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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving an 11yo alone for a few hours is ok

208 replies

TalkofSummertime · 30/10/2016 10:22

I'm no fan of Michael Gove but I think he's getting too much of a bashing- apparently he left his son in a hotel room for 6 hours one evening with takeaway, access to soft drinks at the bar etc. The porters knew he was there.

Personally I think leaving a mature secondary child alone is quite unremarkable. Let's face it, it's different from when they were three or whatever.

I was from a stable, affectionate family and was left at home for a few hours the odd time from the age of 7 (IRRC). I stayed home alone for a few days aged 14 (my parents had accidentally booked a surprise holiday for the same date as my music exam).

I think our society infantilizes older children far too much, and this is just the press making a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:
eyebrowsonfleek · 30/10/2016 11:45

A few hours is fine for a NT child but 6 hours is very long even if the child had the Internet, laptop etc.

wibblewobble8 · 30/10/2016 11:46

Is this a generational thing then, everyone expects everyone to be contactable 24/7?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/10/2016 11:48

My 10yr old dd would probably be ok to leave at home for an afternoon. We did do this while we were next door (at a gentle afternoon party) but we popped back every hour and I could see the front door from next door's lounge. She chose this option.
I wouldn't leave her alone in a hotel room for 6 hours.
I would come back if she were distressed.

MrsGwyn · 30/10/2016 11:50

it's the being uncontactable and 4 hours late.

That bit I really don't get.

If you had no mobile signal wouldn't one of you pop back early or on time to check on the boy or step out of the hotel to get a signal or ring from one hotel desk to another to let the child know you are going to be late and check okay with that.

I personally wouldn't do the hotel room part but I can see other parents are happy to do.

EleanorRigby123 · 30/10/2016 11:50

I think this is a bit marginal. I would leave some 11 year olds alone for a few hours, but not others. Depends on the child. Child would need a clear plan as to what they should do of they are worried/frightened.
But I would be less confident about doing so in a hotel - full of strangers, and where staff - who an 11 year old may think have some kind of authority over them - have not been vetted to determine whether they are a risk to young children.
But in the great scheme of things it probably presents less of a risk than a bus or tube ride across a city which most 11 year olds do on a daily basis.

Elendon · 30/10/2016 11:51

No, never. I think being left on their own for 6 hours, which is not a few hours at all, at 11 is not on. If popping down to the shops, then yes, it gives them responsibility. With an older, responsible sibling, then yes, but only for about three hours max (about the length of a film and an hour of internet).

Cisoff · 30/10/2016 11:52

I don't think I've left my 11 year old for 6 hours, but a few hours? Yes. Always contactable.

cardibach · 30/10/2016 11:52

Not necessarily 24/7 wibble, but certainly during the 4hours after they were due back, or actually anytime they've left their child in the care of someone else.

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 11:54

I don't see the problem with leaving in the hotel, so long as the child was happy to be left. . I do see a problem with the being 4 hours late without telling said child.

Elendon · 30/10/2016 11:54

And in a hotel and not being contactable is disgraceful. Can you imagine if Hilary Clinton did this?

smellylittleorange · 30/10/2016 11:54

wibblewobble it would be for the son, he has grown up in a world where he sees that he should be able to contact his parents when he needs them - so for that I think Mr Gove and partner deserve the criticism - not coming back in time, not contacting and not being contactable. The leaving on own thing for short periods of time fine imo, longer during the day as at night things get a bit scary for kids and no that is not me infantalising btw

Owlytellsmesecrets · 30/10/2016 11:55

Aged 11 I would I would babysit my nephews aged 3 and 18 months !

enolagayits0815 · 30/10/2016 11:55

6 hours in a hotel ? No way. He didn't have to go to the awards dinner, but if he really wanted to then he should have organised a baby sitter or for his son to stay overnight with family. Tosser.

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 11:56

Every weekend it seems there are women on mumsnet panicking because their partners are an hour late from the pub.........

BertrandRussell · 30/10/2016 11:57

Is this another mumsnet thing I don't get? Why the particular horror at it being an hotel?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/10/2016 11:58

Given they are people in the public eye and therefore less likely to get away with marginal judgement calls it does seem surprising that they did this. That seems to be lacking in judgment in a more surprising way.

MrsGwyn · 30/10/2016 12:00

Is this a generational thing then, everyone expects everyone to be contactable 24/7?

You wouldn't worry if someone was four hours later than they said they would be?

I do now eldest has phone at 11 to be told if she is very late back - or running late it's why she has the mobile phone and I tell her if I'm going to be late back with her siblings so she doesn't worry. Text takes seconds.

Pretty much all her 11 year old friend have mobiles for similar reasons - so I do think technology has made contact in such circumstance more common.

Having said that pre - mobile days my parents would have found a phone box - they did that to avoid GP worrying.

smellylittleorange · 30/10/2016 12:00

Exactly enolagay I would be amazed if he couldn't afford to put his hand in his pocket.

That1950sMum · 30/10/2016 12:02

My "horror" (slightly over dramatic word! ) at is being at a hotel is that it an unfamiliar place in which the only adults are strangers.

I don't think for one minute that any harm would come to the child but it an extremely long time to be left if he became worried or scared about being alone.

Certainly not something I would expect my 11 year old to have to do. As others have said, if Gove wanted to attend this function he should have arranged appropriate child care.

green18 · 30/10/2016 12:03

I think 6 hours is a long time to be cooped up in one room.3 hours maybe.

user1471545174 · 30/10/2016 12:03

YANBU OP, I was babysitting (not siblings) at 13. If the child is sensible and can make contact with parents (which they couldn't, back in the day) then I don't see a real problem. Hotel would only need normal level of guest oversight, not to be babysitters, as an 11 year old is not a baby.

Orangetoffee · 30/10/2016 12:04

I don't see a problem with leaving an 11 year old in a hotel room for that time. However not telling him they were going to be late back is the problem here. Is it really that hard to nip out for a quick call. Even before mobile phones people managed to do this.

jamdonut · 30/10/2016 12:05

I'm no fan of Gove, but I don't think this is really awful.

I think it depends on the individual child. They were wrong to be later than they said without having sent some sort of message, but most 11 year olds could look after themselves for that amount of time.

I was left alone at that age, if I was off sick from school, for instance,(for about 5 hours) till my mum came home from work, and I've done the same with my own children, making sure they have plenty of contingency plans/telephone numbers etc,etc. They usually just sat watching TV,videos or playing computer games. Time passes quickly that way.

But if you know your child is an anxious type, or badly behaved, then you probably wouldn't do it.

Elendon · 30/10/2016 12:06

I remember being piled into the back seat of a car when going on 4 hour car journeys in summer.

Didn't do me any harm, and I can't see why people get so incensed about children not having a seat belt in the back. I'm being sarcastic!

user1471545174 · 30/10/2016 12:10

I agree with the late back and not contacting - no excuse for that whatsoever.