To discharge myself from this horrible, torturous place?

[MaisieJ]

I am in hospital following an elective knee replacement. When I got back onto the ward the pain was pretty bad and I'd been told to buzz for painkillers so I did. auxiliary came in and said she'd let the nurse know. 30 minutes later no sign of nurse and pain is worse so I press buzzer again. Brash auxiliary came in and turned off the buzzer saying "I've already told her, constantly pressing your buzzer won't make her come any quicker!" 😲
At this point I also needed a wee but thanks to her attitude I didn't feel like I could ask her so thought I'd hold on for the nurse. 30 minutes later I'm busting to go so reluctantly pressed the buzzer. Same woman comes stomping back in 10 minutes later and snaps "is this about painkillers again?!" So I said no, I needed a bed pan. So off she strops, comes back in 10 minutes later and tries to drag me onto this horrible disgusting bedpan. Baring in mind I'd had no pain relief yet. I cried out and told her I couldn't do it so she said she'd go get help. 10 minutes later, no sign of her and I ended up pissing the bed. Mortified and I tears I tried to wipe myself best I could. Next minute she's back with another auxiliary, they fling my covers back rattling on about "getting on the bedpan" and realise my bed is soaked. The big horrible woman says loudly "you've already done it!!! Are you normally incontinent because if not, you shouldn't be incontinent in hospital either!" Basically making out that I'd done it on purpose.

Cut long story short they changed my sheets and I ended up drifting off to sleep. A while later I woke up, horrible taste in my mouth, I groggily reach for my glass of water and end up knocking it all over my bed. I called dh in tears saying my bed was wet and the auxiliaries were going to go ape at me. He insisted I press my buzzer and said he was making a complaint. I tried to clean it up myself but another patient saw and pressed her buzzer. Next minute I hear one of the auxiliaries say "she's gone and chucked water all over her bed now, well she can stay like that until I've finished with meals."

I eventually got clean sheets but I feel horrible. The auxiliaries have said stuff to the other women in the room like "when certain patients constantly demand attention it takes care away from those that genuinely need it". Now the other women in the room have started being funny with me too.
This morning I was woken up by a clattering trolley. Auxiliary said "what do you want for breakfast?". I said "I'll have a cup of coffee please" to which she rolled her eyes and snapped "im doing cereals! Not drinks! " I then heard her say to a student nurse "I swear I can't be doing with another day of her!"

What have I done???? I just want to go home whether I'm ready or not. DH is coming later so I'm considering asking him to just take me home with him. Bollocks to infection

That's really awful, OP. I had nothing but wonderful care when I was in hospital and so did my dad recently. Please do complain when you are feeling up to it.

Yes complain. I've had great care over the years but wouldn't hesitate to make a stand. Lots of people won't be in a position to due to age/illness/needs and so it's important you make a stand for yourself and those that can't.

Please complain to the matron/ward manager while you're there op so that you have a chance of better care.

Please don't go straight on twitter naming and shaming!
And writing to your mp? Really??! Is that going to improve your care right now???
Speak to the ward manager and pals. Get your complaint heard and give them chance to rectify the problem.
As others have said they may already know about the hca's attitude and are trying to get rid of her. Employment laws make it hard to sack anyone, no matter how awful they are!!!

Yes complain to the matron immediately op this is awful.
As someone said up thread some people are just not suited to working in hospitals. My little boys been back and forth this year - some of the staff have been amazing but one ward we were on for over a week was absolutely shocking I was in tears most days there fighting for his meds, new bedding etc (he was 6 months old at the time).
He had to have antibiotics through a tube it was supposed to happen around 7pm but most nights happened much later one night didn't happen until past midnight so he was really distressed and beyond tired- when I buzzed the nurses to let them know it finished and could they take it out I have 2 of them arguing with me and each other about whose turn it was to take it out before one stomped off shouting and slamming the door! The whole time this is going on my 6 month old is lying there screaming his head off desperate for a feed I'm livid thinking about it now!
Anyway I put complaints in whilst there, tweeted about the appalling care on that ward and have since had a meeting with the head of childrens nursing.
I hope your care improves dramatically today op and you can recover in peace

I hope your DH managed to tear a hole into someone.

My DF recently had to have corrective and re-corrective surgery on his replacement hip. There was a couple of staff who were treating patients similarly to how you describe. DM put in a complaint after DF was discharged from the ward (temporary stay there) but they reappeared at his second surgery on the ward he was in - DM insisted, given she'd realised that in an emergency he'd need treatment so refusing them wouldn't help DF ultimately, that if she heard he was treated in any way similarly to last time then she'd take it a lot higher than the matron and PALS. They were kept away from him.

I had similar treatment about 7 years ago in a week long hospital stay, I won't go into details but I would say you need to make a complaint, I still suffer from occasional panic attacks and last year needed some counselling because I was suffering from post traumatic stress and I'm still convinced that if I'd complained it would have made a difference to my feelings and i wouldn't suffer from the guilt that I could have made a difference to other people's treatment by complaining.

Having stayed both in NHS and private hospitals I have come to the conclusion that some people go into nursing because they want to bully.

I would discharge myself.

Hope things have improved for you, whatever you have decided to do. Get well soon.

I am so shocked I had to post to say, most importantly I hope your Operation was successful and you can move onwards.

It is an absolute disgrace that, at your most vulnerable you were treated appallingly. Any procedure is traumatic and you needed empathy when you were in pain. The hospital staff had a duty of care and clearly their heart wasn't in it. Being overworked is no excuse, they shouldn't have taken it out on you!

Bloody hell. I'm a nurse and I am utterly horrified by your treatment OP and by some of the other stories. I'm in Northern Ireland and, hand on my heart, I have never known anything like it on any ward I've been on as a nurse or a patient.

Please keep a written account, including names of staff and complain to the ward manager and the Trust. If you contact pals they will give you the proper procedure o follow. If you can't face it, get your husband to do it as it's completely unacceptable for staff to treat you that way.

I really am completely horrified. I hope you have a speedy recovery op and feel better soon

I'm afraid to say that your post doesn't surprise me at all. I have seen so many incidents like this at 3 different hospitals.

Of course, there are many good HCP's. I know that. But my experiences have led me to believe that a certain type of person is attracted to the job of 'caring' for vulnerable people. In my experience so many awful bullies seem to enjoy the feeling of superiority and power over people who are weaker than them.

I could list so many examples just like what you have described.

When I was on a post natal ward I overheard a HCP say that she was sick of looking at fucking stinking fannies all day.

My mum was in hospital and was refused pain relief that a doctor had told the nurses she was able to have on demand. When we checked her notes, they had written that she had been given pain relief that she had never received.

My mum, who was very, very poorly herself, was woken in the night by an elderly lady calling for help. After 10 minutes she went wandering and found her covered in shit in the toilet. After calling and pressing buzzers for another 10 minutes, my mum helped clean the lady up and got her back to her bed. When my mum told nurses in the morning, they didn't seem concerned. They were annoyed.

My mum was in hospital for a long time and made a few complaints over serious issues. She said that the nurses got very frosty towards her in the end. My mum (who is not elderly) was on a ward with a lot of elderly patients, and I think the nurses were used to dealing with people who couldn't speak up for themselves.

We heard nurses taking the piss out of a lady who was in the bed next to my mum. They were 'joking' that she was in a football stadium today and was on an aeroplane yesterday. The lady was very confused. The poor woman had lost her son, and his wife had committed suicide a month later. She spent hours crying for her boy and they kept telling her to cheer up.

I volunteered to feed elderly people at my local hospital. I only did it 3 times and reported shocking incidents to my manager after each session. I was told that I was too sensitive for the role and maybe it was best I didn't return.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Please write everything down and make formal complaints when you feel up to it.

I've thought about this thread a lot, how are you op?

The very last thing I want to do is bash nurses, the majority of which I think are very professional, compassionate and caring, if shockingly overworked and underpaid. But, I can't help but agree with a pp that roles involving care of vulnerable people does seem to attract a certain type of person. I have witnessed come wonderful acts of kindness and some despicable acts of indifference, incompetence, and downright cruelty in hospitals. Visiting elderly relatives on wards account for my most upsetting memories of my teens.

I had a wonderful, vibrant, mentally agile and dignified aunt, who lived to her late nineties, mostly independently. I can't bring myself to type out what I witnessed when she was in hospital for the last time, but just before that, when I was about 18 and she was at home, I found myself unexpectedly alone and helping her when she was ill. I helped her get changed and settled in bed twice in quick succession after she had wet herself. She was so frail and I was so worried I would hurt her or do the wrong thing and I hated seeing her vulnerable and embarrassed in front of me. When she started crying afterwards, I assumed it was the embarrassment and the illness so I comforted her the best I could. Finally, when I asked her why she was crying, she told me that only the very best few carers or nurses she had come across didn't hurt her by being too rough or tell her off when helping her (she was soo frail), and that she had never been treated with such kindness, patience and dignity. She said I would make a wonderful nurse. I could not understand why anyone would not do their best to help and not hurt someone. (I still don't to be honest) And also, that I didn't think I was strong enough to be a nurse as I couldn't care for everyone with the love they needed or I'd never get my work done! I know that she was trying to reassure and be kind to me, but that conversation has never left me.

At 18, I learned a lot of things I hadn't previously known about the human race

Anyway, sorry for the waffle. [flowers[ and more to all the wonderful and kind nurses and carers out there, I hope you know how much you are valued.

I watched two nurses in the bed next to my dad clean up an elderly man whilst talking above his head and not once speaking to him or making eye contact with him.

I'm a nurse. This is totally and utterly unacceptable. OP take your time constructing a formal complaint. please take a look at the Nmc code of conduct www.nmc.org.uk/standards/code/ (download pdf) and make notes of everywhere they have failed (auxiliary aren't bound by this like nurses but it's what is still expected of them). Note names times dates etc. Good luck

If u would like help feel free to pm me.

As a nurse I urge you to complain.

Id be mortified if any staff I worked with acted like this!

I understand the job is tough but they chose to do it so tough shit, if they don't like it they need to find another job!

Really sorry you've experienced such appalling attitudes. Hope you make a speedy recovery.

Also, ask to see the sister or ward manager, explain you want to self discharge and explain to her all you have in your op.

Hope you have managed to speak to someone. Sounds shocking!

Rabidu

They deserve to be named and shamed. In fact, I think people, on this thread, actually naming hospitals is a good thing. Why the hell should those hospitals - which employ pathetic, vile bullies - not be named and very thoroughly shamed? Even if only a few of their "caring staff" are guilty of this conduct, it should still be put out there in the public domain.
If people who are still capable in their own lives, mothers who have just given birth, people who have had elective surgery etc, are treated in this shameful manner when they are ill, I absolutely dread to think of the sort of cruel abuse very elderly, frail people have to suffer.

I have a had a few hospital stays over the last couple of years.....

First time I was wheeled on to the ward after a breast cancer op,staff lovely,then night shift turned up.....two young health care girls ran around all night,lots of dementia patients on the ward .Those two girls still asked how I was if I passed them on the way to the loo.they were amazing and I take my hat off to them how hard they worked that night.

But while they were running round like headless chickens three ward sisters were sat on there arses all night talking.I know because the nurses station was next to the toilet and for some reason I had to go every 30 mins.....they never once smiled,asked how I was etc.

Second time in hospital different ward......the sister gave everyone jobs to do but she also got stuck in herself,her attitude was she wouldn't ask anyone to do anything that she wouldn't and nobody needed to rush round like headless chickens because they were all there to pitch in.Patients were happy and all the staff were lovely and caring.

Anytime I have been in hospital since I expect the same treatment......wish I had said something to the 3 lazy mares sitting there watching others do everything.

I hope you are ok OP,but you must report this awful behaviour,they could be treating others like this who have no family to stick up for them.

I'm afraid I'm another who is not surprised by how you've been treated. I've had the same, several times.

I hope you've managed to get something sorted OP and not in too much pain

I once attended a workshop for people involved in patient rights. It was led by an inspiring disabled man who talked about his hospital experiences. He had basically been tortured by a number of NHS staff over many hospital stays over many years - not maliciously, but because they didn't listen, didn't read notes, didn't provide the care detailed by doctors. It had got to the point that he would prefer not to be admitted to hospital again even if he medically needed to be. He was young, bright, articulate and hugely bitter about his experiences.
It was hugely shocking. I think the NHS is great, but there is too much potential for unchallenged abuse.

This is about the most depressing thread I've read

OP's not been back however. Hopefully that means she's been given some pain relief, is comfortable and has got some rest.

I really hope things have changed since you first posted OP. The care you have been receiving is appalling and I really hope your DH has ripped them a new one!