mutual friends had all of the information.

Since then, things have more or less gone back to normal, with a few differences. I have taken my turn hosting the group, and made it clear that C was not welcome in my house after too many boundary-crossings (mine and my DS's) and the mess that ensued when I enforced my boundaries about my body, etc. She has been invited when we've met up at other people's houses, but that's none of my business. I was never looking to kick her out of the group, just to make it clear she wasn't welcome in my house. When we've both turned up to someone else's house for the weekly gathering, I've been careful to stay on the other side of the room as her and I just don't talk to her.

I really wasn't looking for more drama. I just wanted to get on with life, with this one unpleasant aspect (having her in my personal space) surgically removed.

Here comes the tricky part.

A short while after the events of THAT post, my DP and I separated, largely due to the fact that I fell for another of our mutual friends, S, and she returned my feelings. I was honest with DP, everything was above board and open, and our friends are aware of the situation. I am so incredibly lucky because despite the fact that the separation was entirely my fault (I can and do own that fact), DP volunteered to be the one to move out. It was largely based on not wanting to disrupt the children (12yo DS and impending twins), but I'm so very grateful to him, and we're doing our best to retain some sort of friendship. It'll take time obviously but I think we might just get there.

Enter C.

I have heard from multiple people that she has a new, fun story about me. After she found out about me falling for S, I guess this was inevitable. Her latest story is that "Jay and I don't talk because she's in love with me, and she's mad that I don't return the feelings."

AIBU to want to confront her over yet another lie which is a deliberate attempt to make me look like the bad guy and absolve her of any wrongdoing that created the situation?

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 20/11/2016 23:00

I read and posted on your previous post OP.

My goodness what a car crash is all I can say. Hate to say it because you do seem nice on other posts, but you really do seem to love the drama surrounding everything in this new post!

I am wondering now if C maybe had the right idea about you, and I hate to be that way because she acted badly. But this on top... Not good.

As others say I'd concentrate on your 12 year old right now and try and keep your paws off your new lesbian love interest for the time being. What mixed messages! Oh and I know a lesbian woman who was straight and became gay whilst her DC were under 10. Don't think it doesn't affect them (for good or bad) because it does. Sounds like you are treating this all very lightly and expecting your son to blithely go along with it all and not really be affected.

ClarissaDarling · 20/11/2016 23:03

Bogeyface- fav post so far! Wow op your exdp so lovely, "here have my house and kids, rip my life apart.. As long as you're ok..." Very drama llama! 🐪🐪

MrsSnootch · 20/11/2016 23:04

So you have ripped apart your family..got a new partner...are pregnant with twins....and THIS is your priority?

Sounds like you need to grow up

Evilstepmum01 · 20/11/2016 23:10
Biscuit

I have no words....except Jeremy Kyle. Sounds about right.

Wishforsnow · 20/11/2016 23:11

Poor kids

Kittenmummy1 · 20/11/2016 23:13

No sensible woman would get involved with another woman pregnant with twins, because she would know she would be about to dive to the 9th level of hell and sleeplessness when they arrive. The correct response would be "love you too but I'll see you when they've got their 15 hours funded nursery."

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 23:14

So I must be making it all up because I dared to leave the house to do the grocery shop?

I was afraid I'd get accused of trolling but people were pretty nice to me on mymy last thread so I tried asking again. Think I'll stick to reading/commenting on other people's threads from now on. Seems safer.

OP posts:
FRETGNIKCUF · 20/11/2016 23:18

Who, when expecting twins, gets a new boyfriend?

Seriously.

Who?

ToucheEclair · 20/11/2016 23:19

Grocery shop at half 9 on a Sunday Wink

MadHattersWineParty · 20/11/2016 23:21

That was a late shop, OP.

Not sure that's the reason you've been accused of making it up, anyway.

FRETGNIKCUF · 20/11/2016 23:21

Ahem. Girlfriend.

(Must read thread)

BakeOffBiscuits · 20/11/2016 23:22

What the heck has the shopping got to do with anything?Grin

BratFarrarsPony · 20/11/2016 23:22

Fret its not a new boyfriend, it's a new girlfriend...
then she worries about one person gossiping about her.
Am quite sure it is way more than one...Grin

BakeOffBiscuits · 20/11/2016 23:24

And you shouldn't be doing the grocery shopping at tis time of night, especially as your pregnant with twins and it's a Sunday. Wink

WooWooChooChoo · 20/11/2016 23:25

I think I remember the OP is in another country so it won't be half nine there.

BakeOffBiscuits · 20/11/2016 23:25

*you're

hotdiggedy · 20/11/2016 23:25

Meant to say that you dont need anyone to paint you as the bad guy. You already are the bad guy and all of your own making! Grocery shopping at this time of the night? What about the 12 year old?

PayingForward · 20/11/2016 23:26

IIRC, OP is in Southern Hemisphere so maybe her shops are open?

Terrifyingly, I do think (based on previous threads) that OP is actually genuine - how frickin brutal is that if correct?

I repeat, poor poor DS.

And you have the gall to take umbrage as this isn't a repeat of the pretty wide support you had on last thread? Erm, that's as this one is just a wee bit different and about you fucking other people over as opposed to a.n.other not respecting your post. HTH.

jayisforjessica · 20/11/2016 23:29

It's noon here in New Zealand. Where I live.

I know I've been selfish and small. I'll own that.

OP posts:
FRETGNIKCUF · 20/11/2016 23:31

You don't own it. Nah ah.

You love the drama.

SailingThroughTime · 20/11/2016 23:35

Ohhh.
New Zealand.
Yes.
IME they do have a weird and trivialising view of sex and relationships down there and a bizarre notion of what's acceptable after fucking someone's life up.
It's an interesting old world Grin

Piratepete1 · 20/11/2016 23:35

Hardly a great environment to bring more children into. I think you need to grow up.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 20/11/2016 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DotForShort · 20/11/2016 23:36

Are you by any chance focusing on these petty squabbles as a way of distracting yourself from the bigger issues in your life? TBH, it sounds as though you are currently in an emotional whirlwind: leaving your partner for someone else while pregnant with twins, your ex moving out, etc. These are such big changes to cope with, I can understand the appeal of ignoring them and concentrating on the drama of your friendship circle. But it really won't help in the long run.

Sptownmama · 20/11/2016 23:37

Op you do realise that you are pregnant with twins and have a 12 year old and have decided to leave your husband for another woman right?? And you're worried about a friend touching your stomach?! You're obviously quite mad.