Who is BU?- I owe ex 2k, therefore he shouldn't pay child support?

[IncognitoPony]

I begged my ex to lend me 2k for a deposit on a flat so that I could finish my degree.

We have a 10 m/o DD.

The other day I asked him if we could arrange some payments for DD as I'm finding it really difficult to get by at the moment with having to pay bills.

He told me that he won't pay a penny unless I pay the 2k back. I don't have 2k. I'm staring to think about selling my body to get by but I don't want to do that.

WIBU?

I begged him because I know he has the money and he said if I ever want an interest free loan, then ask him.

I can see both sides really.

Can you not find out what the rate of maintainace should be and then take off "repayments" for the loan?

Go to the CMA - they will sort something out officially with him.

Contact him and tell him you want to start paying the loan back. Work out how much you can afford to pay him and say he can deduct that each month from his maintenance.

How much longer is your degree going to take?

You are both being unreasonable.

I think you need to start paying him back, even if it is only £5 at a time.

And you also need to apply via the CMS for maintenance.

I'm not sure if they'll agree that the 2k is separate from maintenance payments or not. You should probably try and get some advice on that.

Red annie

Can I pm you for your advice on a cms situation?

It's unreasonable to withhold child maintenance, but it's also a dick move to ask him to lend you £2000 that you have no plans on how to pay it back, if at all.

You're both in the wrong here. You need to agree a figure for child maintenance or get the CMS in to sort it out, and further to that you need to agree a figure for how you are going to pay back the debt you owe him.

Ok so you owe him money but he should also be paying maintenance. So you need to work out:

-how much maintenance he should be paying - call it X
-of that amount, how much do you need to keep to support your DDC- call it Y

If he then only pays you Y per month then your debt to him will reduce at X-Y.

If he refuses to discuss then you go to CMS. That might mean you have a daft situation where he pays you money then you pay him some back.

Right now he's double counting, not paying maintenance and not reducing the debt.

redannie thank you. Will contact cm.

I'm in 2nd year of 3 year degree.

If you do pay him back make sure that the landlord will be repaying the deposit to you at the end of the tenancy. They should do but I don't know what basis your ex sent the money.

Could you not apply for a student loan/grant that you would pay back once you earn over a certain amount, pay him back with that then apply for child maintenance?

Have you spoken to the Student Union about your situation? They can point you in the right direction to get help if you are struggling. Sometimes there are funds they can access for you. There are also charities who will give you a grant if you are in difficult circumstances with a child, e.g. they may give you a small amount of money towards childcare. This is something the Student Union can direct you to. Presumably there is a cost to get the CMS to help you get the maintenance you are owed by your Ex and it won't be a quick fix but it could really benefit you in the long run. Your Ex might squeal a bit at first but at least you should be able to clear the debt with some of the money.

Although I think he will have to pay CM anyway, I can see why he is pissed off at having to give money someone who owes him £2k.

Sorry OP, but you're being very unreasonable. Yes he needs to pay maintenance, but that's a separate issue to the fact that you borrowed £2000 that you have no intention of paying back and you need to do so. Why aren't you working to support your child instead of spending three years on a degree that you clearly can't afford to do? Obviously childcare isn't an issue or you wouldn't be at uni - you should probably get a job instead to support your child.

How much maintenance should he be paying? Can you ask him to reduce the maintenance by £20 or £30 per month to start paying back the loan? Was he paying maintenance before you borrowed the £2000?

If he was paying maintenance then presumably the OP would be able to afford to pay him back?

CSA!

if you cant afford to pay him back, you need to stop studying and get a hob to be honest. and maybe not one that entails selling your body!

are you doing vocational study, or a degree?

Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau or any Law Centre. they give free legal advice for poeple who cannot pay.

Child support is separate from any debt.

Surprised that so many people think the OP needs to pay her ex back a loan before he contributes to his DD. Nope. As unreasonable as I think she is not to pay him back (and defer uni until she can afford it) the money he had loaned to her has nothing to do with his obligation to his child, otherwise he would have gifted it to them and he didn't.

I can see his point of view and I think that it is reasonable for him to offset the child maintenance against the loan. However, if you can't afford to live without it I would appeal to him to not offset the whole amount each month. It may take longer to pay back the loan but if it means his child is adequately fed and clothed hopefully he will agree.

Given that she is now part way through her second year giving up uni now if she can cope financially would be stupid.

Whether that is the case or not depends on the figures released what he should be paying. What she shouldn't be doing is trying to pay him back whilst he pays no maintenance and doesn't reduce the debt either.

in a way he is supporting his DD, he paid for the roof over her head. what he has effectively done is gave you 2k CM upfront.

YABU on expecting him to keep paying though and ignore what you owe him.