To just stop looking after their child, even though they don't have childcare?

[Jackson99]

Hi all,

I'm currently looking after 1 girl, she's almost 8. I'm not here to sit and slate the child, so please don't think I'm doing that. I am a live in nanny - I was really excited about this tbh, 1 child who I got on really well with (when we went on days out just before she hired me)...

She wakes me up (the child) at 4 am every morning. Which is fine, if that's what she wants, that's fine. However, in our contract, I'm allowed to sleep until 7:30, but if she wakes me from 6:30 I have to play games with her, so that's fine, but therefore I don't want to be up at 4! When she's up at 4, she doesn't just make me once, she starts throwing things around the room, tbh even that isn't the end of the world, if I wasn't actually able to say don't do that. Whenever I say that, she cries to her mum and her mum has a go at me about not telling her off. Yet I'm then moaned at for there being a trashed room. If I leave, I won't be paid for the 2 weeks I've done (I'm paid monthly and they cover my food, etc. so I don't ever need the money but obviously I would while I was looking for a new job. However, I think it's worth losing the money tbh. It's such hard work. WWYD?

I would leave but ensure I used earplugs and wedged something under my door until you get up.

I don't think this scenario is likely to get better and you're last in long line of previous nannies.

If she could work with some of mummyoflittledragon's suggestions I'd say stay but I'm not sure if you, she or her mother have the patience to see that through!

8pm may be too early. 8, 8:30 is age appropriate normally but my 8 yo goes to bed between 9 and 9:30 simply because she wakes too early otherwise. Late bed times aren't necessarily a problem as long as the child is sufficiently rested :)

It's morning about not being able to stand up for myself but the the thing is they would just sack me.

Peppa, I'm in Sussex.

Apart from anything else, she needs more sleep.
So you could put that to her mum, that you are concerned about her welfare - as her mother should be!

Well if they sack you then they will have to pay you your accrued wages to date.

Slowandfrumpy has good ideas.

Tell the mother you now want paid from 4

Agreed with definitely but this situation is awful, you say if you stand up for yourself they'd sack you?!

I wouldn't be staying I'd be looking for another job ASAP and ensure you get paid what you're owed now. This is intolerable.

From 4 am!! This really is not on.

ThePinkOcelot but OPs situation is not really going to work out is it? I couldn't survive for weeks on end at being woken at 4am extra pay or not!

I would address it with them. Surely you can't be expected to wake from 4! What are the parents doing at this time? I'd ask for a lock too.

Have you posted in childcare board OP? You can I think set out your request for a new job there, they can also tell you your rights as a nanny what you're due in terms of pay etc. do you have a contract?

You are in a very difficult situation.

You need to arrange a time to sit down with the parents and go through what is working and what isn't. Be businesslike - it really isn't in their interests to lose (yet another) nanny. Apart from anything else, they'll end up being blacklisted by the agency.

What does your contract say? If you have to be up and ready at 7:30 then it is important that the parents make sure that this is what happens.

If you really think that you will be sacked (and lose pay) if you complain, speak with the agency. If there is no agency, then speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau. Withholding wages owed is actually quite a serious crime.

Can you just take the child through to her parents if she wakes you at 4?

These people are your employers, and they have fundamentally the same obligations as all other employers. What this means is they aren't really allowed to sack you simply because you don't want to work from 4am (as opposed to the agreed terms of your contract) and for an additional (currently unpaid) 3.5 hours a day.

Follow slowandfrumpy's good advice. Perhaps write what you want to say down so you don't get flustered - back pay, lock on door, 7.30am start going forward, etc. Be calm and make it clear that you understand your rights as an employee.

Of course, worst case scenario is that they still "revenge" dismiss you simply because you make an entirely justified request. In that case, there are still options for redress although you may feel you do not wish to follow them. Take a look at this, there are other similar articles out there:

www.payefornannies.co.uk/ending-employment-nanny-unfair-dismissal/

Sorry Jackson, I meant 'stand up for yourself' in a wider sense. Like, don't let people treat you like shit, and, if you're completely sure you can't regain your boundaries, then you stand up for yourself another way... Like leaving but in a way that's good for you eg not letting them treat you like crap with unpaid wages.

So, spend the next two weeks planning how to get out, so, interviewing for jobs, lining up where you'll stay if there's a gap between live in nanny jobs, ensure your references are in order (don't put these guys down as references obviously!), and wait for your pay. Then leave.

That's standing up for yourself :)

They are totally taking advantage of you. It's not okay to be treated like that. I sometimes find it easier to write down what I would like to say. If you did that in this situation, you could express your concerns without feeling intimidated and give it to her to read. She will be left in no doubt how you feel. She's probably exhausted herself, but if she realises you're serious about leaving and she'll have to go through the whole process again, she may sort it out.

If she wakes you at 4am, take her by the hand, lead her to parents room and knock loudly on their door.

Sounds like you've been there a short period so unless you've been there 2 years then you have no ability to claim unfair dismissal unless discriminatory. Which this case wouldn't be.

To be frank even if you get the 4am situation sorted these sound like the sort of employers who will treat you badly over most things. So as a nanny employer I would say try and sort things out short term but start looking for a new role

Eek. Leave, there will always be issues if you aren't allowed to tell her off. Run!!

Definitely leave. But you need to get a lot better at asserting your boundaries. If the child wakes you at 4am, wake her parents and tell them they need to deal with her. Your duties don't start until 7.30.

Leave and feel no guilt. 💐

You need a new job

Did you get this one through an agency?

The child sounds totally spoilt. None of its ok. Shes 8 years not months. Do the parents both work?

An 8 year old up at 4 after 8hrs sleep seems odd.
With the throwing too there is either something wrong or she is just out of control.
I'd suggest she see a professional to diagnose this behaviour.

Wierd behaviour at age 8 - there is obviously something amiss with this poor kid.

On the plus side, it could be an interesting and challenging role for you, and maybe you could really help her and make a difference. However, you must be allowed to assert yourself. Enabling this behaviour won't help her. Have a candid talk with the parents.