AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

*threw, damn autocorrect

My 18 year old DD much preferred sleeping late and revising late into the night. She also did a lot of work in her bed and watched a lot of Netflix. She did very well at school and is at uni now. I rather suspect her student hours are similar except for the few days she has earlier classes. I left her to it and just let her get on with it. It wasn't bothering me at all.

You have some strange notions OP. Just let her do what she needs to do. She sounds hardworking and smart.

OP my mum had the exact same attitude as you. We are all now successful functioning adults that adhere to yours/societies hours .... And we are al NC with our mother precisely because of this ridiculous attitude. Chill out or end up a lonely bitter money grabbing old woman.

I'd say your expectations for a 17 year old are out of whack.

Is she studying? Yes
Is she working? Yes
Is she messy? Yes
Does she like sleeping in late? Yes

All pretty normal for a 17 year old.
If it makes you happier you could charge some housekeeping money. But she isn't able to earn a lot as she's studying and growing and 17.

Actually think you've got it good because you haven't got the added stress of her out getting pissed and rolling in late, keeping you awake all night. Could be a lot worse op! I shudder at what I got up to at 17!

Jeez, you don't sound like you like your own daughter very much. Really stop slagging her habits off on social media in an attempt to prove yourself right.

She's getting the job done and most kids still in education aren't expected to pay rent. She gets her work done, who cares if it's at nine am or nine pm, and they all watch Netflix at that age. At least she's not refusing to learn and out getting drunk or high.

I see no issue here other than uour own strict view of normality, there is no need for her to get up earlier, why should she, I'm sure when she is out of education and employed she will get up as required.

It sounds like you don't even like her very much!

OP I suggest you read some of the threads on here and see how some teens are putting their mothers through the wringer with all sorts of shenanigans (and worse!) and thank you lucky stars that you have a hard-working, focused, home-bird DD!

No I admit I'm lucky that she doesn't drink, smoke etc. but now a days that's not that common anymore.

Yes I work.

I'd be grateful and happy that she is doing something to improve her future. If her mess winds you up, set some ground rules about that but pick your battles. My children are still young but as someone who had a mom that nagged about 'wasting the day', I swear I'll do my best to not nag my kids about a lie in! As long as they are being productive at other times!

So let me see if I've got this right....

You have a lovely 17 year old daughter who is doing A' Levels in Law, Maths and Sociology via distance learning, which requires an exceptional amount of self-motivation and discipline. She is successfully completing her courses and works hard on her studies. She is holding down a cleaning job and in her few precious spare moments she enjoys relaxing in front of a movie or drama series on Netflix. She doesn't go out drinking to all hours... she's not taking drugs... she's not bumming around with no focus. She is driven, focused, hard-working and has goals. And you are complaining because she sleeps slightly different hours to you, is studying via distance learning and that the government is no longer paying you for her?!

Seriously?! Never mind complaining about your daughter, it's not her that has issues here.

Some people work best at night. Your daughter may be one of them. When I was at uni I would regularly have late night or all night sessions in the library, it's when I was most productive and creative.

Now that I'm in an office and get up at 6am every day this hasn't changed. I'm mediocre all day and come evening/night and I'm churning out good stuff. The only difference being that I'm more sleep-deprived because I can't sleep in.

^ she doesn't drink, smoke etc. but now a days that's not that common anymore. *

Really? Smoking perhaps, but sex, drugs and alcohol are a right of passage for most teenagers.

What's your problem exactly?
My partner regularly sleeps Til 12pm. He also is regularly at work Til 2am. I have to be up for work at 6am for some shifts, can sleep Til 10am on others...
You shouldn't have to sync your body clocks to the same as everyone in your household..
She isn't expecting you to be awake Til 3am, or asleep Til 12pm so why is it ok for you to dictate her sleeping hours?
You remind me of how my mum was when I lived at home. I did bar work and was constantly told I was wasting my day by sleeping Til noon. My day went on Til the early hours of the morning - hers ended around 10pm.
Leave her alone.

No I admit I'm lucky that she doesn't drink, smoke etc. but now a days that's not that common anymore.

Yes Alfagirl, exactly right.

You sound bloody awful. Like nothing will ever be good enough in your eyes. Poor girl. It must be tough living with you. Seriously OP, instead of thinking you're right and all of us are wrong, actually think about what you're saying and what we are saying.

Lol at teenagers not drinking/smoking etc. Have you ever been to a 16/17/18th party? Or stood outside a nightclub?

I can get up when I have to and I do for work and did for school/college. When I'm on leave and don't have to, my natural sleep cycle takes over and I go to bed at around 1- 2 am and get up around 11. I feel tonnes better for it as it is my body's natural rhythm and if I don't NEED to be up at 7 then why on earth would I? DP's natural sleep cycle is from about 10 till 8 and he really struggles when he has to go up at nine to be up for 6 and can't sleep for hours. Just let her do what she wants; like you said, she CAN do it if need be so what's the problem?

YABVU.

I'm twice her age and on days when I'm not at work I sleep in late and watch Netflix. When I was studying earlier this year I did a lot of it from my bed too.

I function perfectly well in society. Hell, I even contribute to it.

Never mind OP, give it a year, she'll be off to uni, and you won't see her for dust. Then you won't have to pay to feed and house your offspring any more. Win win.

Oh my god. Give the girl a break!! You sound insane. I can practically feel your rage through the screen. A 17 year old, holding down a job and distance learning 3 subjects, takes a hell of a lot of discipline. She doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. Her vice in your eyes is Netflix and staying up/getting up late ffs.

Don't worry though. I have a feeling she won't be hanging round for that much longer.

you know those entrepreneurs who make a million in business by the time they're 25? OP DD sounds like one of those in the making.

OP you don't sound like you're listening to any of us so I don't know what else there is to be said.

She's 17, by all accounts seems a well rounded one at that. She's studying - keeping up, getting her work done and passing. She's working too.... and the problem is?????

As a young adult I was always more productive in an aft/eve. Even now, I have more difficulty sitting down to my work in a morning than later.

As for where she does her work - what the flipping heck does it matter as long as it's done and done properly?? I have a study - I use it when I need to print and to store my books - otherwise I sit downstairs or on my bed with my laptop

If she worked nights her body clock would be different but it would adjust again when she stopped working nights. Similarly, it'll change easily enough when she needs it to!

It really seems like a non-issue - and more that you don't want to see her as the adult she's becoming.

A 17 year old who works, studies and spends her free time watching Netflix?

The horror!

Getting up at 7 is not morally superior thing to do

Oh I missed loads!

Was putting my kids to bed.