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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving an 11yo alone for a few hours is ok

208 replies

TalkofSummertime · 30/10/2016 10:22

I'm no fan of Michael Gove but I think he's getting too much of a bashing- apparently he left his son in a hotel room for 6 hours one evening with takeaway, access to soft drinks at the bar etc. The porters knew he was there.

Personally I think leaving a mature secondary child alone is quite unremarkable. Let's face it, it's different from when they were three or whatever.

I was from a stable, affectionate family and was left at home for a few hours the odd time from the age of 7 (IRRC). I stayed home alone for a few days aged 14 (my parents had accidentally booked a surprise holiday for the same date as my music exam).

I think our society infantilizes older children far too much, and this is just the press making a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:
FluffyPineapple · 30/10/2016 20:12

Not a Gove fan but I have to say I used to babysit at the age of 11. Albeit my mum was just down the road if I needed her. Not once did I need to call mum.

I am sure most 11 year olds are capable of feeding themselves (especially when ordering from room service), watch TV, play with their phones (and chat to their mates via social media. Are there any 11 year olds who can take their noses out of their phone these days??) and then get themselves into bed at a reasonable time. Another non-issue I think. A completely different scenario to someone leaving 3 under 5's alone.

ego147 · 30/10/2016 20:19

I'm surprised that neither parent tried to contact him / the hotel to tell him not to worry, that they'd be back later and to get himself off the phone and into bed. Maybe they did?

I wonder what communication did happen? I don't think he was in any danger at all, he was in a safe place (for someone his age) - but I am sure he would have liked to know when his parents would be home.

Redsrule · 30/10/2016 20:20

Regardless of where the child was left any parents who return home 4 hour late; in the middle of the night; quite probably not sober, are not prioritising their child's feelings. If the child is stuck in an hotel room, with dogs who would need to go out, in an unfamiliar town, they are probably not going to enjoy the night. A responsible child, as any 11 year old left that long must be, would be panicking about the dogs messing on the room's floor and would be concerned about his parent being so late. At the very least it is unkind.
If it was hotel staff who leaked the story perhaps it is because 'people in glass houses...'.

CotswoldStrife · 30/10/2016 20:50

FFS, now the Torygraph (Telegraph) has linked to this thread.

ForalltheSaints · 30/10/2016 21:55

Should this have been made public? It cannot be easy being a child of Michael Gove, even if as a dad he is not the unpleasant person we see in public.

hedgehogsarecoming · 30/10/2016 21:59

I have an 11 year old dd only leave her for max 2 hours but I'm the day time never at night time

eyebrowsonfleek · 30/10/2016 23:07

Just read that they told the child that they would be back at 9:30pm but returned at 1:30am!! They claim that the problem was lack of phone reception (party was in basement of building) but surely one of them would have realised?
As if being Michael Gove's kid wasn't tough enough...

TiredBefuddledRose · 31/10/2016 08:10

He could have stuck the cost of a babysitter on his already quite extraordinary expenses.

llangennith · 31/10/2016 08:16

Yes I would've left him too in the same circumstances. If you've raised your child to be independent then he'll be fine. If you've babied him his whole life then maybe not.

TrumpsFluffyHair · 31/10/2016 08:21

If you've raised him not to expect you back when you say you will he'll be fine...........

corythatwas · 31/10/2016 08:24

Forall, the way it works is that politicians get judged if they are seen to be in any way hypocritical. Which is why Diane Abbott got a lot of bad press for sending her children to private school while nobody cared that her Tory peers did the same thing- they weren't Labour MPs preaching about equality in education. And why such a big deal was made of Tory politicians with an interesting private life in the 80s and early 90s- it was because they canvassed on Family Values. A top Swedish politician nearly had her career ruined over one bar of chocolate paid out of public funds: would never have happened if this particular lady hadn't had the election slogan of "It is cool to pay taxes".

Rightly or wrongly, Michael Gove is perceived as someone who blames parents (and teachers) for the failings of modern education. So he needs to be squeaky clean as a parent.

corythatwas · 31/10/2016 08:27

llangennith Mon 31-Oct-16 08:16:56
"Yes I would've left him too in the same circumstances. If you've raised your child to be independent then he'll be fine. If you've babied him his whole life then maybe not."

Does this mean you are happy with your partner telling you he will be home for dinner and then sloping in at midnight because he's been to a party? Independent? I call it bloody rude.

I have raised my children to be independent. That includes knowing that if I am badly late, an accident will have happened and they need to work out where to go from there. You know, like an adult would...

DonaldStott · 31/10/2016 08:33

I personally would not leave my child in a hotel for that length of time. But I found it hilarious the way the mirror reported the story throughout the day. The first report was 'gove leaves child alone in hotel.' By 10pm, the report said 'Gove leaves 11yo in b&b, whilst he dances to rape song.' Which was Blurred Lines btw.

Yuckky · 31/10/2016 08:52

Not a fan of Gove but I don't see a problem in principal. Im not sure what the exact facts are though and I'm not sure what's reported is accurate iyswim
6 hours in a small hotel if you are contactable is fatally not an issue but if The parents were not contactable at all and were 4 hours late then that's not so good.

FunkinEll · 31/10/2016 08:55

I don't have an 11 year old yet but want to know why an hour at home is so bad?!

Assuming and hour out of the home is not?

MuseumOfCurry · 31/10/2016 09:20

I've just read the article in the Telegraph. Gove really doesn't have any friends anymore, does he?

His silly coup attempt will haunt him to his grave.

Yakitori · 31/10/2016 09:28

I don't see a problem with leaving the child if he was happy to be late.

The parents being vastly late and not contactable at 1.30am is fucking shit though and should never happen unless there was a serious emergency. Poor kid must have been worried out of his mind when his parents hadn't returned. What on earth were they thinking? It only confirms to be that they are absolutely the massive twats that I believed them to be.

Still, it gives the lad a fine excuse for teenage rebellion. If parents can't be trusted to return on time, why should he?

Yakitori · 31/10/2016 09:29

"happy to be left"

Elendon · 31/10/2016 12:30

Apparently Gove wants to be on Strictly. I bet he's well jealous of Ed Balls (who is so entertaining).

enolagayits0815 · 31/10/2016 12:55

I asked my 11 year, their view is that Michael Gove is a stupid man who is a selfish idiot to put going dancing before his son when it means leaving him alone in a hotel rather than at home with a babysitter. I can't disagree with that.

Lweji · 31/10/2016 13:39

My son would be meh about it. :)

Yakitori · 31/10/2016 13:55

Apparently Gove wants to be on Strictly.

Oh God. I can just see it.

RaptorInaWitchesHat · 31/10/2016 14:33

I wouldn't have done it personally.

I used to leave DD home alone at that age for a few hours (work - 5 minutes away) in the daytime, but not in an unfamiliar setting at night.

Having said that, at least he didn't forget his child in a pub Halloween Wink

ForalltheSaints · 31/10/2016 18:37

Elendon there are enough programmes in the 80s and 90s of Michael Gove looking an idiot without another one. The greatest possible pleasure of the 2020 General Election would be if he lost his seat.

Dontpanicpyke · 31/10/2016 18:44

The way it works people is that middle class parents and those with fame and fortune can get away with things regarding children that would see a single mum of 3 on a council estate vilified and reported to SS.

From getting pissed while a child is left in a hotel without a nanny to having a meal abroad while toddlers are left in a room our of view in a sea side resort.

One rule for one and one for others.