AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

Wow, I just thought other mums might actually agree with me. Society doesn't start work at 12, it's ridiculous!

You've never worked a night shift, or a split shift, or your wouldnt think that way.
What time do you think its reasonable for her to have to get up?

When I was a student i worked better late at night and slept later in the morning. I could get up early when I needed to but this way worked better for me. Even now no cope better with nightshift than some of my colleagues do. Everyone different! If her messiness is what is annoying you, talk to her about that but don't see what it has to do with when she gets up!

What time does 'society' start work then?

Not everyone works a standard 9-5 you know.

I think 10 am to be studying by is reasonable.

Society doesn't start at 12....

You need to actually sort yourself out you sound like a raving lunatic.

It is abnormal and bloody weird for an adult to dictate when another adult gets up.

At 17, you may think of her as a child - in fact you clearly do - but it makes much more sense to make the child to adult change in relationship take place over time and giving up controlling the sleeping hours of a person is one of the first things to give up!

YABVU!

If she's getting her work done what's the problem? I was exactly the same at her age through to my early 20s but am now an early riser and love mornings - your circadian rhythm can change over time.

For you maybe. But your daughter has found a routine that works well for her and in turn she is getting her college work done as well as holding down a small job. Lots of teenagers struggle to juggle everything but it sounds like your daughter is doing well. What more do you want?

You really sound jealous and/or controlling to be honest.

Would you feel the same if she was working a midnight shift job? Of course not. As long as she goes to work everyday and completes her schoolwork on time does it really matter when she does it?

My DS used to keep the same hours as your daughter. He eventually got a 'daytime hours' job and was able to transition to keeping 'normal' hours.

I'm a night owl and your DD's hours would suit me. I've also worked in a job where I had to get up at 4.30am and needed to be in bed and asleep by 10pm to manage that.
I really dont get the problem. She sounds responsible.

OP it sounds like you've forgotten everyone from doctors/nurses/police to theatre workers and the umpteen types inbetween.

even if we can get to remember such people, loads of teens will have this body clock and change it later when they start working 16 hour days

let her get on with things as she sees fit.

Millions of people DON'T start their day at 7am! They work shifts, are self employed and set their own hours to a degree, they're carers/have babies and are up earlier...

You've not been able to give one sane logical reason why she should! She's not doing any harm if anything you should be proud of her!

The mess - COMPLETELY different issue but am I the only one thinking you've probably got unreasonably high expectations there too?

Society doesn't start work at 12, it's ridiculous!

Surely that depends on your job? I used to work eight hour shifts 2pm-8pm, so to me, yes, my day began at midday when I got up, had breakfast and a shower before leaving for work at 1.45pm.

Now my day starts at 8am ready for work at 10am. Why does it matter what time she gets up? Why is waking up at 7am and going to bed at 10pm in any way superior to getting up at 12pm and going to bed at 3am?

It would be different if she was waking at midday and doing nothing with her time. But she is studying and working during her waking hours. If she is messy then address that with her but you'll cause more problems by trying to dictate when she gets up for the day, especially as you have yet to give a reasonable answer as to why she should change her routine.

*2pm-10pm, even.

sophree

Leave her alone, she's doing everything she needs to - if she was a shift worker she'd be doing similar hours. What difference does it make? And why should 'mums' agree with you?

There's a good chance that it's a novelty to get up and go to bed whenever she likes and it will even out over time. I do see why it is annoying to you and I think I'd be irritated too, but it probably isn't worth making a fuss about.
If you feel she isn't pulling her weight around the house then that's another issue and does need to be tackled.

I can't help wondering if she has a lot of peace in the house by studying to those hours as well, I know I did because my olds were in bed by 10.

on my last holiday (US) we had one early bird travel with us - she couldn't shift her body clock so she missed a few nights out and kept waking up at 4am. She also used to flake out by 9pm out here in the UK. After the holiday she decided to change her body clock round the other way and stop getting up so early - she was missing too much fun!

If your DD likes clubbing in her 20s - I know it's on the decline - it's a good body clock to have. I had a job at uni and used to be out till dawn on a Saturday night, then do essays from 3pm till 10pm on Sunday. Worked really well, long stretch of time for focus.

Being an lark rather than an owl doesn't win you any morality points. I'm a mum. I still function best 12-3am. Unfortunately circumstances kids mean I can't keep those hours but if I could I would and I'd be a lot more productive and less grumpy! My Dad's just retired and happily reverted to a similar pattern despite working 9-5 for decades. It doesn't make me or your DD any more lazy than going to bed at 10 when the evenings just begun makes larks lazy.

So many much more important things to fall out about.
She will grow out of it.
DS1 is 20 and at uni. His ideal world would go to bed at 3am and get up at 11am. That's what he does if he can, if he has to get up early he will do it but prefers not to.
The real world and grind of getting up early every day will force the issue eventually, meanwhile I'd leave her be.

But it's my house. I wouldn't care if she lived alone.

Why does it matter when she gets up so long as she gets everything done when she needs to.

I study at uni by distance learning and find I get much more done in the evening/night than when I try to study during the day.

'Society' starts at all different hours of the day. When I've been on nights my day has started at 3pm. If I was up and about at 10am I'd have been a wreck.

Seriously? It's her home! If she were working shifts I bet you wouldn't object.

How is it affecting you?

I work a full time and got up at 11 this morning, am I not part of society?

I work for myself from home and only have to go into the office one a week at most so as long as I'm getting the work done, like your DD is, I can get up whatever time I want be it 7am or 7pm

Oh and I also have 4 lovely children 14-19.

Just leave her too it. If she getting things done why does she need to be up early?