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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to make DD pay for driving lessons (that are from me)?

240 replies

woonnoow · 20/11/2016 20:22

Hi all,

My daughter is 17. She is just beginning to learn to drive. I'm giving her lessons - I have offered to get her 'proper' ones for Christmas, but she finds it better with me.

I take her everyday, so that's an hour of my time. I don't mind, but I work from home, so my time is obviously really important. AIBU to charge her £5 for an hour?

She seems to roll her eyes when I ask for it, saying that her friends' parents don't make them pay (that typical phrase! ) so AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

woonnoow · 20/11/2016 23:03

Why is the petrol/insurance that she has paid going to help me? She has the old family car that is never used. That's her car, which we gave her!!! I have my own car. Yes, we are on the insurance, as we have to be, but that's only for her.

OP posts:

HateMrTumble · 20/11/2016 23:06

Wow she already pays petrol and insurance, missed that bit- even worse.

hotdiggedy · 20/11/2016 23:06

I think its a great idea. Charge her for all the consultations you have with her on a weekly basis and also charge for time spent doing her cooking and washing.

FizzBombBathTime · 20/11/2016 23:08

Op I asked you earlier I'm genuinely curious, did your parents give you lessons and if so did they charge?

YouOweMeATenner · 20/11/2016 23:10

Yawn.

twattymctwatterson · 20/11/2016 23:10

I was actually going to say that you weren't being unreasonable because petrol is expensive and if things are tight it's fair for her to chip in. Then I saw that she already pays for petrol and insurance and that you are literally charging your daughter for spending an hour out of your day with her. You are being incredibly unreasonable however from your more recent posts I'd say this has to be a wind up

NicknameUsed · 20/11/2016 23:13

"Clearly I am horrible then."

No, just tight. I can't stand tightness in a person. It is a very unattractive trait.

Have you actually taken on board that several posters have said that
It is illegal to charge for driving lessons unless you are a fully qualified driving instructor
(Deliberately posted in bold in case you missed it)

Quintessing · 20/11/2016 23:19

Blimey.

I did this for my niece. She was 20 and a student. I spent 90 minutes 3 times per week for 2 months. It was knackering. But it saved her loads and she passed her test really quickly. I said "dont worry about it, maybe you can babysit now and then". She has babysat once... I have asked her only once! 3x8x1.5 at £5 per hour, would be £180 - thats expensive baby sitting, like £60 per hour!

LadyVampire · 20/11/2016 23:32

I wouldn't charge her OP but if giving an hour a day is a struggle with work commitments then simply give her less time driving eg an hour every other day. I think setting an example of charging her for time driving will backfire, cause resentment and the next time you ask for help from her she may do the same thing and charge you.

Maybe if time is an issue there could be a trade off? eg if she could free up more of your time by helping out more with the house? I think whoever suggested her driving the car with you for errands on journeys you need to make has a good idea there.

I'm sure if you explain that due to your work commitments you don't have as much time your daughter would be on board with helping in other areas so you have more time to teach?

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 21/11/2016 00:07

This can't be real? If she has a part time job and already pays insurance etc why not take all of her earnings off her and let her keep a few pounds a day to live off? That way you might even cover your hourly rate.
I'll be returning to work part time after DC2. I'll be sure to add my loss in earnings and cost of childcare to the list. That way, any gifts of money for Xmas/birthdays I can keep and spend on myself without feeling guilty. They do owe it me after all....

whycanineverthinkofausername · 21/11/2016 00:12

I would charge her to. It helps her understand the real world better than getting things given on a plate. I've had to pay for everything when I turned 16 and got a job. She would be paying a hell of a lot more going with an actual instructor!

MaryTheCanary · 21/11/2016 00:40

Family members usually help each other out for free.

When you're old and your health is failing, perhaps your daughter should charge you every time she looks in on you, helps you with the housework and shopping.....

Pizanfan · 21/11/2016 00:48

Please ignore the more radical comments, but consider why you are charging her for the lesson.

Are you charging her because you need the money, and as you work from home believe you should be compensated for your time?

Are you charging her to teach her a lesson, and to ensure she learns to pay her way, and respect money?

If your answer is number 1, you are probably being selfish, and not considering the needs of your daughter.

If your answer is number 2, maybe take all the £5 notes, and buy her a present with them upon passing.

mum11970 · 21/11/2016 00:50

What's the going rate for advice? We could all send the OP an invoice for taking up our time reading and replying to the thread.

Mlb123 · 21/11/2016 00:52

If this is true I think it is very greedy to charge 5 for every hour lesson. Especially as you aren't a qualified instructor. Your time might be precious but surely you can find a couple of house a week to spend time teaching your own daughter the basics of driving.

WouldHave · 21/11/2016 00:52

No, really, don't take the money. As repeatedly pointed out, charging your dd for lessons when you aren't a qualified instructor would be illegal.

Cguk81 · 21/11/2016 00:56

I think YABU. Did you keep a slice of her pocket money when you were teaching her how to ride a bike?

Italiangreyhound · 21/11/2016 01:17

YABU. It's a parents job and it is great she feels confident with you. But her paying for petrol seems fine.

Hope she passes.

VenusRising · 21/11/2016 01:31

I can't believe I'm reading such horrible comments!

The OP is taking time off her work to take her 17 yo working DD around.

Since when has a woman's time been so cheap?

Oh right, forever it seems......

Charge away OP. If you're losing time from earning, you need compensation.

If you're not getting paid for your wifework, laundry, cooking, etc etc than I think you're all being played as mugs!

And I hate the daily mail.

LittlePaintBox · 21/11/2016 01:37

KondosSecretJunkRoom

Why not? I'm charging my 2yo for English lessons. He's racking up quite a bill.

Yes YABVU. If you can't spare the time, insist she takes lessons from a driving school, which apparently will somehow save you money as well.

I think you might be onto something, though, I shall definitely bill my DS retrospectively for homework help he needed because of his dyslexia.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 21/11/2016 01:40

You're very mean, op.
I feel sorry for your poor kids.

ScarletForYa · 21/11/2016 01:48

Tight.

MidniteScribbler · 21/11/2016 01:54

In case anyone was needing an example, this, right here, is shit parenting.

Pizanfan · 21/11/2016 02:02

Midnite

Thats a disgraceful thing to say!

SaltySalt · 21/11/2016 02:08

In case anyone was needing an example, this, right here, is shit parenting.

Bit harsh!

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