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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just stop looking after their child, even though they don't have childcare?

152 replies

Jackson99 · 13/11/2016 08:33

Hi all,

I'm currently looking after 1 girl, she's almost 8. I'm not here to sit and slate the child, so please don't think I'm doing that. I am a live in nanny - I was really excited about this tbh, 1 child who I got on really well with (when we went on days out just before she hired me)...

She wakes me up (the child) at 4 am every morning. Which is fine, if that's what she wants, that's fine. However, in our contract, I'm allowed to sleep until 7:30, but if she wakes me from 6:30 I have to play games with her, so that's fine, but therefore I don't want to be up at 4! When she's up at 4, she doesn't just make me once, she starts throwing things around the room, tbh even that isn't the end of the world, if I wasn't actually able to say don't do that. Whenever I say that, she cries to her mum and her mum has a go at me about not telling her off. Yet I'm then moaned at for there being a trashed room. If I leave, I won't be paid for the 2 weeks I've done (I'm paid monthly and they cover my food, etc. so I don't ever need the money but obviously I would while I was looking for a new job. However, I think it's worth losing the money tbh. It's such hard work. WWYD?

OP posts:
Flowerpower321 · 13/11/2016 08:35

Wedge you door shut from the inside so she can't come in that early? Ear plugs?

Heatherjayne1972 · 13/11/2016 08:36

I'd look for something else tbh
Sounds horrendous. Bet there's a much better job out there

Lilaclily · 13/11/2016 08:36

Could you talk to your boss and say if she doesn't stop waking you at 4am
You're leaving ?
How come she doesn't go into her Mum? Could you get a lock in your door?

Original poster
Jackson99 · 13/11/2016 08:39

Sorry that was meant to say she moans at me for telling me off.

OP posts:
Pootlebug · 13/11/2016 08:39

Can she tell the time? Clock in her room and explain the rules to her - i.e. she is only allowed to wake you at 6.30?

But tbh a parent who won't let you tell her child off for throwing stuff around the room isn't really someone you want to work for and leaving makes complete sense.

PotteringAlong · 13/11/2016 08:41

Lock the door of your room so she can't get to you until 7.30 in the short term.

insancerre · 13/11/2016 08:41

You do have your own room, don't you?

8 is old enough to follow rules and tell the time

Tell her she is not to come into your room ever, its out of bounds

Tell her she is not to wake you up before 7.30 but instead is to go to her mum

At 8 my children used to go downstairs and watch TV and get breakfast

If your contract says you start at 7.30 then that's when you start
I think you may need to be a bit firmer with this child

Or yes, just leave because they are both exploiting you

NannyR · 13/11/2016 08:42

Are you sharing a room with her??? If so, that is not alright at all. Leave, there are better jobs out there.

If it's a separate room - 8 years old is plenty old enough to explain firmly that 4am is far too early, even if she wakes at 6.30 she should be capable of occupying herself till 7.30. I would wedge the door shut and ignore till 7.30. Are her parents not responsible for her before 7.30 anyway?

DefinitelyNotAJourno · 13/11/2016 08:42

You need to either stop this now or leave. The child that cannot be told off will just get worse. This is an 8 year old, not a toddler who cannot be expected to know better.

If the child cannot tell the time, you may like to try a gro clock which will help them understand when waking up time is. But frankly, with a mother who doesn't want you to bring the child up, I would walk.

Original poster
Jackson99 · 13/11/2016 08:42

I don't have a lock on my room

OP posts:
coconutpie · 13/11/2016 08:42

Do you not have a lock on your door? Tell the mum you are leaving unless they sort this out. Your contract starts at 7.30am. Why do you allow it at 6.30am?

coconutpie · 13/11/2016 08:43

Insist that you get a lock on your door or you are leaving.

PurpleWithRed · 13/11/2016 08:43

You can't nanny a child whose parents won't let you set boundaries unless you are happy to be her slave. Give in your notice and leave.

(And one of Charlotte Bronte's novels was about this too - Villette? Shirley? ...must dig them out...)

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 13/11/2016 08:44

4 am is ridiculous at 8 ( assuming child is nt)
She needs to either sleep or amuse herself. Have you a contract (sounds like it) point this out to mum, say I cannot do my job if I'm up that early.
Sounds like child gets her own way a lot. (I'm being very polite here)
Tell mum if she doesn't, months notice.(I'd be tempted anyway.)

lessthanBeau · 13/11/2016 08:45

Wait for payday, then leave with no notice, explain why, and if they want to sort it you'll stay (if you want to), if not then just leave at the next payday.

listsandbudgets · 13/11/2016 08:49

buy and install a bolt?

really though I agree with what Lilac says. explain to the mother that you can't do your job properly if you keep being woken at 4am and that of this continues yes you will have to leave. the child at nearly 8 should be old enough to understand that you need sleep - in fact given her age her behaviour sounds quite concerning.

perhaps her mum needed a nanny simply because she's exhausted herself.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/11/2016 08:51

Jackson, you need to find another job, this is intolerable.

LeninaCrowne · 13/11/2016 08:52

OP your employers sound "difficult"
I'm guessing this child has had a high turnover of nannies. I would wedge the door, and stick it out until your pay is in your bank account then walk.

tribpot · 13/11/2016 08:53

Could you make a point of not staying in the house overnight for a few nights, arriving at 07:30 when your hours of work start? Why are the parents not dealing with the child before 07:30, the fact you're there is irrelevant, surely?

ConvincingLiar · 13/11/2016 08:56

What happens if you point out its the middle of the night and send her back to bed/to her parents?

Bluebolt · 13/11/2016 08:56

Even if this is solved there are bound to be other issues that are problematic, this is just shadowing them.

insancerre · 13/11/2016 08:58

How does this child cope at school if she is up at 4 am?

StripeyMonkey1 · 13/11/2016 08:59

The parents must know there is a problem and are possibly hoping that you will fix it, super-nanny style. They should have told you about this before you started. Are they prepared to work with you on this now?

I think you might need to give your notice, but I would also explain nicely why you are leaving. If the parents both work I'd give them a couple of weeks to sort themselves out with alternative childcare rather than just leaving on payday.

Treeroot · 13/11/2016 08:59

They are massively taking advantage of you, if it's possible, I'd find another job asap.

Amelie10 · 13/11/2016 09:00

She sounds like a really badly behaved child with no boundaries, and her parents are encouraging this behaviour. If the mother is already of the mentality of having a go at you for a trashed room then what's the point of trying to speak to her. Save yourself the trouble and find something else. There are much nicer children and parents to work for.