Who is BU?- I owe ex 2k, therefore he shouldn't pay child support?

[IncognitoPony]

I begged my ex to lend me 2k for a deposit on a flat so that I could finish my degree.

We have a 10 m/o DD.

The other day I asked him if we could arrange some payments for DD as I'm finding it really difficult to get by at the moment with having to pay bills.

He told me that he won't pay a penny unless I pay the 2k back. I don't have 2k. I'm staring to think about selling my body to get by but I don't want to do that.

WIBU?

"swanning around at university?" Grow up.

I'm perfectly grown up, thank you, and supporting myself. Unlike the OP.

The OP is already part way through her degree and pays the majority of her childcare with a grant. She is in a different city to her hometown. We do not know what her cv would like like, whether she would have qualifications, skills or experience that would enable her to get a job; we don't know what the jobmarket is like where she lives. If she could just walk into a decent job, perhaps she wouldn't be going to university. Maybe the degree she is doing is a vocational one.

It seems silly to me to say she should throw in uni and get a job, any job. when she would lose the childcare grant (and possibly an on-campus nursery place) and whatever student bursaries/loans she has access to. That she should give up the long-term plan of a better career, despite being partway through her studies already, for the sake of maybe a minimum wage job and benefits and delaying any possibility of being able to get out of that position... Especially when her oh-so-decent ex is expecting the £2K to be paid back when she starts work.

And whether she was working or studying or sitting with her thumb up her arse singing sea shanties, the ex should still be paying child support.

Yes, he absolutely should be paying child support. That's not up for debate. But so should she be supporting her child financially. And if she's at university instead of working, she isn't. Why, exactly, is it OK for her to not support her child financially, but not him?

She may be half way through her degree, but the child is 10 months old, plus a pregnancy; she was already pregnant when she started it. Rather irresponsible.

Double standards as they pertain to mothers are staggering - it's apparently fine for her not to financially take care of her child, but not him. I guess that's the bias of a place called "mumsnet".

(Already pregnant or with a very young baby, that should have said).

She is supporting her child - on her student-income plus benefits. I don't see how giving that up and potentially working a min wage job plus benefits, and having to find money for childcare is an improvement for her baby. Especially when longterm it depresses their chances of getting out of low wage + benefits cycle. Better she aspires, completes her degree and pursues a decent wage, than give it all up, and start on the bottom rung, somewhere she has no support if she leaves uni - or have to find a way of moving back.

The situation is what it is. We could all make better decisions about various things in our lives, I'm sure. Her best way forward doesn't seem to me to be to ditch her opportunity of a brighter future for both of them.

Oh lord. The MRA's have invaded. Op please pay absolutely no attention to these bitter bitches whether they be male or female and listen to the real advice instead. You are trying your best to do the right thing for you and your child. To have walked away from an abusive man then picked yourself up to try to get an education whilst paying private renting fees and to do it all alone is amazing. Well done you, I'm proud of you, please don't listen to these tossers who have trouble with basic comprehension and just want to slap a single mum about for a bit to make their own sad little lives seem better.

One thing, if you do go through CSA will he become more abusive? Are you at risk at all??

Oh. And the poster who recommend that her ex baby sit...dear lord, you really don't know much about abusive men.