AIBU to ask for this sum of money from DS and his partner?

[MightyJoeAverage]

I'll try to keep this short.

I've agreed that DS and his partner and my DGS can come and live in my house for a while; they're trying to save for a deposit and mortgage and we live in a pricey part of the UK, so it's not easy. They stayed for a month earlier this year and it worked well really given I'm used to living alone and they needed to find a way to establish the routine which works for my DGS who is not two yet. I didn't charge them anything that time, but I've told DS that this time I can't let them stay for free because of the impact on my utility bills etc.

They both work F/T, the other DGP's do a lot of childcare to enable my Dil to go work without sky high childcare costs. I work F/T too and live alone. How much would it be reasonable to ask for as a contribution for their stay in my home? I have a figure in mind but no idea if it's reasonable or not and before I speak to DS I'd like some help please. They would have a double bedroom and DGS will have his own room, all use of everything they need but would be buying and cooking their own food. I still pay a mortgage which is almost £600 pm.

The figure I have thought of is cheaper than rental where we are, so I'd thought of £500 pm for them all. I know that if they stay for longer than 6 weeks I have to notify the LA that I'm no longer eligible for single person discount on my council tax so I'm sort of taking this into account as well as the increased bills due to more use of water, electric, gas and so forth.

I'll shut up now, having failed to keep it short, but I'm happy to answer questions.

TIA.

I'm with most - if the reason they are staying with you is to enable them to save, then I'd only charge them as little as it cost for them to be there - so that would be the loss of the 25% council tax discount and not a lot else, tbh - your heating won't change as you presumably heat your home for yourself. Water I suppose if you are on a meter (we aren't, so that wouldn't change). Perhaps something for electricity as that will go up, but I'd probably just ask them to pay the difference between this years and last year's bills, if I needed the money. Otherwise I'd not charge them at all.

I also wanted to mention the childcare point. Your son goes to work too, so someone has to look after his children.

It's very kind of your DIL's parents to be so generous to your son and DIL to help them both to save so much money.

Shame you don't feel the same way.

In fact, it almost sounds like you think you should be able to ask for more "rent" from them as your DIL doesn't have to pay for childcare .

If you actually need the money, then I'd suggest £200-250 max would cover any increase in bills.

I think you need to be clear in your own head EXACTLY what you're asking for, its down to you to know what you want! MN jury will be very vocal!

£500 is a bargain of you're just providing a cheaper place than renting... And they're contributing a reasonable share of costs.

BUT

£500 is too much if you're solely charging for the increase in bills. (unless your bills are sky-high!)

If you just charge them how much your bills actually go up by so your not out of pocket, they will save that deposit and move out a lot quicker!

I can't see your household bills (council tax, gas, electricity, water etc) going up by £500

I also think that £500 seems a little steep. It would more than cover your costs (would they be paying more than half of your mortgage once you take bills into account?)

Do you like them staying with you or consider it a burden?

£500 would more than cover the increase in bills I would think as this would cover all our utilities and council tax but are I inc an element of rent?

If money was tight I'd charge them 2/3 of all household bills (eg Wifi and TV package too if they use it) plus the extra council tax, and add in maybe £10-20 a month for stuff they probably won't buy like toilet roll, cleaning products, kitchen stuff (like oil, cling film, condiments, sugar, herbs and spices etc). I'd also ask how much they plan to save each month, I wouldn't be massively happy if they were eating out a lot or buying new cars while trying to save.

If money wasn't a big issue I'd probably just charge them half the bills and council tax.

It's too much if you want them to save and the idea is just bill covering and they are paying for own food.

I would say £150-200 maximum. The less you charge, the quicker they can save and move.

They are both working full-time so even paying you £500 per month plus their own groceries should still allow them to save quite a lot. Even on low/moderate wages.

When I had my DC I couldn't believe how much my utility bills went up. The amount of extra heating, hot water, washing and tumble drying was huge and really hiked up my bills. I don't think that a profit should be made from them staying but be very careful that you don't end up out of pocket.

If it were my family, I would be looking to charge only what having them stay with me actually costs. So any increase in utilities, Council Tax etc.

If I could afford to, I would happily have any one of my DCs stay with me for no cost to enable them to save a deposit for a house more quickly. As a family of 3, they are very unlikely to want to take the piss and stay for years and years are they?

However, I'm by no means saying that everyone should let adult DCs stay free of charge in these circumstances & certainly not if you cannot afford to do so. I'm pretty sure I would though, if money were not an issue for me.

And absolutely, your DS's in-law's do NOT provide lots of childcare to "enable DIL to work full time". They provide lots of childcare to enable BOTH of DGS' parents to work full time without the burden of huge childcare costs!

I think it is reasonable to give two amounts, depending on how long they stay. If under 6 weeks, then £300 or so for the whole time, or they pay less but contribute to your food (saving you shopping time as well). You can say that over 6 weeks and they will have to pay the council tax increase. The space you are giving them and market rent are irrelevant unless you are throwing out tenants to let them stay, don't bring this up as you just look mean.

I'd lay out the bills in front of them and discuss it, I doubt they are going to try and scam you in any way and it is lovely getting to know them better and see so much of your DGS.

I think £500 sounds quite high.

If I were you I would only ask for the amount that your bills would increase.
Electricity, water, council tax, a bit for cleaning products etc. But it wouldn't be fair to ask for a contribution to sky tv for example (if you are already paying for it for yourself)

This will enable them to save the maximum amount of money as quickly as possible.

£500 is a lot and would largely negate the point of them living with you.

I have a similar situation happening except I am the daughter and have moved in with my mum with my two children while we wait for our house sale/buy to complete.

I give my mum £200 pcm to account for the extra bills and make sure on top of this I buy my share of consumables - food, toilet paper and the like.

My mum and I have a good relationship and I'm very lucky to be living rent free for a bit, I hope she is not out of pocket. If you can afford to just charge for the extra bills it would seem odd to charge more?

£500 a month for just bills?
That's way too high.
Should be easy to work out how much your council tax will increase. You just need to look at your CT bill as this gives the full amount and then the discount. That difference is what they should pay. Which will be a few hundred of the year, so around what £30 a month
They are out off the house all day, so not at home using all the heating and electrics. So an extra £80 max a month there.

Water, there's a calculator www.ccwater.org.uk/watermetercalculator/
put in your details as now, and then change for an extra 3 people. But cannot see this more than £20 a month.

So thats roughly £130 a month extra. But obviously this does depend on the calculation from the water meter and the council tax. Even so, max I would go is £200 a month for them all. Any excess at the end of the month, I would also be putting aside to give them back when they move out, although they wouldn't know about that until they left.
Obviously if you have sky/virgin and they want to add package and extra rooms, they need to pay for this.

DH and I moved in with my parents in September, baby due next week so I'm on maternity leave. We pay £150pm. I was quite surprised tbh and was happy to pay up to £300 (basic rent around here isn't much more than that) but £150 covers their electricity bill apparently which they found was the main thing to be affected by people living with them! I'm still happy to pay more and we budget more just in case, but it does help our savings significantly! Now that we've bought everything for baby and paid our year's car insurance and so on we're looking at saving a nice chunk before next May! We're very grateful for it.

We feed ourselves too. My sister and her husband shared food and contributed an extra £50 a month for that.

I've been in this situation and £500 when you're trying to save sounds quite high especially as they are going to buy their own food. We moved back in with my parents, we did have nursery fees to pay as we both work full time. My parents, even though we tried, wouldn't take a penny from us. We took them out for meals, bought them little bits and bobs etc. But we had saved enough within 6 months to buy. It helped us out a heap. We tried to offer and I kept saying I felt awful, but they just wanted us to have our own house as soon as possible as they can see how difficult it is. They wouldn't let us buy food, and occasionally bought heaps of nappies/wipes as they have them there for gcs anyway and we weren't the only ones using them!

My brother is currently back living with them now. They've done it for all of us.

My own circumstances were different in that we moved back to our home country from overseas (London-where we could not afford to buy at all with nursery and renting).

Maybe ask for a contribution or see if he offers something?

It's all relative though isn't the.

Without knowing how much it costs room rent where you are, £500 could be an absolute bargain it would be around here or way to much.

I've got my eldest ds, dil and granddaughter living with us while they save up to buy a house.
We offered to have them here for free but my ds wouldn't hear of it so they give us £100 a month just so they've given us something ( I am saving it all and I will make ds take it back when they leave but he doesn't know this). Our bills have gone up by not by £500 a month. And my ds & dil buy there own food.

Your ds is moving back home to enable him to buy a family home and you obviously want to help in this as you've agreed to have them. So ask for whatever your bills go up by so you aren't left out of pocket?
I would be very surprised if your bills go up by £500 a month. Plus if they only cover your rise of bills, they will save quicker and move out quicker

I think it is wrong to try and profit from your son staying with you. Once you start talking about market rents you just look tight! You should only ask them to pay what it actually costs for them to live there. I'd be surprised if that was more than £200 per month given that they will be buying their own food.

I agree with everyone else that £500 seems like you're trying to make a profit, and is a little high (seems a bit mean given they're trying to save for a home). I don't know your financial situation, but I have to assume you can afford to live how you are living right now, in which case I would just charge them the extra costs that they generate. I'd imagine that that's £200 at most for the extra council tax and extra utility bill costs.

How much do your bills come to per month? I would charge a percentage of this, plus an amount to cover for wear and tear on the property.

Will your house insurance change if they are staying? Will they need to get their own contents insurance? These are other factors you can factor in to the cost.

Thank you for the replies.
Firstly, I know childcare is the responsibility of both my DS and his partner and I'm sorry I wasn't more thoughtful about that. I think their joint annual income is roughly in the region of £38-£40,000 gross, DS is self employed.

Rent for the equivalent property here would be £1000+ but obviously they aren't renting the whole of the house, they are coming to stay and that point has helped change my thinking somewhat. They would not be able to rent a flat for any less than about £800 I don't think. I don't know what they're currently paying Dil's parents to stay with them but I will ask. My council tax with discount is £1200 and would rise by 25% if not a single occupant.

I don't know yet what impact their previous stay had on my bills, it was summer so probably negligible and I guess it won't show until my utility providers review my usage overall.

They are not a burden, no. FWIW, DS is a skilled tradesperson and although he charges me less for his labour than he'd charge a customer I do pay him what he asks for what he does...or maybe that's a different kind of situation, I'm not sure now .

''the other DGP's do a lot of childcare to enable my Dil to go work without sky high childcare costs'

I'm so sorry OP, have you by some chance just stumbled into 1956? Other DGP's do 'a lot of childcare' to facilitate your son and his partner to both work. FFS.

And as an aside, WTF bearing does their (very loving sounding) provision of childcare have to do with what figure you 'charge' them? Other than there contribution to this young family is free and you appear to be wanting the amount they pay you to be way over anything that is cost-neutral - IE profiting from them, the very opposite of what other DGPs are doing...

Profit by all means but don't dress it up as 'meeting costs' And quit thinking your son is a character from Mad Men