Is this fair?

[Tallzara]

Dh and I have two children, I work part time, he works full time. I earn 1k a month, dh earns 2500-3000k a month, this is all after tax.

Dh gives me £800 a month which he transfers into my account, out of the £1800 I pay all of the bills, rent, council tax, utilities etc. Dc1s school dinner money, all childcare costs, all clubs for dc1 so swimming lessons and so on. I buy the main weekly shop, most of the dcs clothes, put fuel in my car.

Dh pays for takeaways and any adhoc meals out.

Lately he has been forgetting to transfer the money and is saying that I obviously don't need it as I've only mentioned it a week after payday, also asking me what I'm doing with all the money and if I'm saving up.

Is he giving me too much money?

It should all be spilt evenly so that everybody is left with the same amount of income after bills every month

Or as you earn 1/3 of what dh earns, you should pay 1/3 of bills and he should pay the rest.

How much does everything cost?

DP and I pool all our money, pay all bills, put some into savings then share the rest between us both. He earns more money than me so I suppose he subsides me but that's our agreement and it works for us.

So he's left with at least a grand month to "play" with and you are left with nothing!

Doesn't sound fair to me. Money is for the family, it all comes in, bills get paid and then each person is left with the same amount of leisure money. The "bills" category may include some joint savings.

Does he give you £800 or £1800?

His 'pocket money' is more than your entire pay cheque?

I presume he does as much childcare, housework and similar as you?

Do you actually think this might be fair?

No. Joint account. All money in the same pot. All bills for the family out of the same pot. If you must have seperate money then take the same amount out each after all these things have been paid for.

Sorry, ignore me, I'm thick!

£1800 = your £1000 plus the £800 he gives you.

No, is he buggery giving you too much!

We pool the money, pay the savings, bills, pensions and other stuff and get the same, 'pocket money' for frivolous crap each week.

What is he spending his remaining almost 2K each month on?

So you earn less but contribute more?

Why don't you suggest to him that he do all those things and you give him one third of your salary (on the basis he currently contributes one-third of his salary). You then pay for takeaways and ad-hoc meals our. Let us know if he takes up your offer.

Is he giving me too much money?

No.

What a strange set up you have. You pay all of your salary for household/shared costs, while he has around £2K per month personal spends? That's not fair at all.

No he gives me £800.

I most housework and childcare because I work part time. But he does do his share when he's here.

The bills, shopping childcare and everything come to about £1600 but that's literally all rent bills children's activities, food shopping and clothes. I pay all of that out f my account. So I have around £200 left but I never really do anything apart from having my haircut and dh usually pays for any days out.

I'm not bothered apart from he's now begrudging giving me the £800.

Wtaf? What does he pay for?!?

And what does he spend his extra 24k a year on?

Why don't you see that your doing the majority of the cleaning and childcare 'because you work part-time' is what facilitates him earning more.

Where does the £2200 that he's left with go??

I'm not bothered apart from he's now begrudging giving me the £800

Why does he begrudge the £800? Does he think he shouldn't contribute to the finances?

I guess if you the monthly costs are about £1600, then he's paying half.
If you are happy with that, then fair enough.

What does he do with the extra £2K each month? Does he save it for family things (holidays, cars etc) or does he spend it on himself?

Read whole thing now.

No, it's not fair. It's utterly bonkers.

To give some perspective, I get the same in as you, ( I earn £1k and dh puts in £800). I pay for food and kids stuff. He pays for absolutely everything else.

The reason we do it like that is because when we moved in together he moved into my house so somehow we've just carried on like that. Now we're married and have dc I've reduced my hours and it's just carried on. We've never got round to opening a joint account.

Dh is saving a lot of money up though so we can buy somewhere, we've got quite a good deposit together between us, I came into some money. So he's not blowing the money.

Where does he think the other £600 will come from to cover all your family out goings if he stops giving you the money? I think you need to show him how much everything costs each month and agree a fair split of those costs (i.e. him paying at least 60-70% of them). It seems ridiculous that he'd not contribute more seeing as he earns so much more. What is he doing with his spare cash each month?

Surely you should be questioning him about where his money goes not the other way around.

Jesus god is he keeping £2200 for himself and now feeling that's not enough? What on earth is he spending it on?

Ah just seen your update that he's saving. That does make more sense. I suggest you sort out some proper joint finances - by all means keep your own 'pocket money' accounts if you want to, but set up a joint current account for bills, rent, food and costs for the DC.

But if he doesn't give you the money then you wouldn't be able to pay all the bills. No it's not fair. Do you both make pension contributions? Is he saving his extra money in a joint savings account?

Ah cross post :) even if he is saving it though he still needs to give you money for essentials. Also it needs to be a joint savings account.

Dh is saving a lot of money up though so we can buy somewhere, we've got quite a good deposit together between us, I came into some money. So he's not blowing the money

So he is saving the rest for the family, that does put a bit of a different spin on it, I suppose.

But I would be cross with him too, if he was 'forgetting' to transfer the £800 each month. I'd tell him to get a grip