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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving an 11yo alone for a few hours is ok

208 replies

TalkofSummertime · 30/10/2016 10:22

I'm no fan of Michael Gove but I think he's getting too much of a bashing- apparently he left his son in a hotel room for 6 hours one evening with takeaway, access to soft drinks at the bar etc. The porters knew he was there.

Personally I think leaving a mature secondary child alone is quite unremarkable. Let's face it, it's different from when they were three or whatever.

I was from a stable, affectionate family and was left at home for a few hours the odd time from the age of 7 (IRRC). I stayed home alone for a few days aged 14 (my parents had accidentally booked a surprise holiday for the same date as my music exam).

I think our society infantilizes older children far too much, and this is just the press making a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:
Purplebluebird · 30/10/2016 12:48

Whilst I would say it depends on the child, I would think most 11 year olds would be fine for a few hours on their own. In the daytime. I'd say 3 hours max max, not any longer than that. I would not leave my child for 6 hours in a hotel room.

Elendon · 30/10/2016 12:48

Not all children live in a house with stairs Bertrand.

Natsku · 30/10/2016 12:48

Leaving an 11 for six hours (hotel or home) is fine IF they know its going to be six hours as this boy clearly didn't. They should have called him when they realised they were going to be late. But generally speaking I see nothing wrong with leaving an 11 year old alone for several hours, they ought to be quite independent and capable by that age.

DiegeticMuch · 30/10/2016 12:49

The lack of punctuality is problematic - the son must've been very anxious. One of them should have popped back at 9.30 and then returned to the party, or at least gone outside and found a phone signal so that the son could be kept in the loop. It's fine to leave 11y olds alone but you need to keep in touch, and to update them when plans change.

HedgehogHedgehog · 30/10/2016 12:50

I was left alone in hotels at 11 for a few hours... not sure about 6 hours tho, that does seem a long time. However i sometimes had my own hotel room so does that count as being 'left' as they were in a seperate room overnight?.... i suppose they were in the same building so maybe not.
I thought lots of the more expensive hotels had babysitting services you could use?

Benedikte2 · 30/10/2016 12:55

In NZ it's against the law to leave a child under the age of 14 alone or in charge of younger children as this is deemed to be the minimum age of appropriate responsibity.
In this country people coming into contact with children in schools etc must be CRB checked. Hotel staff and random visitors are not checked.
Most of the guests were presumably out at the same awards ceremony so if anyone had attacked the child in his room he would be vulnerable and unable to summon help.
I can't imagine the Goves are too financially strapped to afford a babysitter and they have staff who could have found a suitable sitter or an agency
Being left in a strange environment cannot be equated with being left alone for a few hours at home during the daytime.
How can the child trust his parents if they do not keep their word

Icapturethecast1e · 30/10/2016 12:56

Maybe they should have booked a less expensive b&b & offered to pay a bit extra for someone to keep an eye on their son. They definatly should have informed the staff & their son that they were coming back later than they said.

Elendon · 30/10/2016 12:56

The one thing about WW2 that horrified me as a child was that children were sent away from their family to be looked after by complete strangers. Sure most of the children survived!

JeanGenie23 · 30/10/2016 13:00

I just don't think this shows any regard for his own child, he put his needs before his sons and just assumed he would be ok, but he wasn't, he was worried and alone. It's so neglectful. I know many posters have commented how they have left for similar amounts of time but I'm sure your child was aware and you were contactable.

This just shows this man has no intention of looking after anyone else but himself, what a fantastic quality of the man who is in charge of our schools!

hotdiggedy · 30/10/2016 13:05

While I wouldn't be keen on leaving an 11 year alone in a hotel room for any length of time (like that's ever going to happen to the likes of me anyway!), what do you think parents do with children in Year 7 or 8 when the parent is out at work all day, so potentially between the hours of 8 till 6 or there abouts. What if they have no family nearby?

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 13:19

"This just shows this man has no intention of looking after anyone else but himself, what a fantastic quality of the man who is in charge of our schools!"

Good thing he isn't, then!

Elendon · 30/10/2016 13:35

This is his legacy as an education secretary.

www.theguardian.com/education/2014/jul/22/michael-gove-legacy-education-secretary

Not a legacy I would be proud of.

Witchend · 30/10/2016 13:44

I am totally confident that all three of my dc at 11yo (and ds currently at 9yo) would have much rather stayed comfortably in the hotel room for 6 hours. They would have drank all the soft drinks in the bar, ordered room service food and watched TV/played on the tablet and generally had a wonderful (if expensive) time.
The hotel staff weren't being expected to baby sit.

Saying "oh they're on their own" I bet that they had a mobile phone, he had a mobile phone, and if they'd needed him they could have called it and he would have responded.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 30/10/2016 13:48

Saying you'll be back by half nine then rolling back at half one is shit, full stop. Doing it to an eleven year old and being incommunicado (no signal, my arse) is appalling.

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 30/10/2016 13:52

Working parents frequently have no choice but to leave 11 year olds alone for a few hours. It is the venue that bothers me. An 11 year old who is sensible in their own home is entirely different to leaving an 11 year old in a hotel. I don't find that appropriate at all.

I totally agree with this. A hotel is very different to your own home.

Also if you are leaving them they should always have someone close by they can go to for help and should always be able to call you or another family member. You should also always tell them when you will be home and stick to it.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 30/10/2016 13:55

Really can't believe that any sane person thinks that this is acceptable. My DS was very mature at 11 but we would never have dreamt have leaving him this long at night. Personally I think that the poor boy's parents should be prosecuted.

madcatwoman61 · 30/10/2016 13:56

Having grown up in the Dark Ages before mobile phones, I can remember going on the train on my own at that age to a holiday camp in North Yorkshire, being met at the station, and then travelling on my own afterwards on the train to North Wales to meet up with the rest of the family - all train times and connections written out for me by my Dad, with the instruction to ask a porter (remember them) if I was unsure. As far as I was concerned this was normal. However there was a plan, I think I would have been unnerved if my parents had turned up 4 hours later than promised.

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 13:58

"Really can't believe that any sane person thinks that this is acceptable"

Nobody thinks being 4 hours late is acceptable. And that is the point, surely.

rainbowstardrops · 30/10/2016 14:00

If a sitter was looking after the child and the parents then rolled in at 1.30am instead of 9.30pm without any communication then that would be pretty shitty but it happens.

Rolling in four hours late with no communication when it's just an eleven year old on their own is absolutely not on.

I'm just imagining my eleven year old in a hotel room all alone and suddenly a fire alarm going off. She'd shit herself.
An absolute no from me.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 30/10/2016 14:01

I also would like to add what psychological damage do they think that they would have done to their son by lying to him about the time that they were due to return?

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 30/10/2016 14:05

"Nobody thinks that this is acceptable "

The OP obviously does!

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 14:08

No. The OP thinks leaving an 11 year old alone in a hotel room is fine. Which it obviously is, so long as the child is happy with it.

What the Goves did wrong was to be 4 hours late without making contact.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 30/10/2016 14:24

Bertrand.
IMHO I don't think leaving an 11 year old in a hotel room for over an hour IS acceptable, even if the child is happy with it!

Pseudonym99 · 30/10/2016 15:08

Is there a link to this story? Daily Mail by any chance? Why do people post things without a link?

WeAllHaveWings · 30/10/2016 15:22

Leaving an 11 year old alone in a hotel with the hotel staff reluctantly knowing he was there (but not agreeing to childmind) on the understanding you would be back in a couple of hours, and then going AWOL till 1:30am is deplorable.

The poor child is obviously not mature enough to cope with this, if he was he wouldn't have been found wandering the corridors by the night porter asking where his parents were.

Worth pointing out that the hotel is fairly exclusive, and not too large. I expect it was block booked for guests of Cheltenham Literature Festival.

Hmm because children don't get worried in exclusive hotels, and exclusive hotels don't have fire alarms and heaven only knows what the other guests being book readers has got to do with anything!!