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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just stop looking after their child, even though they don't have childcare?

152 replies

Jackson99 · 13/11/2016 08:33

Hi all,

I'm currently looking after 1 girl, she's almost 8. I'm not here to sit and slate the child, so please don't think I'm doing that. I am a live in nanny - I was really excited about this tbh, 1 child who I got on really well with (when we went on days out just before she hired me)...

She wakes me up (the child) at 4 am every morning. Which is fine, if that's what she wants, that's fine. However, in our contract, I'm allowed to sleep until 7:30, but if she wakes me from 6:30 I have to play games with her, so that's fine, but therefore I don't want to be up at 4! When she's up at 4, she doesn't just make me once, she starts throwing things around the room, tbh even that isn't the end of the world, if I wasn't actually able to say don't do that. Whenever I say that, she cries to her mum and her mum has a go at me about not telling her off. Yet I'm then moaned at for there being a trashed room. If I leave, I won't be paid for the 2 weeks I've done (I'm paid monthly and they cover my food, etc. so I don't ever need the money but obviously I would while I was looking for a new job. However, I think it's worth losing the money tbh. It's such hard work. WWYD?

OP posts:
Underparmummy · 14/11/2016 17:24

Run. Run as fast as you can.

Then the little girl can wake her own parents up at 4 and they can play with her.

Get out.

Katherine2626 · 14/11/2016 17:37

Others have been polite but I have to say she sounds like a spoilt brat, and mother sounds like the reason!
If you worked in an office from 9 - 5 and you were constantly being told that you had to start at 5 am, without extra pay, would you do it? You sound like a kind, nice patient person and both SB and her mother are taking advantage. If you don't want to leave, tell the parent/s that you need a lock on your bedroom door (there should be one in place already - your room, your haven) and your working hours start at 8.

mimishimmi · 14/11/2016 17:46

Does she wake you up at 4:30am so you can log her into the iPad to play Minecraft?

DameChocolate · 14/11/2016 17:55

Being woken up at 4 am on a regular basis is ridiculous.

Her parents wouldn't be happy if they were waking them up.

user1471521762 · 14/11/2016 17:58

The best thing would be to ask for half an hour of the mothers time without the child there and explain that although you like the child very much and like the job it is hard for you to carry out your duties satisfactorily when you are so tired. Ask for a lock on your door and for your agreed hours to be adhered to so you are able to give 100% when you are working. Make sure you stress how much you want it to work and how much you like them as a family. Take your contract with you to the meeting and write anything discussed down so you have a record. If this doesn;t work then maybe time to start job hunting! good luck

ilovechocolate07 · 14/11/2016 18:00

4am when your contract states 7.30 am isn't acceptable. The child's behaviour throwing things around is something that needs to be addressed too. If the parents don't want you to deal with it they way you are at the moment then they need to let you know what you are meant to do.

tempester28 · 14/11/2016 18:06

You should speak to the parents and suggest that you are worried about her waking up this early for her own good. It is not healthy for the child to be getting up so early and indicates a problem. The parents should be not letting this happen and if they will nnot sort it our you should not feel guildy about leaving at all!

Maybe wait till payday though!

Hunstanton · 14/11/2016 18:06

OP have you actually discussed this (too) early start with the parents? What is their response?
It's unreasonable - and for an 8 year old to behave this way seems most odd. You've not mentioned any medical reason for it therefore can only presume it's a bad habit? And one that needs to be tacked head on - by the parents first and foremost!

RevEm · 14/11/2016 18:19

I would point out the terms of your contract....you can sleep until 7.30am... And, I would get a lock!

maplesyruppancakes · 14/11/2016 18:23

Of course YANBU. The parents sound useless. It is not your job to deal with this situation, it is theirs.
Have you actually spoken to them and raised the problem. What was their response?

They do need to pay you for the work you have already done.

57968sp · 14/11/2016 18:38

Definitely use a door wedge after explaining the rules to the child. Explain the situation to the mother firmly stating that unless the terms of your contract are adhered to and set boundaries agreed you will be giving notice. Allow them the chance to make changes.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 14/11/2016 18:49

After all this advice, what happened this morning? Did you try any of the suggested methods for dealing with her?

NannyHJ · 14/11/2016 18:56

Forgive me if I'm mistaken but you come across as young and rather inexperienced. If I'm correct, you're bound to find it difficult to assert yourself when the child's parent is being so unreasonable. How did you get this job Jackson? I'm a bit confused by the bit about taking the little girl out for days before you were employed. Was this by way of getting to know the child or did you know the family already?

I've never technically been employed to live in but I've had jobs where proxy-parenting has been part of the deal and former employers have asked me back for overnights or weekends when they need a proxy. Even under those circumstances I wouldn't put up with being woken at 4am without there being a problem with the child.

I'm assuming also that you keep saying that bits of the situation are "fine" because you don't want to be told it's your job to put up with this situation. Nobody's going to say that to you. It's not fine, is it?

rushmess · 14/11/2016 18:56

How about putting her to bed a little later every night so she sleeps in till 6.30/ 7.00....seems like she finishes her quota of sleep by 4 Confused

user1467798821 · 14/11/2016 18:57

The trouble is, if OP just ups and leaves, she wouldn't be able to get references from them. I would assume that in this role, references would be essential? Time to put your big girl pants on and tell then your contracted hours are from 7-30 am, and unless they pay overtime, of at least double for unsociable hours, you will not be assuming responsibility for their child. Good luck!

LadyAEIOU · 14/11/2016 19:01

Hi OP have you tried talking to the mum and dad?

cheval · 14/11/2016 19:02

Also an eight year old must be knackered at school if they're waking at 4am. Sounds an awful place to work. Get something else sorted and leave. Not sure I'd even bother to explain to the parents if they can't see how dire this is for you.

cheval · 14/11/2016 19:03

Although I suppose you do need to get a reference...

NannyHJ · 14/11/2016 19:14

Is the two weeks' money you're owed for work done in the current month or have you only been employed for two weeks? If the latter, I'd be cutting my losses as far as a reference goes and just leaving it off your CV.

With nannying, you don't always get a good match. I've been lucky over the years with my employers but there was one occasion when I offered a week's notice after being with a family for only a fortnight. I knew I was never going to be happy with an employer who reprimanded me for not having a cooked meal ready for her DH because I'd spent the day cuddling a poorly baby.

riceuten · 14/11/2016 19:15

Leave !

maisiemoo14 · 14/11/2016 19:22

I have an 8 yr old son and he would not entertain the idea of coming in to us before 6:30am unless he was ill. This is very, very unfair of your employers who must be aware that she does this. Your working hours are 7.30 onwards. You should charge them overtime from 4am. I would look for another job. YANBU at all. X

Lillithxxx · 14/11/2016 19:28

What a brat. Wedge your door shut. Find another job. Leave these useless adults to enjoy the early call, all three people are taking you for a mug.

38cody · 14/11/2016 19:31

That's nuts! Why is she up at 4am? Why is she throwing things! Don't put a lock on the door as they will complain that you've damaged the door but tell the parents that you cannot work day and night, get through the month by sending the child in to mum if it's before 7 am.
And LEAVE as soon as you get paid.

mammamic · 14/11/2016 19:37

YABU if you don't give proper notice. What did you agree contractually? Whatever you agreed, you should stick to.

Cannot understand all the comments basically saying to just go. I'm sure if it was from the other side and it was the parent posting saying that their live in nanny had just up and left, the same people would be calling the nanny totally irresponsible, thoughtless and, I'm sure, other names.

Is it not possible to have a conversation about duties, routines, division of parenting versus nannying? discuss, agree, document, sign. And if they do sack you, it's what you want anyway so, either way, you don't lose.

and ask for a lock on your door

mammamic · 14/11/2016 19:42

YABU if you don't give proper notice. What did you agree contractually? Whatever you agreed, you should stick to.

Cannot understand all the comments basically saying to just go. I'm sure if it was from the other side and it was the parent posting saying that their live in nanny had just up and left, the same people would be calling the nanny totally irresponsible, thoughtless and, I'm sure, other names.

Is it not possible to have a conversation about duties, routines, division of parenting versus nannying? discuss, agree, document, sign. And if they do sack you, it's what you want anyway so, either way, you don't lose.

and ask for a lock on your door

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