To just stop looking after their child, even though they don't have childcare?

[Jackson99]

Hi all,

I'm currently looking after 1 girl, she's almost 8. I'm not here to sit and slate the child, so please don't think I'm doing that. I am a live in nanny - I was really excited about this tbh, 1 child who I got on really well with (when we went on days out just before she hired me)...

She wakes me up (the child) at 4 am every morning. Which is fine, if that's what she wants, that's fine. However, in our contract, I'm allowed to sleep until 7:30, but if she wakes me from 6:30 I have to play games with her, so that's fine, but therefore I don't want to be up at 4! When she's up at 4, she doesn't just make me once, she starts throwing things around the room, tbh even that isn't the end of the world, if I wasn't actually able to say don't do that. Whenever I say that, she cries to her mum and her mum has a go at me about not telling her off. Yet I'm then moaned at for there being a trashed room. If I leave, I won't be paid for the 2 weeks I've done (I'm paid monthly and they cover my food, etc. so I don't ever need the money but obviously I would while I was looking for a new job. However, I think it's worth losing the money tbh. It's such hard work. WWYD?

Are there salient points you're omitting here? An 8 year old up at 4am to play games and throwing things when not getting her way??

If there's not, buy a calendar and mark off the days until your next pay day and then walk out.

Do the family do any of the care for the child? Are you paid/contracted to provide 24 hour/nighttime care?

My son does this and he's 8. Except he's diagnosed with autism and we're awaiting further referral because it's obvious he needs some help with sleep (he goes to be at 10, gets up between 2 and 4 and is consequently a nightmare of exhaustion at school).

These people are taking the piss. Their child's behaviour is not normal and it's their responsibility.

Get out of there no and feel no guilt.

I don't understand why you keep saying her behaviour is 'fine' in your OP when it clearly isn't fine! It sounds as if you aren't very assertive.

I think it would be reasonable to have a discussion with the mother and say that you can't work if you have to be on duty in the night and before 7.30, so you will have to leave. Be really straight with her about your intentions and give her a chance to sort things out. But if she doesn't, YANBU to leave - this child's behaviour is only going to get worse if the mother won't co-operate in making things better for you.

I'm sure you could get another job where you were treated with more respect.

Does child have behavioural problems? What do parents say about this? Not fair on you to have to deal with this

I suspect that they have been through a fair few nannies.....

You need to explain that as your duties dont start until 7:30 then you will not be getting up with the child and expect her parents to deal with her until then. And every single time she comes to you, you take her into her parents and then go back to bed, they are using you to avoid having to deal with this issue as their sleep is not being disturbed.

And YY to wedging the door shut so she cant get in.

What other said I'd be taking her by the hand and knocking on parents bedroom door loudly. Telling 8 yr old I'd it's before 7.30 then she needs to see mummy

Leave. This is not hard work, it's unreasonable work. Hard implies that if you tried harder and practised you would get better at it. Your conditions are unreasonable. You absolutely should have a lock on your door.

Does she have two parents or just one? Do they both agree it is your job to get up at 4 am?
And it's not "telling the child off" to say "it's 4am go back to bed!"

Sorry just seen you talk about 'they'
So there are three adults in the house and yet this is your problem!

Them not having alternative childcare should you leave is not your problem, it's theirs.

Such parents will be able to find someone else. Given your description of your working day, I'd say they have had plenty of experience.

You have a number of choices:

Buy a rubber wedge at a hardware store and use it. Explain to the child that you will not be available to her in the morning until you're up and dressed and come to her. Meanwhile, your room is totally out of bounds 24/7. If your room is trashed by the child chucking things about it's really none of your employer's business. It's your private space, so she shouldn't even be looking in your room, never mind commenting on it.

Endure what you have to while looking for another job. Leave once you have your wages paid at the end of the month. You don't owe these people any notice. If your work was unsatisfactory they wouldn't think twice about letting you go without any.

Try to speak to the parents about your start-time and your unwillingness to be woken up and made to start your working day in the middle of the night. 4am is their time to deal with their child and not yours.

To be honest, if you're not even allowed to set utterly reasonable boundaries around the child's behaviour, there's not anything that you can do other than leave because it will get much, much worse, I promise you.

Look for another job immediately. If you really suspect they'd sack you for refusing to be on the clock from 4am; you can't see this as a viable position, surely??

They sound manipulative. And you are definitely bring taken advantage of. Lots of people have given really good advice and I think you should consider some of them before you leave.

If they sack you, then surely they would still owe you for the two weeks you've already worked?

And you say they have no other childcare (unsurprisingly)? They're unlikely to sack you then, aren't they????

YY on insisting your room is out of bounds. Every time she comes in early (6:30 as well as 4) tell her she needs to go to her parents if she needs someone. And if she won't go - you go and get her parents nad tell them you need your sleep - as stated in the contract.

BTW They are legally obligated to pay you for the time you've worked, even if you leave.

Are you sure your cut out to be a nanny - this is pretty basic boundary setting stuff. As a live in nanny you're in a pretty vulnerable situation and you are may be not quite ready to hold your own in that regard yet? Is it the only work you can get? Do you have somewhere else to go if you leave?

My friend is a nanny.

Her experience is that some parents want someone in house to care for the child and do household stuff whilst they are at work and others want to absolve themselves of the parenting role whilst still maintaining the parenting authority.

The former are great to work for the latter are a nightmare who expect you to act as the child's parent so that they don't have to, but without any of the authority/autonomy to do so.

It would seem that your employers are the latter.

What are the OP's rights, if she does stand up to her employers and they sack her? She would be entitled to the pay for the days she has already worked, but would she also be entitled to some pay in lieu of notice?

Jackson - it sounds like a truly awful situation. Is there any way you could sit down with your employers and tell them that you cannot carry on being woken up at 4am, nor should you have to put up with the child trashing your room, and ask them how the situation is to be resolved?

Failing that, I suspect your best option is to stick it out for the rest of the month, and then leave without notice when you have been paid.

Have you asked them for advice about the 4am thing, how they would like you to handle it? They'd have to be the most U people in the world to tell you to entertain their dc at 4am. So ask them what to do. If they give anything but a satisfactory answer, look for a new job.

She would be entitled to the pay for the days she has already worked, but would she also be entitled to some pay in lieu of notice?

She would not get notice pay unless the parents were dismissing her. If she resigned, then statutory notice or contractual notice applies. www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=4096
If an employee does not give the required notice, then the employer could try to take action via a court, though I'm not sure how many would bother. During probation the notice period is often short and if someone wants to leave it is often better for all concerned that it happens sooner rather than later, so an early departure date is agreed.

Wait until you're paid and then confront them. If they fore you at least you've been paid.
It still sucks though.

I'm trying to imagine being a live in nanny and the child knocking / coming in at four.

If my children come in before six they are firmly sent back to bed. (. They know the rules, no coming in before six thirty. )

In your shoes I would have sent her back to her room or delivered her to her parents.

I think you need to be more assertive. If the child moans at being disaplined then I would repeat what they had done and why they had been reprimanded. Again you need to be assertive.

Honestly I would speak to them, explain that you are unable to function before 7.30 and lock/wedge the door. Explain that you will leave if it is not resolved as you need to sleep and it's not working.

Didn't read all the replies. If they sack you, at least you can claim job seekers until you find another job.

Reason for sacking. .. unwilling to wake up at 4 am and work until 8. I don't think another employer would mind. It is difficult to find nanny positions without references though.

There are better jobs out there. The nanny role cam often be difficult especially at the higher pay scales, you put up with things that seem ridiculous and with employers who expect things of you, they would not be able to or be prepared to do themselves (get up at 4 and not tell the child off).

Decide if it's worth the money, if not, get out and get some sleep girl!!!

You need to be taking the child to their parents if they get up at 4am. I'm sure they would sort something out if it was them being disturbed. Remind them that you are contracted to start from 6:30 at the earliest.
If they want to sack you I would wish them luck in finding a nanny prepared to start their day at 4am!

You've got more cards to play here than you think. As octopus said, if you go they'll have to deal with her at 4am the next morning. So sacking you on the spot would bring that on.

My suggestion: plan a night away. Say you're staying at a friend's (just book a cheap Travelodge if this isn't possible) but that you'll make sure you're back and ready to start work at 7.30. Then, when they've had to sort it out themselves for a morning, have the conversation with them where you say the 4am starts can't go on, and which of the possible ways of dealing with it would they prefer you to try?

I'd actually do as I did before and use free time or job hunt. Make up a doctor or dentist appointment if outside of possible time (eg when child at school) to go to interviews/agencies etc. depending on other work this family has during school day you either have an excuse or use holiday time. I'd say use lunch time but probably too short a period and unsure if OP drives to attend interviews.

Her reason for leaving is valid. I don't think her employers will improve the situation. It may improve for a short while but then get worse again.

WeAreUgly has the parenting down to a T and these parents are basically lazy parents. Why should OP put it with this?

Pity she isn't in London I know a few families who potentially could be after a nanny/au pair.