AIBU to make DD get up?

[SammieZoe]

DD is 17, she is my 1st, so I have no idea if it's 'normal' behaviour.

She is learning from home, with a distance learning college, which is going okay. However, she goes to bed at 3 am and gets up at 12 pm. She does work hard when she gets up, but surely she should be getting up earlier? She has a cleaning job, but it's to clean schools (she does the after school cleaning) so she doesn't need to be up early for that either.

WWYD?

I used to be like this at her age, and my parents also used to despair.

I'm now 24 and rise before 7 every day. She's getting everything done so leave her to it. She'll grow out of it when she needs to.

My only reservation about people keeping odd hours is it can sometimes be a symptom of depression and a means of isolating themselves.

If you are happy that this is not the case with your DD I would let her get on with running her life on the times that suit her body clock.

My own DDad worked nights most of his life. He was a very outdoors type of man and it suited him best to have his leisure time in daylight hours.

I still don't understand why you object to distance learning.

OP objects to it because it means she doesn't get child benefit anymore

As for 'studies in bed' does she have a desk, comfortable chair and space in her room?

If yes

You don't know she's studying in bed all the time anyway.

Bed is a very comfortable way to read loads of people do it.

If no

Is the desk etc under your watchful eye?

There's currently around 1/2 million uni students in uk, I'd wager a fair amount of them study in bed! Especially in the winter.

I returned to uni 11 years ago, I was by the 2nd term a lone parent with a toddler - did most of my reading and a fair bit of my writing/notes in bed! Late/over night too. Was that unacceptable?

I don't like my 14yo staying in bed til 10 am on weekends, but that's just laziness. It would be a different matter if he had a reason to do it.
If your daughter is not being lazy but just has a different body clock, and she's getting whatever she needs to do done, you need to let her get on with it for now.

I just thought I'd put other points out there to see if I'm seriously the only one who doesn't like people laying around in bed

If you don't like it, don't do it, but it's not your place to control when a 17 year old gets up and goes to bed, especially when they work and study and manage to do both without issue.

She's not laying around in bed playing games though? She's doing work!
And yabu about times to get up/go to sleep not everyone works 9-5, I just got up a couple of hours actually as I was up working through the night till about 8am, and can choose my hours as I work from home, some people just work better later.

But she's not "laying around" - she's sleeping the recommended number of hours for a healthy young woman. It just happens to be not to your schedule. Then she is studying - that just happens to be her preferred location to do her studying.

Why don't you like distance learning? Law, maths and sociology?! That's a lot of work, especially with a job too. It takes a lot of self-discipline and motivation to complete those kinds of courses through distance learning. Full respect to the girl. You should be respecting her efforts, not complaining about how she arranges her hours to ensure maximum productivity.

I do a lot of work from home lying down on a sofa which is very similar to lying in bed - which I would do if I wasn't able to be completely alone while doing sofa work! Doesn't matter how you do it so long as you're comfy and the work gets done. Seems ridiculous to insist on someone moving a metre to the right to sit at a desk to do the same work except less cosy and comfortable.

Saying that she's "laying around in bed" is a bit disingenuous if she's studying while she's doing it!

She's living a productive life. Stop trying to enforce upon her your preconceived (and completely baseless) notions of how people should behave.

I did all my studying in bed at uni. No desk. I have a first class honours degree in law and French.
I still don't get what the actual problem is.
You don't like people lying in me all day? That's ok, you don't have to do it.
Do you work?

Law, maths and sociology - sounds brill. Also I think the discipline involved in distance learning will be a useful life skill.

aw, I feel like giving her a big hug and she's not my kid!

I wrote a novel in bed. YABU as absolutely everyone has told you multiple times.

Those are pretty intense subjects AND she's clearly made an effort to sort a way to do the law as it wasn't available locally AND distance learning requires a self discipline and organisation many adults can't manage.

STOP doing this poor kid down and give her some support!

Im still in complete shock about the child benefit comment to be honest

Lean, it's pretty telling

So she's a night owl, what's the problem? If she was failing her course I could see your point, but she's c just on a different time scale to you. Why try to control that?

No the point of that comment was to say that she's lucky she isn't paying rent!

There's no particular virtue about getting up before noon.

"The early bird catches the worm ?"

Stupid bloody worm should have stayed in bed !"

I just can't stop thinking about how pleased and proud I'd be of my daughter were she like the OP has described. She sounds responsible, focused, and with her head on straight.

Those are great subjects, and as I mentioned before, distance learning is tough, apart from the fact that A levels are tough anyhow. She must be very motivated and committed.

Can I come back to the question I asked previously, does she have an active social life? This would be my only concern in what you have described. Distance learning is very isolated, and her work takes place once most other people go home, so I hope she is finding time to meet up with her friends and have fun.

She's lucky she isnt paying rent, so in return she has to organise her life in exactly the way you want her to?

No the point of that comment was to say that she's lucky she isn't paying rent!

SHE LIVES AT HOME AND SHE'S 17.

She's only working part-time!

When she's 20+ and working full-time you can charge her rent with my blessing.

lorelei there was a mum on judge rinder yesterday who through her child out the house at 16 partly because her child benefit had stopped. The girl slept in the woods in a tent over the next year and on friends sofas. I couldn't imagine equating my child to purely monetary value.

She doesn't really have time for a social life as any free time she gets she wants to watch bloody Netflix but that isn't my fault