To discharge myself from this horrible, torturous place?

[MaisieJ]

I am in hospital following an elective knee replacement. When I got back onto the ward the pain was pretty bad and I'd been told to buzz for painkillers so I did. auxiliary came in and said she'd let the nurse know. 30 minutes later no sign of nurse and pain is worse so I press buzzer again. Brash auxiliary came in and turned off the buzzer saying "I've already told her, constantly pressing your buzzer won't make her come any quicker!" 😲
At this point I also needed a wee but thanks to her attitude I didn't feel like I could ask her so thought I'd hold on for the nurse. 30 minutes later I'm busting to go so reluctantly pressed the buzzer. Same woman comes stomping back in 10 minutes later and snaps "is this about painkillers again?!" So I said no, I needed a bed pan. So off she strops, comes back in 10 minutes later and tries to drag me onto this horrible disgusting bedpan. Baring in mind I'd had no pain relief yet. I cried out and told her I couldn't do it so she said she'd go get help. 10 minutes later, no sign of her and I ended up pissing the bed. Mortified and I tears I tried to wipe myself best I could. Next minute she's back with another auxiliary, they fling my covers back rattling on about "getting on the bedpan" and realise my bed is soaked. The big horrible woman says loudly "you've already done it!!! Are you normally incontinent because if not, you shouldn't be incontinent in hospital either!" Basically making out that I'd done it on purpose.

Cut long story short they changed my sheets and I ended up drifting off to sleep. A while later I woke up, horrible taste in my mouth, I groggily reach for my glass of water and end up knocking it all over my bed. I called dh in tears saying my bed was wet and the auxiliaries were going to go ape at me. He insisted I press my buzzer and said he was making a complaint. I tried to clean it up myself but another patient saw and pressed her buzzer. Next minute I hear one of the auxiliaries say "she's gone and chucked water all over her bed now, well she can stay like that until I've finished with meals."

I eventually got clean sheets but I feel horrible. The auxiliaries have said stuff to the other women in the room like "when certain patients constantly demand attention it takes care away from those that genuinely need it". Now the other women in the room have started being funny with me too.
This morning I was woken up by a clattering trolley. Auxiliary said "what do you want for breakfast?". I said "I'll have a cup of coffee please" to which she rolled her eyes and snapped "im doing cereals! Not drinks! " I then heard her say to a student nurse "I swear I can't be doing with another day of her!"

What have I done???? I just want to go home whether I'm ready or not. DH is coming later so I'm considering asking him to just take me home with him. Bollocks to infection

OP, I'm going to assume this isn't a reverse on the basis of the recent thread on buzzer-pressing in hospital, and that it's real.

My best advice is to get someone there who can act as an advocate for you. Could be a partner, relative, or a good stern face. You are very vulnerable when you've just had surgery, and you need someone who isn't just coming round from a general anaesthetic and in pain to set out your case to the ward manager and get PALs involved.

That's not on at all!
When I was in hospital last I had a few horrible nurses, demanding I needed to get up to have to use the toilet sooner or later. I was having back spasms that made me pass out and I couldn't so much as lift my head up without triggering one. I have no idea what I would've done without my amazing MIL.
Once on the wards nurses were so much better. One old lady in the room was constantly buzzing, losing her buzzer, shouting for help to find said lost buzzer which was on the side table etc. And not once did they say anything nasty to her or make any comments that I heard. They did tell her that the buzzer was for when she needed help and try not to press it so much. But they always came, and always helped her quickly regardless of what it was.

I was in bed using a bedpan for days, in agony each and every bloody time. The nurses would come in and give me oral morphine and then come back on the next buzzer with a bedpan... it was our little routine. If I woke up desperate they were very sympathetic as I struggled.
I always thanked them and was very grateful, they insisted they were just doing their jobs and they were all wonderful. A few night staff that were a bit dopey, but still perfectly pleasant.

Always remember OP, you as a patient should be treated with respect and dignity. Respect and dignity. I think, going on your post, you have been treated with neither.

Make this phrase your keystone to your complaint: Respect and dignity.

Then remain in hospital to get the service you deserve. Good luck in your recovery

I had two knee replacement ops last year, one in May the other October.
The pain is evil!
I would suggest that the OP does not discharge herself as the Physio aspect is very, very important I was not allowed home until I could go up and down stairs with crutches.
I don't know if the Op had her surgery by spinal block or a GA, the spinal block really affects your ability to control your bladder, so with my experience of countless wet beds (after the first op) I asked for a bed pan at regular intervals after the second.

I was very lucky and had wonderful care in a private hospital funded by the NHS, as my surgery was getting urgent.
Do complain to PALS Op let your DH do it on your behalf, you are too fragile at the moment.
The wet bed comment was very insensitive if you had a spinal block.
I hope you recover well OP, my new knees have made such a difference to my life. I hope yours will

I found putting a complaint (naming the hospital) on Twitter got a very quick reaction from pals. It may be worth a try.

Wow your experience sounds horrid, i feel for you so much, I hope you get better soon, and once you have left write it off in your mind, because you have done nothing wrong by any stretch of the imagination. Its disgusting they made you feel that way about needing the toilet! How awful you poor dear xxx

So sorry you are going through this.

When i was in hospital after giving birth 6 weeks ago, although the nurses throughout the day were beyond amazibg and tried their best to keep checking in while i was havibg contractions, those during the night after having DD were nowhere near as nice.

I was in hospital this time last year. Had an emergency gallbladder removal, but it went wrong and left me with bile leaks and I actually nearly died at one stage (funnily enough, while they were trying to discharged me. They wouldn't believe I was in as much pain as I said I was, insisted I was just seeking painkillers. Husband point blank refused to take me home..I was grey!! Eventually got a second opinion and within minutes I was down having more surgery. Was then told if I had gone a few more hours like that I would have died.)

The day nurse was horrible. The night nurse was absolutely amazing. Day nurse refused to give me painkillers..at one stage told me that the IV morphine I was on (consultants decision due to amount of pain) was exactly the same as taking 2 30mg codeine tablets and that she didn't want to 'mess about' although I was already hooked up to the drip anyway and pretty much threw codeine at me, which had no effect. She then told me that because I was managing to go to the loo on my own (I did this once, as she ignored the buzzer..I literally had to unhook my IV myself and crawl to my bathroom) I no longer needed morphine. Luckily that wasn't her decision to make and the head doctor guy went down her neck about it. When the night nurse came on I told her everything in tears and she reported it. My day nurse was changed and everything was fine from then on. Some of them really should not work in healthcare. They seem to have no empathy at all.

I was on a ward like that after my gall bladder op, attitude problems from the nursing assistants upwards. I did wonder if it was where they spent all the unpleasant staff members so nobody else had to work with them! I was moved to another ward after 2 days, it was like another world.

Ask to speak to the ward manager, and if this doesn't happen get your husband to chase it up. Hospitals have to ensure patient dignity, and management should be concerned to hear this kind of thing is going on.

This is awful, you need to complain to the Nurse in charge. I understand the NHS is under enormous pressure and not enugh staff etc but this kind of behaviour from the HCA is appalling. I work in a health care setting and nasty comments about patients are often said out of earshot of the patients and that is bad enough let alone being said directly to you. I was unfortunate enough to spend a day in my local hospital recently and although no-one was rude, the care was appalling with people in agony spending ages waiting for pain relief.

When one has had a knee replacement, you are not allowed out of bed until you have had an xray to check that everything is correctly in place.
As previous people have said, you must do the exercises, in particular a straight leg raise, which is extremely difficult to do when having had a knee replacement. And it is considered that until you are able to do it, you haven't got full control of your leg.You also have to be shown by the physio how to go up and down stairs.
The pain after is known to be particularly bad in this operation, pain relief must be given on time.I think your treatment has been absolutely appalling, do report it and ask to speak to whoever is in charge of the ward. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Write to your local MP and complain. Believe me there is nothing that makes a hospital sit up and take notice then when they get an MP inquiring what they have to say in response to the complaint received! Generally the hospital is given 7 days to reply.

If you were immediately post op where was the nurse who was supposed to be doing your obs and checking your wound site? Please don't let this bitch get away with her appalling treatment. We don't have Auxilliary (nurses?) over here, but there must be some type of regulation authority for them, if they are some type of nurse aide. I would try to find this out and then complain to them as well.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP. Please complain, or allow your DH to complain for you.

For comparison purposes, I was in a four bed NHS bay following hip replacement, with three knee replacements for company. One my third day I got told off by a nurse for what's she considered a wrong use of my buzzer, and she didn't listen at all to my reasons or apology. I burst into absolute floods for all sorts of reasons. Next staff who came round had meds, tissues, sympathy in buckets, said she would raise it with the nurse, was fine when I said I'd rather she didn't just then, checked in in me later on and the next day to see if anything similar had occurred, and when I left told me she would raise it with the nurse afternoon I'd gone to make sure it wouldn't happen again to someone else. They were very clear that it was totally unacceptable, and it was nowhere near as horrid as what you've been dealing with.

My sympathies to you. The pain gets better, it all gets better, but in the meantime get all th meds you can, ask for diazepam for the spasms and if they refuse ask for a doctor to see you. In my experience, spasms are underrated by ward staff and you have to be very persistent to get effective relief for them even if a consultant has written you up for diazepam due to history of spasm. Ice packs on your wound may be more helpful than you expect as well.

Good luck.

Ozyman, that's just not true at all. They had the three in with me up and out of bed the day of surgery, same as for hip. X-rays happened on day two or three, well after we were up and about for toilet trips.

How are things now, OP?

Don't talk to the HCAs yourself unless you have to - I've worked with some shitheads in my time and some people shouldn't be allowed near the care profession.

Pain relief should be managed properly so that you are getting a prolonged release tablet regularly and then a fast acting tablet for breakthrough pain. Sometimes it's called OxyContin/oxynorm or short-tec/long-tec but there are other morphine derivatives, oramoprh etc that you could be prescribed. The long ones usually get given at set times - like before a morning round - and would need two nurses to prescribe. Oramorph you can just get as and when depending on what's prescribed, it doesn't need two nurses now. Are a pain management team coming to see you daily?

Toilet wise , if you're still using bed pans - get them to administer it with the handle to the front, less spillage. Get them to place a flat pad under the pan to cover your bed, and maybe even see if they can give you a pad for day time for comfort. Try - as difficult as it is - to ask to the toilet on a regular basis (e.g. before meals), if I know someone has continence difficulties I try to offer a bed pan frequently as it helps . It's horrible after a spinal anaesthetic in particular (I had two for gynae surgery and I remember just being chucked a bed pan after the first, no instructions on its use, I was twenty and cried my eyes out).

Ask them to give you any sort of complaint card, but also ask to speak to the most senior member of staff possible (if in Scotland, navy blue nurse or her manager) . Make sure they know exactly what has happened and who said what and ask that it all gets documented. The staff in question need to be spoken to by their management and need to know that talk of patients in that manner has no place in a hospital at all.

We have all experienced the patient who buzzes frequently, but if it's pain killers, toilet, mobile phone, tv, another drink - you do it, you smile, you never complain. You prioritise yes, and if someone asks for a drink you could say - 'I'm just going to help someone else to the loo and I'll be with you', or whatever , but you don't stand and bloody whine about a patient.

I hope you're OK and have someone with you to stand up for you. It's horrible feeling sore and alone and vulnerable.

That's awful I hope you're ok OP. Chin up - try to have a discussion with the matron about your concerns and make a complaint!

Ozzie, Auxiliary is the old term for what are now known as Healthcare Assistants (HCAs).

OP definitely speak to the ward manager and then call PALS. If you go straight to the ombudsman they will pass you back to PALS as they must have investigated fully (and usually not to the patients satisfaction!) before the ombudsman gets involved. Your treatment has been disgraceful, and I say that as someone who used to work for PALS.

You poor poor thing. Appalling behaviour but I am not surprised. What does DH make of this?

Most my hospital care has been amazing.

Apart from the pre-labour ward which I was admitted on when my waters broke at 24 weeks. Might as well of just said they didn't believe me even after having a previous 30 weeker and a loss at 19 weeks.

I was right a cord prolapse resulted in an emergency section and my son dying. I gave birth at about 3pm. I had a very supportive thread on here actually.

Discharged myself 6am the next morning.

Their was no decent level of care or aftercare. Some nurses and midwives are just shite. I've had brilliant care in other departments and other hospitals.

Sorry you've been treated so horribly op

Her/their behaviour was completely unacceptable. That is disgraceful

Nobody should have to pay bloody privately, just so they can take a piss when they need one and be given painkillers that they clearly need.

If you can't bear to deal with it, please ask your DH to do it for you.

Have all the posts that have been less than supportive of the OP been deleted?

I know exactly how you're feeling and in answer to other replies I was private and still had a horrendous time.

Earlier this year I had a major stomach op, when I was returned to my private room, I had wires and tubes everywhere and was on morphine.

When I was admitted my bedside light wasn't working (still not working when I was discharged 6 days later!). So I was left alone in a pitch black room in a terrible state.

At around 2 am my catheter failed and I was in a very large puddle ... it took 45 mins for anyone to answer my buzzer. A few nights later I needed the bed pan which came quickly but I was left on it for over an hour!!

The final straw was I have a very severe allergy to shellfish, which I obviously make everyone aware of ... the day following surgery, I was still on morphine and had asked for an egg sandwich ... however a prawn sandwich came instead .. if I hadn't had a visitor at the time who realised what had happened, I'd have eaten it!

I was also threatening to discharge myself

You poor thing..

Please complain. It will help you, it will help other patients, it might even help the HCAs because they may not realise the impact they are having, and they may be under too much stress. But their behaviour needs to be addressed, as does their supervision. Get DH to help you write your complaint calmly but attach the start if this thread..

Pl don't discharge yourself ... unless you've been through it all before and know precisely what to do. I've got the knee T shirt and if you don't get it right it's painful for years afterwards.

Did someone really say "suck it up or go private"?? Maybe that poster is one of the staff on that ward.

It sounds utterly horrible OP. Definitely complain. You poor thing

I am sorry you were treated so poorly.

I am a HCA/NA and if I witnessed that behaviour I would report my colleagues myself