AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

I feel like I'm in a time warp and you're my mother ranting in 2005. I see her twice a year now if she's lucky.

I think OP that you have to actually decide three things,

1. What is the actual thing you're upset about?
2. Is it reasonable to be upset?
3. Whose fault is it?

Because you seem to be upset about her rising late, her studying in bed, her not giving you money, the child benefit stopping, her watching Netflix and mess. Only one of which (the mess) is an actual yes to all three.

My mum wants everyone to do as she does for no discernible reason. It's painful.

Let her enjoy it op while she can aslong as she is doing everything she needs to do.

In a few years or less she will be part of the daily grind of forever working.

Christ, I wish my DS would apply himself like that! She's doing bloomin' fantastic, what's the problem?

She's not "laying around in bed" though, is she? She's studying. She's not lazy for getting up at 12. If she goes to bed at 3am she's getting the recommended 9 hours of sleep. If you wake her up at 7am she's only getting 4 hours. How well would you function on 4 hours of sleep?

I pick my hours and work best when I'm working from 11am-7pm. I go to bed at midnight and get up at 9am. Note that I have exactly the same schedule as someone who works from 9-5, goes to bed at 10 and gets up at 7. It's just shifted by 2 hours. Your daughter's schedule is just shifted, it's not wrong.

I don't get up at 7am but I could. Should I get up early for no apparent reason?
This thread is dumb

Op do you remember being 17 at all? Were you up at the crack of dawn every day even when you had no reason to be?

You said her job is cleaning schools? So she doesn't work til after schools finish at about half 3 in the afternoon? If she got up at a "normal" time as you call it, like 8am, imagine how tired she'll already be by the time her work hours come around. Her work shifts are later, so its only natural her bedtime and time she gets up, and the times she eats, etc, are later too.
You're coming across like you think 12pm is "lazy" but you're not taking in to account the timing of her work hours. If her job was night shifts from 10pm-3am, would you still expect her up by 9am?

I would just leave her to get on with it. She's completing her assignments and getting to her job on time
It is fairly normal teenage and in fact student behaviour

I'm 28 and an extreme night owl, I'd happily get up at midday and go to bed at 3am. But I work days that start at 8am, so I have to go to bed by 10pm. I'm looking forward to shifts starting at 12 noon now my contract has changed!

I like being up at night, mostly because it means I'm awake when my US friends are around. And there's no one to bug me. (My in laws complained about it at first, despite the fact that their youngest son keeps similar hours, which I still don't get. Oh well, I'll have moved out soon.)

Your daughter sounds very motivated and hard working. YABVU.

Tomorrow I will wake up at 6.30am because I'm on an early.

Yesterday I was up around 10.00am

It's fine.

My 17 year old didn't have college today so he got up at midday, tomorrow he will be up at 6.00am

It really doesn't matter. My MIL used to wake my husband up at 9.00am on weekends because she thought it wrong to lie in

My children have been blessed(?) with a mum who loves mornings, the children are all early risers naturally but if they are still sleeping (which is rare) Then I wake my children at 7am on a school morning, 7:30am during the holidays and 8am at the weekends. I expect them up by 9am but as they have got older they have asked for a lie-in (not later than 10am). Although they like the thought of it they never stay in bed that long. I've been praised for it, criticised for it. It it works for us. We spend a lot of time together, hubby works away so when he's home we like to get up and out and do fun stuff.

My mum used to get so pissed off that I woke up at about 1130, went to sleep at 2 ish. She knew she was unreasonable - I worked 230pm - 1030pm every day so wasn't going to have a "normal" schedule - but she just thought it wasn't normal. I was happy and doing my job! Plenty of adults have the sleep patterns you describe

At 17 I was living in halls studying. My mum had no clue what time I got up and went to bed
Night owl, much prefer cleaning at 1am after work than doing it in the morning

The early bird catches the worm

To which the reply is "ahhh...but the second mouse gets the cheese!"

Some of us don't want to become robots who are slaves to the system - especially if we have a choice in the matter.

I work full time during the week 12-8pm....and funnily enough the rest of the country/world doesn't suffer for it.

That jealous, resentful, bitter attitude you've got towards your dd - i get that a lot....and 9/10 times it's from people who could make the necessary changes/sacrifices (as i have), but they either don't want to or just plain haven't got the guts to do it...too afraid of being judged by others- even though the 'others' can't actually explain what the problem is

i applaud your dd...she is not afraid to create her own life on her terms....and she's doing it without hurting anybody.
Your dd has the determination and discipline to succeed and is astute enough to do it in a way that saves her from thousands of pounds of unnecessary debt....and all you can think about is losing a few pounds in cb!

i get that some people get irrationally outraged that i can enjoy having a lie in, going to the park to catch the otters and nature waking up, do my housework/errands - i get to enjoy a 'VIP' experience if i go to the cinema as usually it's just me or 1 or 2 other people in the theater ....
....i do my 7 hours at work....get home and jump into my pajamas and chill all evening

So yeah i can understand why others could feel jealous or resentful - but we're not responsible for the choices you choose to make.

You've given us a lot of things that you want and don't want her to do, but not a single reason as to WHY!!!
This is all about you. Nothing to do with what works for her, all to do with some strange ideas you have about how other people should do things.
Leave her alone and let her get on with it.

Your poor child,

17 in full time education and you think she's 'lucky' not to pay rent.

She's working hard not 'laying in bed' - she's sleeping nine hours which is totally normal.

Why do you dislike your daughter so much?

You're coming across as rather ignorant, frankly.

The drip feeding is really not helping OP, it makes you sound petty and childish.

Your DD is doing brilliantly, if she is planning on going to university she'll do very well as she is already gaining excellent self discipline and time management skills by pursuing distance learning alongside part time work.

I'm a student nurse and a young mother to a toddler. Whilst in my theory semesters, I keep very similar hours to your DD. I also work late and night shifts as part of my nursing training so will keep funny hours during those periods also. I'm disappointed that you believe anybody who doesn't adhere to your norm is somehow inadequate and lazy.

The child benefit thing is ridiculous. I can't believe you resent her that much.

So she's studying part time and has a job, and she's showing up to work and getting her schoolwork done? If it were me I'd congratulate myself on raising a teenager with some drive and common sense.

Some people need to read the thread
OP has said she doesn't like her kid doing distance learning because it means she doesn't get benefits now, and graciously doesn't charge her child rent
Grim.

What is it about her sleeping in that's bothering you? Does it affect you in some way? Like do you feel the need to creep around or something?

Let's look at the facts:

• She's getting 9 hours sleep which is good.
• She's working hard when she's awake

However, despite the 2 points above, you appear resentful that she isn't your version of a "productive" member of society. Her current schedule works for her, and as you've said she CAN get up when she needs to, I've no doubt that if her work schedule demanded it she'd conform as required.

I think you need to figure out what you're REALLY pissed about. Whether it's that you feel the need to creep around your own house, or whatever, and then talk to her about it. She may just need to adjust her schedule a bit because she's gotten used to her current one and it'll take some time for her to get a new one.

What do you do for a living, OP? If you were out of the house at 7.30 working a 9-5 job you wouldn't even know what time your daughter got up in the mornings.

YABU. If she went to bed and got up at 7, you wouldn't complain about her sleeping hours. But she goes to bed at 3 and gets up at 12 instead--the exact same amount of sleep time.

My parents used to give me a hard time over sleeping until 11 every day, despite the fact my bedtime was 4 am (due to work!). I finally pointed out that they were in bed from 10 to 8 every day--ten hours to my seven.

Mom still went on about how I was "sleeping the day away," but she's a night owl who could never understand some of the wonderful things that you can do after hours!

That was my sleeping when i was her age (except I did often have college to get up for ) then when I went to university it was pretty similar as far as I could get away with. Then I started working and adjusted to getting up earlier and having less sleep, then eventually I had to be in bed by 10. Now I have a baby and am up half the night but am lucky that he lets me lie in until 10am.

She'll be fine and will turn into a normal adult don't worry