to think leaving an 11yo alone for a few hours is ok

[TalkofSummertime]

I'm no fan of Michael Gove but I think he's getting too much of a bashing- apparently he left his son in a hotel room for 6 hours one evening with takeaway, access to soft drinks at the bar etc. The porters knew he was there.

Personally I think leaving a mature secondary child alone is quite unremarkable. Let's face it, it's different from when they were three or whatever.

I was from a stable, affectionate family and was left at home for a few hours the odd time from the age of 7 (IRRC). I stayed home alone for a few days aged 14 (my parents had accidentally booked a surprise holiday for the same date as my music exam).

I think our society infantilizes older children far too much, and this is just the press making a mountain out of a molehill.

Well, when children start secondary, it is seen as acceptable that they will spend the holidays on their own at home (No CM, holiday clubs etc). That means more than 6 hours on their own.
so I can't see the issue.
Actually I think there is less of an issue because it's the evening and will be likely to sleep some of the time.
It might be more of an issue because it's a hotel and not home. But we have no idea of how often this child has gone to that hotel and how used to it he is.

Oh wow, my comment English... 😂

I think I'm pretty laid back in this particular department, and no I would not do this.

I would (and have) done it with my 14 year old there as well, but 6 hours is too long and they'd be bored/anxious.

I think thats too long. The bit that worries me most is the porters knew he was there. The porters are strangers, that makes me uncomfortable.

Fuck, 1.30 am? Way too late.

Working parents frequently have no choice but to leave 11 year olds alone for a few hours. It is the venue that bothers me. An 11 year old who is sensible in their own home is entirely different to leaving an 11 year old in a hotel. I don't find that appropriate at all.

Six hours in a strange place with strangers taking responsibility for him. No way on earth. He deserves the criticism he's getting.

Depends on the 11 yr old - my DPs would leave me at that age but then they knew I probably wouldn't have got up from reading a book.

Another 11 yr old - maybe not.

Presumably Gove knows what his is like.

can't believe I am standing up for Gove on something, goes away to stab self in eye

I would. If he's a sensible 11 year old he'd watch tv, text his mates and drink all the overpriced Coke in the bar.
Was it the same hotel that his dad was at the function? No doubt he was texting him.

No

I wouldn't leave the 12 year old in my care alone for 6 hours, but that's more to do with her own issues with loneliness and abandonment than whether or not I trust her or think she would be safe.

I remember being left alone for an evening in a hotel room actually when I was about 11 as my sister had an awards ceremony in Manchester that I wasn't able to attend and my parents couldn't leave me at home! I had a great time! I racked up quite a bill on the hotel phone calling my friends but I was perfectly happy, content and safe.

His parents were at the sister hotel and claimed they had no signal to respond to the hotel's attempts to contact them.

yanbu. I dont know anyone who uses childcare for children from p7/secondary onwards, especially in the summer holidays.

Im rural Scotland so my experiences may differ, but dont your 11+ aged kids go out to play during the day? My ds (no longer school age) would go out with his friends about 11ish and we wouldnt see them till tea time when we got in from work. No mobile phones back then. Similiar to what i did as a child. Sitting in a hotel room, playing a tablet is probably poses far less risk than the great outdoors.

I have a very sensible 11 year old - trusted to get herself to and from school and to be by herself in the house for hour or two.

I wouldn't do this - hotel room for 6 hours.

I do know parents who have to work - most find ways so it's not all day by themselves - friend's and family having them or popping by or cutting their hours down or very least know someone in local neighbour they can go to in an emergency. Plus in their own home they know the risks more than in a strange hotel room.

I also think it's off expecting hotel staff to look out for a child - it's not their job.

Plus if someone was four hours late I'd be worried - though I'd be amazed if they hadn't phone the boy to let him know they would be late.

Couple of years older and I don't think there would be any issue but 11 seems too young however sensible the child.

I think there are far fewer things to cause mischief with in a hotel room - even McGyver would struggle to construct his own flamethrower from a small pad of paper, inadequate pen, miniature shampoo bottles, shower cap and a Gideon bible...

It's not the leaving him alone that's the problem, if I understand it, it's the being uncontactable and 4 hours late.

What about the trouser press?

Much as I hate to agree with something Michael Government has done, YANBU. DS was 11 (turned 12 later that month) when I left him from 7.15 to 5 for the first time, as my school had a training day and so did his. He was 11 the first time he was left at night, so I could attend a staff meal out in a venue 20 minutes walk away, from 6.30-10.30, with the next door neighbour listening out for him.

Gove*

It's not the leaving him alone that's the problem, if I understand it, it's the being uncontactable and 4 hours late.

This.

My 11 and 13 year old would be reasonably content to be left at 7:30 and to get themselves to bed. But by the sounds of this the child expected them to be back before he went to sleep - how many threads have there been on MN from worried partners whose significant other was supposed to be home 3 hours ago, there is no sign and can't get them on the phone, should they call the police? Hospitals? Everyone they know?

Very unfair position to put a child in.

Feels weird to be sticking up for Gove but I don't see the big problem. I don't have children that age but I'm curious what other people's 11 year olds do when parents want to go to shop or after school - do they go everywhere with them? When I started high school at 11 I started getting the public bus, got a house and may have been home before my parent. Although I did still go to childminder or activities so I wasn't home alone all day during the holidays. Also don't most children this age start going to cinema and town centre on their own which is surely more risky than a hotel room. I would have though put most 11 years olds would have enjoyed the time to to watch tv etc and wouldn't be scared or worried, if they are then different matter.

Michael Gove is a loathesome cunt, but not because of this.

Absolutely no way.
Being four hours late and uncontactable is absolutely dreadful.
And he was in charge of our schools. Says it all really.

No one can work out how to switch those on, Queen!