AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

There's no such thing as "society doesn't start work at 12". There are many jobs/careers where people adjust their sleeping hours around shifts, working from home, flexible hours, self-employed etc... very few jobs are a straight 9-5 these days.

She has adjusted her timetable/body-clock according to her needs, studies, job and productivity. She is holding down a meaningful job with hours that start later in the day. She is studying, working hard, completing her course-work and from what I can gather seems to be a well-adjusted, productive and self-motivated young lady. Would you say the same thing if she was a nurse or doctor and had finished a busy shift at 3am? Would you consider it then unreasonable to get up at 12 noon after having the recommended 8-9 hours sleep?

Out of interest, what is she studying?

But it's my house!

There we have it, total and utter control freak.
I had a parent like this also. I got out of that trap as soon as I could.

Hilarious when people regard themselves as respectable adults but are actually petulant children.

When I was at uni, I never scheduled a class before 12, and generally did my work till 3/4 in the morning. When I graduated and got a teaching job, I had to be up at 6am...I adjusted fine. Leave her to it...depending on her career path, it may be the only chance she gets to work to this kind of schedule!

But it's my house
I get that we have to regulate bed times for children who need to be up for school, but she's 17, works and studies, she doesn't need your input.

I'd want her to get up early and go to bed at a proper time so that she was able to do so - just think it would stand her in good stead for if she ever does have to get up early and start a job .... middle of the day once a week maybe, but not every day

Honestly, I don't like her doing distance learning

Exactly Serial

Why?

Wow OP you're a massive control freak, no wonder your DD wants to be up and around when you're not

It's also frustrating because I don't make her pay rent yet but I don't get child benefit anymore as she is doing distance learning

Oh ffs! Get a grip OP!

I don't like my 2 year old DD shitting in her nappy..

Well the part of society that works night shifts doesn't get up at 10am!

Please don't tell all those Drs and paramedics, and fireman and emergency callers etc who don't keep to your hours - we are a very lucky society to have those people.

In fact she's probably more disaplined than most teens if she's working and doing a distance learning course and completing it all alone.

OP, you really don't seem to like the fact that most posters don't agree with you.

I too can't see what the problem is, your DD is studying, working and sounds responsible and motivated.

I'm a night owl too in my late 30's and I'm fed up of early risers taking the moral high ground. Why does getting up early in the morning make you a better person?

?!?!?

She's doing great. You should be proud of her. You've noted that she gets up earlier when she needs to, so when she has an actual 9-5 job no doubt she'll get up at 7 like the rest of us.

You frankly sound bonkers. Can you name a single actual, proper effect on you?

It's also frustrating because I don't make her pay rent yet but I don't get child benefit anymore as she is doing distance learning

...oh wait. Apparently this is about money. You're pissed off that her studying by distance learning is affecting your child benefit when you'd still get it if she went to a physical college. She's 17 FFS!

Lovely.

My teen also does virtual home education. He works a part time job too. I do not monitor his comings and goings. As long as your daughter is getting on with it, I would let her be.

I genuinely can't see why it bothers you. Really. You said she gets up earlier when she has to, so the argument that she needs to get up early to stand her in stead for the future when she has a job doesn't stack up. She's already proved she can do it.
I got up for 9am lectures at uni if I had them. Otherwise I was up all night and got up whenever I wanted. Managed perfectly fine when I started my grad scheme straight from uni and had to be up at 6am every day for a 1.5hr commute.
Sounds like a control thing.

Presumably she spent years and years getting up early for school. So she clearly knows how to adjust her schedule when necessary. Her current situation makes it unnecessary for her to rise at 7:00. So why should she?

What effect is it having on you bar frustration?

Learn to let go a bit. She is achieving the required objectives why does it matter how. Stop being so controlling and interfering let her find her own way. She sounds motivated and focused not sure you can ask much more at that age.

I too had a parent like this and he still thinks he has the right to do things like this when I am in HIS house (note not their house) it pees me off and I am nearly 50

What's wrong with distance learning?

Distance learning while holding down a job is one of the best ways to qualify in any career and learn responsibility, because you have to learn exactly what your daughter is doing - how to schedule your hours and productivity. If her work doesn't start until later, then if she is up too early she will be too tired by the time she goes to work if she has been studying all day. It sounds like she gets some studying done - has a break from the studying (recommended) to go to work - then comes home and gets more studying done while she still has energy to do it. Her schedule works for her and her studies/job.

Self motivation in distance learning is an admirable quality and skill. Many employers are impressed by people who put themselves through further education via distance learning because they know how much self-motivation and discipline it takes, particularly when paired with a job. I have much respect for your daughter; it's a shame you don't.

OP YABU.
My 18 year old was up at 3pm today.

Works for us.

He stays up late and sleeps late. He studies part time at college, works 4 evening shifts a week at a supermarket is tidy round the house, polite and helpful.

Works for us.
OP you seem to have a very Calvinistic attitude.

I really don’t see what the issue is!

Scientific studies have shown that teens and young people do not function well early in the morning.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11148930/Teenagers-to-start-school-at-10am-in-Oxford-University-sleep-experiment.html

quote: “We know that something funny happens when you’re a teenager, in that you seem to be out of sync with the world.
“Your parents think it’s because you’re lazy and opinionated and everything would be ok if you could get to sleep earlier. But science is telling us that teenagers need to sleep more in the mornings.”

I remember back in my student days I wrote all of my essays between the hours of 10pm-3am, as my brain seemed to work better at this time. Getting up at 7am to study would have been completely counter-productive as my brain just did not function properly at that time. It sounds as though your daughter is the same – why should she force herself to get up and study at 7am if this is not when she works at her best?

Most people go through a stage in their teens of being night owls. Almost all people grow out of it eventually and develop more standardised sleep patterns.

What sort of relationship do you want with your daughter when she's an adult?

What sort of relationship do you think she wants with her mother when she's an adult, and why do you think it's different to the one she wants when she's 17?

OP: AIBU?
Hive Mind: aye
OP: But abc
Hive Mind: yep still BU
OP: Oh but xyz
Hive Mind: Cmon now lady, chill. All is well