Who is BU?- I owe ex 2k, therefore he shouldn't pay child support?

[IncognitoPony]

I begged my ex to lend me 2k for a deposit on a flat so that I could finish my degree.

We have a 10 m/o DD.

The other day I asked him if we could arrange some payments for DD as I'm finding it really difficult to get by at the moment with having to pay bills.

He told me that he won't pay a penny unless I pay the 2k back. I don't have 2k. I'm staring to think about selling my body to get by but I don't want to do that.

WIBU?

He is being U.

The maintenance is for your child, the debt is with you, not your child. I think HIBU but I can see why he would be annoyed, but that's not a reason to short his child.
Are you still doing the degree?

He owes your dd child maintenance so if he's refusing to pay it until the debt is paid back I'd work out how much he should be paying and then the debt should reduce by that much.
He sounds like a complete tosser.

What was the payback plan and are you sticking to it?

I don't think he should be witholding child support btw.

But it sounds as though there's a backstory here.

Frank yes. My university is in another city so I had to find somewhere to live. I would be homeless otherwise.

Can you go through the official route? It used to be called CSA, can't remember what it's called now but I'm sure someone else here will

What was the agreement for you paying him back? Was it instalments?

If it was could you ask him if you can keep the weekly instalments as CM rather than him giving you extra money?

(I hope that makes sense)

But it sounds as though there's a backstory here

My ex abused me. I think he's punishing me.

Are you in the process of paying him back? I can see where he is coming from if you're not.

He didn't agree on weekly enstallments. Just keeps saying I owe him money. I can't actually afford to pay him anything decent. Maybe £5 a week but I need that money.

I don't think he's being unreasonable to net off his maintenance to you against his loan to you. However at some point, the maintenance due will be more than £2k (if it isn't already), so he should make you payments.

Has either of you done any calculations?

Paulat2112 going through CSA (or whatever its called) May or may not help. If the ex has proof of the 2k he could say it was for CM and it will get taken into account. it depends how op was paid the money.

So you borrowed £2k and have no intention of paying it back?

I think he's got a very valid point.

No calculations were done. I dont know how much he earns and I know that's something he would never share with me.

He paid my landlord via debit.

Wam I would if I had the money, but I don't at the moment.

I meant a backstory with regards to the length of loan/payment plan etc.

How are you supporting yourself and the baby, apart from his payments?

I'm a student.

I think you need to set something up to pay him back, even if it starts of a small amount a week. You really shouldn't have borrowed money you can't pay back. I can understand why he's reluctant to give you maintenance but not sure where you stand legally. I would go officially through the CMS. If you're struggling maybe you need to halt your studies and get a job to support your son.

Have you been to cms?

Did you promise him payment from a student loan?

This mess is likely to worsen unless both of you can work this out on paper.

Worral I get CB, CTC and HB. I have to pay some of my rent with CTC as my landlord was the only person in the area willing to take on a a person with a child so my rent is a bit expensive. DD is in nursery but I've had to pay some of my own money for extra days as I'm in uni everyday. Rest is paid for with childcare grant.

If he was a decent sort, then he would want to pay for his daughter regardless. That said though, why on earth did you beg him (an ex of all people) for a 'loan' when actually you wanted a gift of £2k?

Go to the CSA, they won't care about the 2k but morally I think you need to take responsiblity for what you owe him.

You're both being U, you need to pay him back and he needs to pay maintenance.

He said I can pay him back when I finish my degree as I would most likely have a well paying job to do so. Thought about approaching CMS but only if I couldn't get ex to pay for DD.

And I would never give up my studies. I would be in a much worse position than I am.

I assume your DD lives in the flat that was paid for with his money?

I don't think it would be unreasonable for him to view the 2k as a lump payment of maintenance.

You shouldn't be paying it back and having maintenance deducted tho.

One or the other.