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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To discharge myself from this horrible, torturous place?

207 replies

MaisieJ · 31/10/2016 12:17

I am in hospital following an elective knee replacement. When I got back onto the ward the pain was pretty bad and I'd been told to buzz for painkillers so I did. auxiliary came in and said she'd let the nurse know. 30 minutes later no sign of nurse and pain is worse so I press buzzer again. Brash auxiliary came in and turned off the buzzer saying "I've already told her, constantly pressing your buzzer won't make her come any quicker!" 😲
At this point I also needed a wee but thanks to her attitude I didn't feel like I could ask her so thought I'd hold on for the nurse. 30 minutes later I'm busting to go so reluctantly pressed the buzzer. Same woman comes stomping back in 10 minutes later and snaps "is this about painkillers again?!" So I said no, I needed a bed pan. So off she strops, comes back in 10 minutes later and tries to drag me onto this horrible disgusting bedpan. Baring in mind I'd had no pain relief yet. I cried out and told her I couldn't do it so she said she'd go get help. 10 minutes later, no sign of her and I ended up pissing the bed. Mortified and I tears I tried to wipe myself best I could. Next minute she's back with another auxiliary, they fling my covers back rattling on about "getting on the bedpan" and realise my bed is soaked. The big horrible woman says loudly "you've already done it!!! Are you normally incontinent because if not, you shouldn't be incontinent in hospital either!" Basically making out that I'd done it on purpose.

Cut long story short they changed my sheets and I ended up drifting off to sleep. A while later I woke up, horrible taste in my mouth, I groggily reach for my glass of water and end up knocking it all over my bed. I called dh in tears saying my bed was wet and the auxiliaries were going to go ape at me. He insisted I press my buzzer and said he was making a complaint. I tried to clean it up myself but another patient saw and pressed her buzzer. Next minute I hear one of the auxiliaries say "she's gone and chucked water all over her bed now, well she can stay like that until I've finished with meals."

I eventually got clean sheets but I feel horrible. The auxiliaries have said stuff to the other women in the room like "when certain patients constantly demand attention it takes care away from those that genuinely need it". Now the other women in the room have started being funny with me too.
This morning I was woken up by a clattering trolley. Auxiliary said "what do you want for breakfast?". I said "I'll have a cup of coffee please" to which she rolled her eyes and snapped "im doing cereals! Not drinks! " I then heard her say to a student nurse "I swear I can't be doing with another day of her!"

What have I done???? I just want to go home whether I'm ready or not. DH is coming later so I'm considering asking him to just take me home with him. Bollocks to infection

OP posts:
AlexaTwoAtT · 31/10/2016 12:56

And yes, get out of that situation as soon as you can. The caring profession - the irony.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/10/2016 12:57

Really though, what is reporting/speaking to the ward manager going to achieve?

In my case,the nurse was pulled up so sharply and told in no uncertain terms she was to do her job and provide an acceptable level of care that the next night she was as nice as pie. Mind you, the whole ward complained about her so something HAD to be done!

TheSconeOfStone · 31/10/2016 12:57

My DH discharged himself after one night following knee reconstruction surgery as the ward was so appalling. He ended up with an infection and had to go back in for 4 nights. Luckily it was a different hospital and he had brilliant care.

On another occasion DH had an exploding appendix (we had a fun year with his health not so long ago) and the post op care was similar to what you describe. I work at the same hospital and asked to see the ward manager. The matron stepped in and she admitted there were problems on the ward. Things did eventually improve but I did feed back through PALS and Healthwatch.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

IScreamYouScream · 31/10/2016 12:58

Hiro, was one flaming not enough for you?

You wonder why she needed a knee replacement? What are you suggesting? She brought it on herself with her diva-like attitude?

AlexaTwoAtT · 31/10/2016 12:58

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ashamedtoask · 31/10/2016 12:58

I work on a surgical ward, I'd want her sacked or sent elsewhere. What disgusting behaviour.

Fwiw I was admitted as an emergency last week for pain control - I was admitted at 5pm, I asked for pain relief several times and eventually got stuff at 11pm. Unfortunately by that point I was in agony and needed morphine before I could get any relief. Hospitals can be fucking terrible when it comes to these things.

MaterEstIratus · 31/10/2016 12:59

Elective knee replacement merely means that it wasn't an emergency not that it was unnecessary. I don't expect the OP got up one morning and decided her knee wasn't pretty enough. No one has their knee replaced for the fun of it.

spidey66 · 31/10/2016 13:00

I've been on both sides.I'm a nurse (mental health though) and in the past year have had two ops, one was day surgery though. When I was in for a couple of days (following a hysterectomy) all the nurses were very kind and hard working and I've no complaints. Last week I has keyhole surgery on my knee and while most of the staff were great, the anaesthetist gave one of the staff a bollocking in front of me for bringing me down to the anaesthetic room too early because she'd wanted to speak to me in the preparation area. I did speak to the nurse in the room with me and said while I didn't want to take it any further, I did feel that it was unprofessional to argue in front of patients. (And to the pp, that wasin the North Middlesex....the positive experience was the Whittington.)

I always try hard to remain professional and empathetic with patients and always treat them with respect and kindness. I treat them how I'd want to be treated.

I think you should complain, otherwise it won't get any better.

Purplebluebird · 31/10/2016 13:00

That's horrible!!! Definitely make a complaint, nobody should be treated like that. I hope you get out soon Flowers and get some pain killers with you!

flumpybear · 31/10/2016 13:01

That's horrendous!! Speak to the ward manager!!

Labracadabra · 31/10/2016 13:03

Maybe Hiros is one of the auxiliaries? Certainly has the same level of empathy and exceptional people skills......

SoupDragon · 31/10/2016 13:03

Explain that.

Exactly what I said.

OlennasWimple · 31/10/2016 13:03

OP - how are you doing now?

Elendon · 31/10/2016 13:04

Last time I was in hospital, I was told all about pain management. Your pain will be managed I was told. Bollocks it was. I was in constant pain, the men were served painkillers first because they get violent if they don't get their painkillers (I was told this by a HCP). If women complain, they are told they are difficult. Women are expected to be compliant, if a man is compliant he is a saint.

Your treatment has been disgraceful. There is no excuse. And I've gone private and the only difference is better meals and a private room. Same attitudes.

listsandbudgets · 31/10/2016 13:04

YANBU to want to leave OP but you need to speak to ward manager and express your concerns - not least because you're probably not the only one being treated like this.

You're being treated appallingly. I was in hospital in June. I told a lady I felt sick - was so disorientated I didn't realise she was a visitor just passing but she obviously passed it on because within minutes there was an auxillary in the room but it was too late - vomit every where Blush.

She called a student nurse and within 15 minutes I was back in a clean bed, with a clean gown, my hair brushed and plaited out of my way, face washed and a huge pile of containers in case I was sick again. I was so well looked after I was almost sad to leave. I know auxillaries are busy but a smile, some compassion and a bit of bedside manner does not go amiss.

I hope you feel better soon and things improve while you are there.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 31/10/2016 13:06

Knee replacement surgery is renowned for being one of the most painful things - especially for the first two days and you need some serious pain relief.

If you are past the first couple of days I would discharge myself.

Then complain when you get home.

JellyBelli · 31/10/2016 13:07

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Labracadabra · 31/10/2016 13:09

Elendon is quite right, attitudes can be just as bad in a private hospital too (although there are some fab staff in private as there are in the NHS). As for the OP being entitled...she is! She's entitled to respect and care and her needs being met!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 31/10/2016 13:14

Soup I guess you're saying OP is lying.

Well you know, I might have thought similarly until this year when I was admitted for 5 days to a surgical assessment unit at a major teaching hospital. I 'just' had a completely blocked kidney, no drug addiction/ obesity/ other complications.

Despite the fact that I needed emergency surgery, I was pretty much treated like a nuisance. Took hours to get pain relief. Once, I had to wait the best part of a day for a drip for fluids to be hooked up. The nurses weren't as rude as in the OP but basic failures of care are not unusual.

By contrast..............can I just praise the WONDERFUL staff at Bristol's Southmead hospital? I was there last week for surgery again and what a difference from the other hospital. If one place can do it, why can't they all?

Elendon · 31/10/2016 13:15

Yes, of course there are great professionals in both sectors, absolutely.

When I went home I recovered mentally more quickly as I did have the proper pain relief on hand every four hours. I didn't abuse it (there seems to be a mindset that the patient is going to abuse painkillers, it might happen, but in the majority of cases it doesn't).

If I ever have to go into hospital again, I might be tempted to smuggle in pain killers (your bag is searched for pain relief).

TheSconeOfStone · 31/10/2016 13:17

I complained to PALS about a Dr being hard to understand and very cold and intimidating to my 5 year old at an ophthalmology appointment. My DD has regular appointments and is used to being spoken to with respect and sensitivity. I was concerned about vulnerable patients such as the elderly seeing this Dr and not understanding him.

The clinical director had a little chat about his bedside manner and reported back to me.

If patients don't let the hospital know they can't address these issues. I'm sure they often have their suspicions about certain staff members. Reporting provides the evidence to address certain HCP's behaviour.

NC1nightstand · 31/10/2016 13:18

Personally I would discharge myself and give the reason - the disgusting way that women has treated you. Complain. The NHS is an absolute Godsend and people like her don't deserve to work in it!

MollyHopps · 31/10/2016 13:18

Don't forget to get the name of the HCA in question and tell the nurse. If I did something like that to any of my patients I would have my arse handed to me by the duty nurse.

And yes, get DH in and make a complaint to PALS. Absolutely disgusting the way you have been treated by her - and its NONE of the other Patients business, either.

JellyBelli · 31/10/2016 13:20

Ffs dont discharge yourself, you need medical care. Complain now. Tell the Aux that you dont want them near you. Ask to see the ward manager, kick up a fuss.
You have already paid for your care. Its not a charity.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/10/2016 13:21

No,don't discharge yourself.