AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

Before my daughter started uni, when she was on home study days from school she would often keep these hours, often I wouldn't see her before noon, genuinely didn't remotely bother me at all. She's now in the habit of going to bed earlier and getting up earlier because uni life style dictates it.

Honestly, pick your battles, the important thing is is she doing what's required, not what time of day she's doing it. That's totally irrelevant and not worth an argument over.

For me, she sounds a typical teenager.

People are different.

Your way isn't the best way and if you want to be kind and fair to your child, you will stop holding her to an artificial standard that only exists in your head.

Why would you judge her as 'bad' somehow, just because she works and sleeps to a different biological rhythm?

Very limited.

It sounds like your life has become harder and you're talking it out on her by finding random things to criticize.

Why not be honest and say that you are annoyed at the loss of child benefit and hold a grudge about it.

If you genuinely can't manage without that extra money then you need to talk to her about it and see if you can work out a better budget for both of you.

Another one chipping in to say you sound like my mother. When I was in sixth form (funnily enough studying similar subjects to your DD) I was at school part time and also had 3 jobs - a shop job on a Saturday, waitressing on a Sunday night and cleaner at a clothes shop 3 mornings a week.

The days when I had morning lessons or my cleaning job, I'd be up at 6am, but on the other days I'd lie in til I needed to. To my mother this was the most offensive thing in the world. I stuck to my studies, socialised but not loads, and was very respectful and polite, but this meant naff all as she just thought I was lazy therefore an embarrassment. She was, and still is, very controlling. One reason I no longer visit her is because she still tries to dictate my sleeping regime. She think because she gets up at 6am she's superior to everyone else, even though she bunks down at 9pm so gets more sleep than most people.

I hope my DD is as hard working as yours when she's 17 and I hope to God in not as controlling or short sighted as you if she is. It sounds like you want her to be exactly like you. Again, that's what my mother wants and she resents that we're polar opposites.

Your poor DD

I wouldn't like it.

I have two teenagers; they sleep in at the weekend and I'm ok with that because they need it (and are in bed at a much earlier hour.) I don't think there are many pre-university 17 year olds ups regularly at 3am; midnight is late enough - for weekends.

DH gets up at 5.45 for work, so likes a quiet house by 10pm. This doesn't mean everyone needs to be in bed, but honestly there's no point being on minority time zones. It's disruptive having people living together on completely different time zones.

It's disruptive having people living together on completely different time zones.

I don't see how the hours op's dd keeps is in anyway disruptive