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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for this sum of money from DS and his partner?

204 replies

MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 14:18

I'll try to keep this short.

I've agreed that DS and his partner and my DGS can come and live in my house for a while; they're trying to save for a deposit and mortgage and we live in a pricey part of the UK, so it's not easy. They stayed for a month earlier this year and it worked well really given I'm used to living alone and they needed to find a way to establish the routine which works for my DGS who is not two yet. I didn't charge them anything that time, but I've told DS that this time I can't let them stay for free because of the impact on my utility bills etc.

They both work F/T, the other DGP's do a lot of childcare to enable my Dil to go work without sky high childcare costs. I work F/T too and live alone. How much would it be reasonable to ask for as a contribution for their stay in my home? I have a figure in mind but no idea if it's reasonable or not and before I speak to DS I'd like some help please. They would have a double bedroom and DGS will have his own room, all use of everything they need but would be buying and cooking their own food. I still pay a mortgage which is almost £600 pm.

The figure I have thought of is cheaper than rental where we are, so I'd thought of £500 pm for them all. I know that if they stay for longer than 6 weeks I have to notify the LA that I'm no longer eligible for single person discount on my council tax so I'm sort of taking this into account as well as the increased bills due to more use of water, electric, gas and so forth.

I'll shut up now, having failed to keep it short, but I'm happy to answer questions.

TIA.

OP posts:
luckylucky24 · 27/10/2016 15:59

just read the bit about their income. They have plenty to save! After take they are bringing in around 2.5K a month. They can easy save £1200-1500 and live well.

Original poster
MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 16:03

I'm the mum. I'll get my coat.

OP posts:
HanYOLO · 27/10/2016 16:03

How much does a room in a (really nice) houseshare cost near you?

That is more what is on offer, and more relevant than a whole flat.

TBH though, if the point is for them to be able to save a deposit I'd be looking at them paying for half utility costs, the increase in council tax plus £50? Or something. Max. Not rent, just cost covering. Unless you are in a position where you can't afford your home on your own and would otherwise be taking in a lodger.

YelloDraw · 27/10/2016 16:06

Be honest about your motivations. If you want to make money change them £500. If you want to cover costs charge them £200 to £300

Original poster
MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 16:07

Han no it is not a room in a house. It is the use of the whole house whenever they are there, and part of the reason they want to come is because I get out of their way so they can have time together as a family.

OP posts:
Konyaa · 27/10/2016 16:09

the other DGP's do a lot of childcare to enable my Dil to go work

This sentence stood out for me the most. Why is this just enabling your DIL to go out to work? Is it not equally enabling your DS to go out to work as well? Unless you're assuming the childcare is your DIL's responsibility?

Chinlo · 27/10/2016 16:10

Be honest about your motivations. If you want to make money change them £500. If you want to cover costs charge them £200 to £300

This. It's really that simple.

I would want my children to cover their costs but I personally would never look to make a profit off them, no matter how old they are. It would be my pleasure for them to live with me anyway! Especially with grandkid/s!

But this is your decision.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/10/2016 16:10

Konyaa

If you RTFT you'll see that OP has appologised for the wording used.

takesnoprisoners · 27/10/2016 16:11

Your utility bill is going to more than double with all the etra cooking and cleaning and heating. Plus, council tax and maintenance. £500 sounds right. Or you will be out of pocket.

mummyto2monkeys · 27/10/2016 16:11

How will their moving in impact your heating? Both work full time, and your grandson is out at your sons in-laws all day so shouldn't cost more during the day. More showers and charging for phones/ tablets etc will likely be the biggest impact. I would contact your electric/ gas company and explain that your son and daughter inlaw are coming to stay. Ask them to predict what the increase will be and adjust your direct debits to suit (there may be a family tarrif that will be more suitable once your son moves in.)

You might need to do the same with your broadband package. You can ask your ds to pay the increase . My dh and I stayed with my
parents whilst saving for a deposit, my father took £50 a week off of us. We also bought the weekly shopping and helped out around the house etc. (Both which we would have done if living there anyway). My Dad was devastated when we left lol, he tried to convince us to stay longer but the perfect house came up (we are still in it today 😁).

mumblechum0 · 27/10/2016 16:11

£250 pcm would be reasonable, as you'd be paying your mortgage whether they were there or not.

Kennington · 27/10/2016 16:13

I would charge. Just ask them to do the food shopping for you for a few weeks and get them to buy cleaning products and loo roll.

Kennington · 27/10/2016 16:13

I wouldn't charge!

expatinscotland · 27/10/2016 16:17

Wow, you'd cover the cost of 2 extra adults and a child in the home and all that entails? A lot of people can't afford that.

pumpkinpie71 · 27/10/2016 16:18

When your electricity/gas/water/council tax bill come you ask them to pay 2/3. And they buy there own food of course

His not renting a room of you as a landlord is he, he has asked his mum if he can live there a while in order to by his family a home so I think covering the rise in bills and buying there own food is enough as that doesn't leave you out of pocket. That way you aren't out of pocket in any way and they get to save and move out a lot quicker

TatteredOwl · 27/10/2016 16:21

£500 is an absolute bargain. Full use of the home, all bills included. Tell me where you can live like that elsewhere? In the south east, you'd pay £900 plus rent alone plus bills.

Chat it over with them. If I lived alone, a young family coming to stay would do my head in and I do actually love my kids Grin

humblesims · 27/10/2016 16:25

OP Your original post made you appear a bit sexist and grabby No it doesnt. FFS the OP apologised for the wording of her post but she is merely asking for advice.

itsmine · 27/10/2016 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saoirse31 · 27/10/2016 16:28

I'd be charging minimum possible, and prob nothing of I could afford it tbh.

DanGleballs · 27/10/2016 16:30

I would ask for £500 but would keep £200 and save the extra £300 for them in an IS A.

GreyBird84 · 27/10/2016 16:32

I think £250 is fair all round & allows them to save faster so leave your house faster.

mikulkin · 27/10/2016 16:42

500 is a lot, doesn't matter how you look at it. You say flat would cost 800 per month, but they are not getting flat on their own, they are sharing with you in your home.
Plus I live in London, and we are family of 3 people - I don't think we pay 500 for utilities for month.
I would say you should ask for 200-250 max

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/10/2016 16:44

I would ask for £500 but would keep £200 and save the extra £300 for them in an IS A.

That's a good idea.

My parents fiddle this when I first started working but still living at home.

I thought I was paying 'rent' but what they were actually doing was saving the money.

I got the money and the interest as a present when I moved out. Very welcome it was to.

harshbuttrue1980 · 27/10/2016 16:46

No one is taking account of the fact that the OP might currently ENJOY living on her own. Even people who love their family don't necessarily want to live with them. Maybe some of what the OP is charging for is the inconvenience of having her life disturbed, and having to make the compromises you need to make when living together.
I think its a fair offer, and the OP's son is free to take it or not. No gun is being held at his head.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/10/2016 16:49

I think I'd get together with them and try to work out how much they want to save every month for their deposit and then go from there if possible. I'd want help with the increased bills, but I'd also want to be sure they were saving as much as possible so they'd be able to buy as soon as possible under the assumption of the more they save, the sooner they'll be in their own home.

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