AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

I am the type of person that functions best after 11am and at my peak in the evening and night. Leave her to it as you are asking her to waste (!) hours of the day by doing things your way believe it or not. As it is she is using her hours to her advantage while with your setup she will be spending the hours before work waking up, fiddling around then going to work and then have less energy for her school work. It's like you having to get up at 2am because it's something someone else thinks you should do to satisfy their ideas. Would you get up and think your day is more productive for you at 2am? You may not like it but it is the same thing. She has a good routine tbh, she gets up, goes to work and studies afterwards. And uses her time to fit the setup her life is currently in.

I used to keep similar hours when I was living at home because I liked having space to myself - made me feel more independent to not have my mum buzzing around all the time and gave me more peaceful quiet time to focus on doing work. I'd still sleep from 3 am to 10am or 4-11 if I could because it fits better with my body clock and I get a lot less tired than when I sleep from 12-7. It sounds like your daughter's doing just fine. Let her live her life and organise it the way she wants to and pick your battles.

you sound a right charmer.

she sounds bright and motivated so I'm sure she'll move out as soon as she can.

dovesong- yes that's a bit like my 18 yo son. He is up till 3am most days, he likes to fix himself supper, will cook simple meals while having the freedom and independence to do so without family members buzzing around and interfering.

She's working regularly, and studying by distance learning - all credit to her. With distance learning you have to be much more self disciplined and motivated, and it sounds like she is on top of it.

She seems to have found the time that she is most productive (late night / early hours) and is using that to her advantage.

I honestly can't see your problem with this, I would be proud. Does she disturb you in the night when she is up? Are you out at work during the day whilst she is sleeping? In which case i can't see it being an issue, unless she is disturbing your sleep.

My only concern would be does she manage to keep an active social life going with these hours? I hope she isn't just studying and working, and that she also has some fun.

Look you should be bloody proud of her!

Shes studying, and shes doing ok in that and she has a job.

She's a teenager, she could be up to all sorts of troubling stuff but she's doing great!

Back off.

I'm really struggling to see why it bothers you so much. She gets her work done. She studies and has a job. So why does it matter when she sleeps?? It's irrelevant!

Drip. Drip. Drip.

She works and studies. Good for her. But you're pissed off because she doesn't fit in with your imaginary schedule?

When I moved home after university I worked evening shifts 2pm-10pm. I often went to bed at 3am after having an "evening" - so dinner, shower and time to unwind, got up at midday, had breakfast and left for a full day at work at 1.30pm.

Why is that bad? It's still a full day, just not starting at the time you deem acceptable.

Society isn't 9-5 anymore.

I wrote some of my best assignments through the night!

I would be so happy if my 17yr old were holding down a job and studying too. Can't see the harm in letting them set their own sleep pattern. Why does it annoy you so much, surely it's natural for a teenager to have a late sleep pattern?

Mess would annoy me to an extent though, so you would not be unreasonable to set out some expectations around cleaning and tidying up.

Try to appreciate what she is achieving rather than continually expecting more - you'll enjoy this stage more I think.

She sounds great. You do not.

She lays in bed all day and studies in her bed, that isn't healthy, surely?

The operative word is 'studies'. Is there an accepted physical position for studying that I am not aware of? My 15yo DD does it curled into a pretzel in her chair, would that satisfy you? You sound controlling and unpleasant and you will damage your relationship with your DD if you do not chill out.

She lays in bed all day and studies in her bed, that isn't healthy, surely?

What does it matter? I wrote plenty of university essays in bed when I couldn't be arsed walking to the library in the rain. Why does it matter where she's studying so long as she's getting the work done?

If she is happy and doing everything she is supposed to then i really don't see the problem. Let her get on with it and relax a little.

She lays in bed all day and studies in her bed, that isn't healthy, surely?

The author Marian Keyes has said in numerous interviews that she does all of her writing in bed...and she has sold millions of books worldwide!

What exactly is it you do OP?

Other then run your house like a prison.

I don't like my 2 year old DD shitting in her nappy.

I'm most productive between 10pm and 1am. No point in making her get up at the crack of dawn to study if she's not going to produce quality work which will help her future.

Leave her be, she's got years ahead of her to get up early for work.

Do you try and control her in other ways OP, is your DD in an abusive relationship with you? It's starting to sound like it tbh

OH MY GOD!

I've only read a few things you've written and if I were living with you if avoid being around the sand hours you are too!

She's having 9 hours in her room according to your op, half hour either side for falling asleep/relaxing and getting up, dressed etc - perfectly normal! Just because she's not doing these things at a time YOU DEMAND (And you've STILL not given ONE good reason) she is NOT being unreasonable!

Do you HONESTLY begrudge her £20 a week while she's studying and working?

Unless you're experiencing extreme poverty (and I speak as someone on a VERY tight budget) you are being SO unreasonable.

If studying in bed works for her then I don't see the problem. She has a cleaning job - that is very physical so no one can say she isn't getting any exercise. I've written many great essays from my bed!

I still don't understand why you object to distance learning. What is she studying?

It seems that your objections switch from one thing to the next when you don't get the answer you want. First you don't like what time she gets up, then you don't like that she's distance learning, then you don't like where she studies; what exactly is the real problem here? She studies hard, holds down a job... what more do you want? At 17 she could be doing far far worse! Seems like a hard working, driven young woman to me.

9 times out of 10 when I'm working from home and often talking to clients and doing telephone conference meetings I am in my PJs and in bed. And nobody knows mwhahaha!

My dh stays up until 3am and gets up at 12. Are you going to give him a ring and tell him he's unreasonable? He works in a bar. There's no way I or him would get up at 7am just because someone else wanted me to. You sound awful! She's 17 ffs poor kid.

If she had a job working nights you wouldn't be demanding she kept to the same hours as you. Just accept that she works differently but still efficiently even if she's not up at 7.

She's doing law, maths and sociology. As no college local did Law a-level.

I just thought I'd put other points out there to see if I'm seriously the only one who doesn't like people laying around in bed