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Original poster

To be so angry with nursery

340 replies

Rockingaround · 19/11/2016 10:05

Hi all,
Not sure what to do, I only know that I'm so angry but not sure if I'm overreacting.

DS just turned 4 last weekend. I picked DS from his nursery (within primary school) yesterday. He started in September after being at pre school, his session is 8.45-11.45. His former and current teachers have said he's a really good boy, good at listening and following the rules etc

Anyway, at pick-up he was balling his eyes out, snotty, gasping - in a right state, in all honesty I have never seen him this upset.

One of the nursery staff said " We were making biscuits and none of the children ate a smartie except for DS so Miss X has decided he is not allowed a biscuit because of it".

After DS had calmed down he told me he'd eaten a smartie. They told him he wasn't allowed to eat it but he carried on making his biscuit. Only at the end of the session when they were filling out the biscuits did they say he wasn't allowed to take his home because he'd eaten a smartie. I asked if they'd warned him that would happen if he ate a smartie and he said no.

I couldn't speak to them at that moment as I was so angry, I'm thinking g of writing a letter....? What would you do?

I'm doing his birthday party today but I'll check back in later. Thank you

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 19/11/2016 12:16

At 4 he should be able to follow a simple instruction not to eat the ingredients. Without the teacher having to explain what the consequences were. A simple 'don't do that' SHOULD suffice.

His reaction was extreme. Does he ever have consequences for bad behaviour at home ?

And you are perfectly normal to be upset to see your child distressed BUT in the context of what actually happened I think you should chalk this one up to experience.

elodie2000 · 19/11/2016 12:20

His reaction was extreme. Does he ever have consequences for bad behaviour at home ?

I was wondering this too. Unless he has SN waits for drip feed from OP the amount of 'distress' shown by her DS is extreme.

Serialweightwatcher · 19/11/2016 12:26

TeacherBob Isitadoubleentendre - yes I would tear a strip off them - if my child at 4 years old had been that upset and snotty and "gasping" because they hadn't previously told him that would have been the consequence - then yes because he was upset and humiliated infront of his classmates for not much at all ... bad enough to feel like that when you're older but at 4 years old it is completely ridiculous - he didn't commit a crime. Taking the biscuit home with no smartie, as others have said, was punishment enough - poor kid must have felt awful and I feel sorry for him.

TeacherBob · 19/11/2016 12:29

Serial
He was told.
The rule was if you eat you can't take it home.

Or do you honestly believe they just decided that AFTER he had eaten it, just to upset him?

WouldHave · 19/11/2016 12:32

I mean, she gave him a rule and consequence and then followed through on it. How dare she!

No, she didn't. She gave him a rule, he broke it, she waited till he had made the biscuit and only then told him what the consequence was. Definitely the wrong way round.

TeacherBob · 19/11/2016 12:33

WouldHave

That isn't true though, is it?

Trifleorbust · 19/11/2016 12:34

There is no law that says they have to explain the consequence to him first Confused

They told him not to do something. He did it anyway. He made the wrong choice. I am of the view personally that it's a harsh punishment but he is in their charge whilst he is at school and they need to run things in the way they think best. He hasn't been shouted at aggressively or beaten - it's just one of those things.

nagynolonger · 19/11/2016 12:36

I would chalk it up to experience too, but I would mention to the teacher just how upset your DS was.
Some DC would just shrug this off but your son probably found the experience humiliating. Some are more sensitive than others and no child should be that upset. He's 4 and he made a mistake and it will be a mistake he will always remember too.

WouldHave · 19/11/2016 12:38

It is true according to OP, TeacherBob, and for the purposes of this discussion that's the set of facts we're working on.

WouldHave · 19/11/2016 12:39

No, they don't have to explain the consequences to him first, but it would make so much sense to do so.

TeacherBob · 19/11/2016 12:39

It is true according to OP, TeacherBob, and for the purposes of this discussion that's the set of facts we're working on.

I have reread several times. At NO point does it say that the teacher gave the consequence at the end of the session

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/11/2016 12:39

im not sure taking a biscuit home without a smartie is punishment, as hes eaten the smartie and gets the biscuit, so no consequence, ie he still has the two things, just not together

some say the teacher should have stopped ds from making the biscuit, tho prob more of a punishment to make and not have it

as a nanny i have 'punished' a child, if thats the right word, one year in summer, we were having a day out at local park, the boy 4yrs i looked after said consistently can i have an ice cream at the park , and i said yes after lunch, this was asked about 8 times and same answer, then i said if you ask again you wont get an ice cream as i have told you yes after lunch

he asked again and i said no you wont have one and said why

after lunch i brought myself and his older sister 7yr and younger sister 2 an ice cream but not the boy, he was upset but he learnt the following week when asked again and i said yes but dont ask again or will be no

he didnt ask again that day and got an ice cream

told mum what happened and she totaally agreed with me

DearMrDilkington · 19/11/2016 12:40

I agree with teddy.

Don't write a bloody letterHmm.

ShteakandShpuds · 19/11/2016 12:42

TeacherBob I hate it when I have to give a consequence to an otherwise good child and it does make me feel guilty, especially when they cry.

What exactly is a 'good child'?
Are there inherently good and bad children then, in your opinion?

Jeez, I'm glad you don't teach my DS...

Serialweightwatcher · 19/11/2016 12:44

OP wrote I asked if they'd warned him that would happen if he ate a smartie and he said no

TeacherBob · 19/11/2016 12:50

What exactly is a 'good child'?
Are there inherently good and bad children then, in your opinion?

Jeez, I'm glad you don't teach my DS...

----

And there you go, usual MN'er stuff of 'I can't make a proper argument so let us just abuse people

Congrats

grannytomine · 19/11/2016 12:52

Sorry haven't read the full thread but couldn't he just have had a biscuit with no smartie on it? It is what I would have done, or if biscuits had multiple smarties then just one less on his.

Trifleorbust · 19/11/2016 12:54

'Good child' is simple shorthand for well-behaved child. I wish people wouldn't pretend they didn't know this. How many people really believe that people mean children are divided into inherently good and inherently bad? Just a stick with which to berate people making perfectly sensible points.

Serialweightwatcher · 19/11/2016 12:55

TeacherBob whilst you are telling ShteakandShpuds that she is abusing people, you were rude to me by naming isitadoubleentendre in a post to be sarcastic about my comment Hmm

Trifleorbust · 19/11/2016 12:55

Granny: There's always another way of dealing with a situation though, isn't there? We won't all automatically agree that one way is the right way.

TeacherBob · 19/11/2016 12:58

Well I was replying to doubleentendre

RichardBucket · 19/11/2016 13:00

I know that teachers tend to defend each other to the death

Yep. And they've proved it several times over in this thread. Grin

grannytomine · 19/11/2016 13:02

So glad I home schooled till they were 9, he's a baby for heaven's sake. Some adults really have a problem and seem to get a kick out of making kids unhappy. Mine never got humiliated and upset by this sort of thing and funnily enough they are happy well adjusted adults so it doesn't seem like something you need to do to kids.

I remember going to look at a school when we were thinking of sending ours. Little crocodile of 4 and 5 year olds going into assembly. One little chap was making quiet choo choo noises and doing the circling action with his arms, being a train. The teachers response, "Don't be so childish." To a 4 year old!!!!!

WouldHave · 19/11/2016 13:02

TeacherBob, OP says:

"he told me he'd eaten a smartie. They told him he wasn't allowed to eat it but he carried on making his biscuit. Only at the end of the session when they were filling out the biscuits did they say he wasn't allowed to take his home because he'd eaten a smartie. I asked if they'd warned him that would happen if he ate a smartie and he said no."

That reads to me as if he was given the consequence well after eating the smartie.

TeacherBob · 19/11/2016 13:02

There is a big difference between defending to the death and saying the OP is wrong. Plenty of others have agreed with me.

But to make it clear in case I haven't made it clear so far....

I DO the same. I have DONE the same this term. It works and I won't be changing just to keep a few keyboard warriors whine about their precious little ones being scarred for life