To be upset with school?

[PointyJat]

My ds started school in September. In his class is another boy (I'll call him Fred) who randomly kicked another child, causing bruises in the first week. Yesterday I was called in as Fred had punched my son in the playground, my son was upset and didn't fight back, school says it was a random act (ie they hadn't been arguing or playing, Fred just walked up and hit him).

His teacher said they are watching Fred carefully and he is being assessed. This morning, I found out from other parents that at least four other children have been hurt by Fred, each time it's random, eg one girl was hit in the eye during class, one boy was pushed over when he walked out of the toilet. School didn't tell me about all these other incidents.

I'm really upset that Fred is continuing to hurt children and the teachers don't have a handle on it. I need to see the teacher again to find out what's happening now i know about all the other incidents.They need to protect the children from injury but aibu to think the school haven't done enough so far? It's not just little pushes or shoves

Spot on meeeeetoooo. Schools are underfunded and don't have the resources to meet all the needs of all the children. We haven't got the funding is the standard response to any issue and the squeaky wheels get the grease. Unfortunatey the parents least able to fight for support tend to have the kids most in need of it. Sn kids have been shoved into mainstream on the cheap under the guise of 'inclusion' but because the money isn't there and a lot of staff don't have the skills to deal with them it just ends up being difficult for the teachers and other children. Sn kids are resented by the other pupils and their parents because their behaviour is poorly managed and they are seen to be taking time and resources away from other kids. The sn kids end up missing breaks and isolated and excluded all apparently in the name of inclusion. It is a shame because properly funded inclusion could work well for everyone.

There is a lot of ill will towards Fred and his parents from what I heard this morning, unfortunately people talk and it seems many of the parents know about all the incidents and want Fred excluded.

Well, those other parents sound a bit thick and lacking in empathy then.

it is bloody obvious this four year old has SNs and he is being assessed for them.

I have 2 girls, 1 boy. The girls tend to do with words what the boys do with their fists. That is my experience.

I have 2 boys and 1 girl and I say that is bollocks. That is my experience.

The child should have a Ta with them if they are randomly lashing out. Schools can apply for top up funding for this.

Ha ha .

In my experience has a lot of year one classes will have a fred. I know it's hard because your child got hurt, but I think most of us on here have had a child be hurt by another child. I also think that you might find your child at some point might hurt another child - accidentally or purposefully. I'd say a lot of people on here can relate to that too.

The best thing you can teach is resilience and forgiveness. If we know how to forgive other people it's so much easier to forgive ourselves which helps us to stop from getting stuck in life.

Your child is going to meet Fred all throughout life and all different settings. If he can tolerate and understand Fred is going to make such a great impact on the world. If he dislikes and fears Fred he will always feel a little bit trapped. Fred isn't going anywhere Fred is part of life .

Having been the parent of a 'Fred' you have no idea of the damage your unhelpful witch hunt will do to that child.

This with big fat stonking bells on it. I'm not mother to one of these children. I witnessed the damage done to a boy at dds school.

The boy had anger issues. Not surprising considering how his father smacked his mother around. They split before he went to school. A few years down the line, he's settled and no longer lashes out.

He whacked my dd a fair few times. We hold him no malice and I refused to engage in the parental witch hunt. Poor kid. He didn't have the skills to verbalise his pain.

I really really know how tough it is to see your kid being hurt. Dd remained friends with him for years. Children see things very different from adults.

Don't ostracise this kid because of it.

This is a 4 or 5 yr old boy. The school will be dealing with it. Let them.

Not sure what's funny perditalost. I was told the school couldn't afford any 1-1 for my son so applied for a needs assessment for him. Once the school had to give account of how they were going to meet his needs the suddenly came up with top up funding for him to have full time 1-1.

most of the children were told by parents to stay away from him. - sorry but I tell my child to stay away from people who physically hurt him too, when schools are doing sweet FA about children hitting my child what am I supposed to do? Tell him to hit back? Tell him try being kinder to the kid who has just wrapped his hands around his neck (which HAS happened to my 6yr old TWICE)? I appreciate it's difficult for all involved, including the parents of a child who is prone to lashing out, but no way will I encourage my son to be in the firing line by befriending a child who is known to have frequent violent outbursts.

If the school could give more information the parents would not have to talk between themselves to find out what is really going on. I suspect with children having been assaulted on top of the facts there will be some additional gossip which is not correct. It is a very serious matter, especially if he is hitting out to the head or eye area, if the school does not take appropriate action to keep the rest of the class safe there could be a seriously injured child and a big negligence claim. If the boy cannot be suspended pending the assessment then he should be the subject of a risk assessment and the appropriate action taken.

My son has had previous issues with hitting. I have mentioned this to a number of mums in my child's class and asked them to come and see me if it happens although it has become a lot less often. I have also reassured the parents that this IS being dealt with and we do not brush it under the carpet.
My son does not have SN and does not ATTACK children but does get frustrated at times and has punched and kicked children in frustration and anger and is always distraught afterwards because he knows this is wrong and is not kind. 99% of the time, he is a lovely kind child but gets easily wound up and is learning how to deal with this.

Support, according to the SENCOP, is based on need, not diagnosis. So an assessment and possible Dax will help, but the child should be supported whilst being assessed as he clearly has a need. Yes a one to one is expensive but the money can be applied for.

I have a Fred. He no longer attends school due to attitudes similar to some on this thread.

FameName, seems to me that the president-elect of the US is a bit of a Fred too...

SemiNormal

That sounds really tough and I don't have an answer to that one. From my perspective, I never told my dd to stay away from the Fred at her school. She had to learn to deal with him herself. He's her friend but then he never has his hands round her neck. In general, I don't think 4/5/6 yr olds should be told to stay away from other children. That's tantamount to bullying - but I get why in your situation as strangulation if it were to get that far is extremely dangerous. At dds school it was not as severe. I informed the teacher when I heard about parents forbidding their child to play with the boy on school property and the teacher confirmed that the parents have no authority to do so.

FameName, seems to me that the president-elect of the US is a bit of a Fred too..

If that's how you interpret him then I hope that you have harnessed lots of understanding and tolerance and forgiveness in your life journey so far.

Otherwise you're in for four years of fear and feeling trapped.

Kids don't need to be told to stay away from a child who hurts them. Telling kids they aren't allowed to play with a child is usually worse for the child that isn't doing the hitting. They are unable to join in group play involving the child and sometimes feel anxious when they want to play with the child who hits (at times they aren't hitting) but also don't want to do something their parent has told them not to. I have seen this working in schools and it often ends up isolating the child who has done nothing wrong for long after the hitting has been resolved.

And I've seen it be the cause of conflict when there would have been none when kids announce 'my mum says I can't play with you cos you're naughty'.

Mummyoflittledragon - Thank you, I think I'd have to disagree with that's tantamount to bullying - though in some circumstances I can see how that could be the case.

bumsexatthebingo - That's an interesting perspective and admittedly not one I'd considered before. Definitely food for thought. The childs behaviour has improved somewhat since after the summer holidays so I'm just hoping that will be the end of it now.

Wow, there are some caring compassionate comments on here. maybe it is the effect of the super moon. Clearly some people think there is a market for silence of the lambs type head harnesses for 4 year olds.

SemiNormal. It was parental bullying at dds school. That was my point.

bumsex. That was happening at dds school. Indeed it made the boy worse.

This thread has made me cry, it just compounds the total lack of any understanding or empathy in people.

Whats ironic now is all the perfect little angels who couldn't possible be near a nasty little savage like mine are currently involved in some pretty horrific social media bullying. Parents all completely in denial.

I won't hold it against those children, they are kids and will make many more mistakes as they grow up. My only wish for them is that it is dealt with CORRECTLY and left in the past.

I wish all parents were forced to spend at least one day observing a classroom to put an end to this sort of nonsense.

I find it absolutely laughable that some parents seem to expect a teacher to know exactly what 25+ children are doing at all times when they themselves find it difficult to deal with 2 or 3 children. It takes less than 10 seconds for a child to approach another child and hit them. It is simply not physically possible for a teacher to be next to every child constantly.

And as for simply applying for top up funding for a child with no assessment? Are you joking? I've taught in classrooms where children with significant disabilities, including an inability to speak, weren't given 1 to 1 due to lack of funding.

OP your child will come across lots of other children in his life that are difficult. Adults will do their best to protect him but at times they won't be quick enough. It's part of life. Rather than getting all irate about it and gossiping in the playground perhaps thank the lord that there are people actually willing to do the bloody thankless job of trying to educate your child and all the other children, regardless of disability, day in and day out?

I've got a 9 year old Fred! Without an referral there is no assessment, without an assessment there is no diagnosis and without a diagnosis there is no funding.
My Fred had been ostracised on the playground. He walks alone because he is petrified of hurting his friends.
She a confused boy with extra needs. He has not got learn how difficulties, he's highly intelligent. The world to him is black and white.
Come and talk to me, I can offer you reassurance that we are doing the best we can. I am giving s hook as much information, I am asking school got procedures to be put in place.

I don't home school my son, assessments can take a long time ... He is allowed an education. Bruises disappear over time but the emotional abuse my Fred gets will never disappear. They are permanent scars and they remind him that's even though he wants to join in.... He can't because he's just not like everyone else!

I'm just off to google the availability of special schools in my area for children with immense mathematical and language skills!!!

"Bruises disappear over time but the emotional abuse my Fred gets will never disappear."

I really do sympathise with you but

Bruises disappear? We are talking about children being hit. Unacceptable in any circumstances.

Funding can and is given before a diagnosis, but the diagnosis helps, & either way it's very hard to get and is often given ime quicker & at higher rates to children whose parents know how to fight for it.

Assessments need to be done within school for the most part. Not many ed psych will come to a childs home, those who will often find it more effective to astress the child in school also. Ot/slt/physio/camHS etc prefer to see children within schools also. And they prefer information from schools on how children interact/react etc in social situatins also.

Ofcourse effective supervision should be put in place to safe guard other children during this time, but schools are desperately stretched as it is. So take that up with this government who cuts everything.

Oh & dollop you can self refer or make a parental request for an ehcp, again it is often dependant on knowing the system well enough to fight for this but it is possible. We did it & got the top rates asked for despite no dx. & the assessor (head of sen at council) said 96% of parental requests were granted. So look into it if you havn't already.