to think leaving an 11yo alone for a few hours is ok

[TalkofSummertime]

I'm no fan of Michael Gove but I think he's getting too much of a bashing- apparently he left his son in a hotel room for 6 hours one evening with takeaway, access to soft drinks at the bar etc. The porters knew he was there.

Personally I think leaving a mature secondary child alone is quite unremarkable. Let's face it, it's different from when they were three or whatever.

I was from a stable, affectionate family and was left at home for a few hours the odd time from the age of 7 (IRRC). I stayed home alone for a few days aged 14 (my parents had accidentally booked a surprise holiday for the same date as my music exam).

I think our society infantilizes older children far too much, and this is just the press making a mountain out of a molehill.

The issue isn't the 11yo being left IMO, when I was 11 I was left at home alone for school hours for a few weeks each year as I'd started a private secondary with longer holidays than my younger siblings. But in an unfamiliar environment is another matter, and to turn up 4 hours late with no warning is just awful.

Nobody is mature enough to deal with somebody promising to be home at a particular time and then being 4 hours late! Mumsnet is full of threads from adult women on the subject.

2 hours if the child is happy with it is absolutely fine.

6 hours is far too long. Not more so than in a strange place.
Yes hotel staff might know he's there, but. The responsibility should not be put on them. If they wanted to look after children. They'd have gone into childcare. Also supposing he goes out of the hotel

"Also supposing he goes out of the hotel"

Why on earth would he do that?

Wow, no it's not ok.

Even if it was a planned 6h away, it's not ok.

2h, yes. 3h, ok. 4h, possibly but as an 11yo who was a "latchkey kid" that would be pushing it. More than that, no.

Better at home - but still no more than 4h. And being uncontactable is really shit too - I'd have been in a flat panic after they were 1.5h late and I wasn't able to get hold of them.

Poor kid.

I would happily leave my 11 year old. He's more sensible than some adults I know.

He may leave the hotel to walk the two dogs he was allegedly looking after. The story is in both the Mail and the Mirror, and Rachel Johnson has confirmed she was with them until the early hours of the morning.

No, I wouldn't leave an 11 year old alone in a hotel room for 6 hours (even if they had dogs with them). I await the next instalment which will be to wheel the poor boy in front of the cameras to say it was all fine really ...

No. I wouldn't leave my 11 year old in an hotel room for 6 hours either.

Being 4 hours late without notice would certainly have been considered unacceptable when I was a child in the 60s. As a parent I wouldn't accept that from one of my teens today either. Absolutely do not see why an 11 in an unfamiliar environment should have to accept that from their dad?

At age 11, I was a pretty competent and independent youngster who could be trusted to take the boat out on my own for the day or stay at home preparing a late night supper for when the rest of the family had an evening out. But my parents being 4 hours late in the evening without letting me know would have had me shitting myself, because I would assume something horrible had happened: I would know they would never be that rude deliberately.

mushypeas have you have an 11 year old?

It's the turning up late that's the big issue for me.

I'd leave DC in a hotel room for a couple of hours no issues. 6 probably too long for me but mostly cos after that time they'd have devoured everything appropriate in the mini bar and it'd have been cheaper to get a sitter.

If Michael Gove was my father, 6 hours wouldn't be long enough

Hm. Mixed views on this one then.

I can only imagine how scathing Michael Gove and Sarah Vine might be about the parenting skills of any other couple with less Tory entitlement if they were reported on in the media for fucking off out for the night to get pissed with their mates, while leaving their 11yo alone in a strange place.

Twats.

I'm sure it's been said but it's different to leave your kid at home alone than alone in a hotel/BnB where they are found by night staff looking for the parents (risks of various kinds involved in public places + risk of locking themselves out of the room etc)

If they'd gone out for 2 hours, like they apparently said they would, that would have been ok.

Going out and being 4 hours late back with no contact and being uncontactable is terrible. If my husband was four hours late back from something and I couldn't contact him, I would be frantic. Doing that to an 11 year old? Definately not ok. When I was 15/16 or so my parents went out leaving me at home alone and were an hour late (no mobiles in those days!) I was very very worried there had been an accident- I can still remember that worry.

They seem to care more about not leaving their dogs alone than leaving their child, which is very sad.

And finally, I wonder where they had left their 13 year old...

I saw it on the msn news app, if that's relevant. Can't link as I'm on mobile.

I kind of agree about being late and supposedly uncontactable. But maybe the hotel couldn't get through as it would come up as an unfamiliar number? Well none of us were there, so who knows really.

It's on the BBC news website too

To the person asking why on earth the 11yo would go out the hotel?

When I was 12yo I had to catch a bus to Lyons. Got a bus to London on my own and was under strict instructions not to leave Victoria bus station. I was meant to wait from 10 am to 7pm in the bus station. Of course I dumped my bag in left luggage and found the tube and had a fab day trailing round central London. My mother was horrified when I told her!

So if he got bored he might have gone out exploring.

I started leaving dd home alone all day in the holidays when she was 11yo and I had to go to work. Her childminder stopped childminding just as dd finished primary school. Dd was under strict instructions not to leave the house, she did most days to go and meet friends, roam round the village, etc. You can't guarantee even the most sensible kid will do as they're told.

I don't think I would have done what Gove did. But can't get worked up about it either. It's not terrible. He obviously felt it was right for them.

My 11 year old frequently goes off to the park for the day with friends, comes in for lunch and goes out again. A hotel room is a damn sight safer than the park!

Can you imagine the uproar in the press if an 11 year old was left alone in a hotel whilst this had happened?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-37812333

HandInGove Sun 30-Oct-16 15:55:45
"I can only imagine how scathing Michael Gove and Sarah Vine might be about the parenting skills of any other couple with less Tory entitlement if they were reported on in the media for fucking off out for the night to get pissed with their mates, while leaving their 11yo alone in a strange place."

Ah, but if you're going to a Literary Festival, it's different, you see...

And anyway how did the press get hold of this news? Obviously via the hotel!

Are Gove and Vine on the lash?

I think it's totally dependant on your child who you know best I think my Dd is responsible enough to leave for that amount of time however she would probably not be happy with it and the other day I was out running errands food shop etc and left her as she asked as had a lot of homework to do and after 2 1/2 hours she rang me asking how much longer I would be !!

Well 11 year olds are adventurous and curious, aren't they. Bertrand

Anyway what I was really asking was whether or not leaving a child alone is ok. Coming back late is a different matter.

I think a hotel room is perfectly safe! Bus stations which most kids pass through daily are far more dangerous IMO, full of thieves and drug addicts.