Is this fair?

[Tallzara]

Dh and I have two children, I work part time, he works full time. I earn 1k a month, dh earns 2500-3000k a month, this is all after tax.

Dh gives me £800 a month which he transfers into my account, out of the £1800 I pay all of the bills, rent, council tax, utilities etc. Dc1s school dinner money, all childcare costs, all clubs for dc1 so swimming lessons and so on. I buy the main weekly shop, most of the dcs clothes, put fuel in my car.

Dh pays for takeaways and any adhoc meals out.

Lately he has been forgetting to transfer the money and is saying that I obviously don't need it as I've only mentioned it a week after payday, also asking me what I'm doing with all the money and if I'm saving up.

Is he giving me too much money?

So every penny you earn goes on living expenses, with him making up the shortfall. He then keeps his left over wages of approximately £2,000.
No. That is nowhere near fair.
He should be giving you £1,800.
Then at the end of the month you'd both have £1,000 left.

I suggest you start again. Pool the money, agree all bills come out of it. Work out what you want to put away I'm savings each month and then work out a fair split of the remainder so you both have the same free money. The way you're doing it is completely unfair to you!!

Blimey, ok my husband and I have different earning levels, we each put two thirds of our salaries into a joint account, that then pays for everything, from the bills to evenings out. It's transferred from our own accounts to the joint account automatically each month.

The other remaining third is hours to spend as we please, to save or spend, and is held in our own seperate accounts.

You can come up with your own percentages to come to the number you think uou need to run your home, but for me this is fairer, saves arguments and removes the discussion on who earns what as well as that discussion on " do you really need another lipstick? " .

And these savings go into a joint account that you have access to?

MrsTerryPratchett I have pointed out that in my working part time and doing the bulk of the childcare I'm facilitating his earnings.

He is saving a lot and as I say pays for things like takeaways, meals out, daytrips a lot of the time.

I was just gobsmacked this morning I mentioned he hasn't transferred the £800 and he said "oh you obviously don't need it if you're only just mentioning it". He has before asked what I spend it on.

I think I need to have a chat with him later and a reality check.

Is the money he is saving up in a joint account OP? Otherwise it is his money not yours (which he could spend at any time without your knowledge or say so). You need to pay bills, food and childcare out of joint money and save jointly for the house deposit.

I was just gobsmacked this morning I mentioned he hasn't transferred the £800 and he said "oh you obviously don't need it if you're only just mentioning it". He has before asked what I spend it on. Does he think magical pixies pay for the bills?

you have two children.

All money should be shared.

No ifs, no buts, no coconuts.

No, the savings aren't into a joint account they are in his account. That's another story, I'm fairly sure he's not going to run off with the money he's been saving in his current account rather than transferring into an ISA or savings account. He's kept mentioning getting a joint account but we never get round to it.

It was a few months ago he asked what I'm doing with all the money then this morning I was gobsmacked.

The reason I haven't chased up the money is I've got an ISA of my own and an internet saver so I dip into that when needed.

The OP does the childcare.... she has sacrificed her income so that she can care for the children.

what sort of fucked up relationships do y'all have if you think he's entitledto his money.

OP your DH sounds like a twat.

And he's going to run off with money. Or he's thinking about it.

Op

Who's holding the money you came into?

Thanks got to do school run now so will read when I'm back.

No, shouldnt both of you pay the same % of your salary?

It's a mess and you know it. Sit down with him, say that the system from now on needs to work better. Savings in a joint saving account, a joint current account for bills, agreed 'pocket money' that you do what you want with and he doesn't behave as if you are the bloody staff again.

His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

And anyhow...

You are doing school runs and all these things, if you're the main caretaker I'd expect you to pay less % of your salary

I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you, op. DH moved into my house so I pay all bills out of my money still.

I'm pregnant now so not sure how our set up will change but for dh and I, it doesn't matter who pays what or what account it's in, it's all seen as joint money.

What do you think the intention behind his comment was? If he's saving hard for you both, it could be that he's genuinely asking if you need the money. Or it could be that he's being a dick

No, shouldnt both of you pay the same % of your salary? The reason this system doesn't work is that women earn less on average than men. Quite a lot less. So, because the world is sexist, women get less. Their labour and time is valued less in the employment world and less at home.

Same savings and pension, same pocket money, same time off.

No it's not fair. Tell him you'll give him a third of your wage and he can pay all the bills if he thinks you're getting the better end of the deal. What's the issues with you saving it anyway?

This boggles my mind, you share a life, a house, a bed, a marriage, children (especially this bit) with someone and yet you have such a strange (to me) financial set up - I couldn't be in a relationship where my DH thought it was reasonable to do what your DH is doing, sorry.

He is saving a lot and as I say pays for things like takeaways, meals out, day trips a lot of the time

Thats because hes got LOADS money left!! And yes I get "hes" saving for the "family" but this shouldnt be at the expense of begrudging money to pay the everyday bills and buy food!

It's the fact that he asked you what you are doing with all the money that gets me! Like he's giving you thousands per month and you're frittering them away. Doesn't he realise how much things cost or does he even think that your £200 leftover money is too much? You mentioned a reality check-he seriously needs one

No, shouldnt both of you pay the same % of your salary? The reason this system doesn't work is that women earn less

You need to get that joint account sorted quick-sharp.

Please don't say he's holding your inherited money?

Is he aware of the household outgoings? Whilst I agree it doesn't sound equal I would also suggest most partners who are not in charge of the finances have absolutely no idea how much a house and kids cost to run. I'd itemise it for him and stick that under his nose.

I honestly cannot imagine having this kind of dispute with DH. Before we had kids we had our 'own' money. However since the kids came, everything is joint. We consult each other about any large spending but daily spending and stuff..its all together. Usually we end up with next to nothing to spend on ourselves because we spend all 'spare' money on nice things for the kids.