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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for this sum of money from DS and his partner?

204 replies

MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 14:18

I'll try to keep this short.

I've agreed that DS and his partner and my DGS can come and live in my house for a while; they're trying to save for a deposit and mortgage and we live in a pricey part of the UK, so it's not easy. They stayed for a month earlier this year and it worked well really given I'm used to living alone and they needed to find a way to establish the routine which works for my DGS who is not two yet. I didn't charge them anything that time, but I've told DS that this time I can't let them stay for free because of the impact on my utility bills etc.

They both work F/T, the other DGP's do a lot of childcare to enable my Dil to go work without sky high childcare costs. I work F/T too and live alone. How much would it be reasonable to ask for as a contribution for their stay in my home? I have a figure in mind but no idea if it's reasonable or not and before I speak to DS I'd like some help please. They would have a double bedroom and DGS will have his own room, all use of everything they need but would be buying and cooking their own food. I still pay a mortgage which is almost £600 pm.

The figure I have thought of is cheaper than rental where we are, so I'd thought of £500 pm for them all. I know that if they stay for longer than 6 weeks I have to notify the LA that I'm no longer eligible for single person discount on my council tax so I'm sort of taking this into account as well as the increased bills due to more use of water, electric, gas and so forth.

I'll shut up now, having failed to keep it short, but I'm happy to answer questions.

TIA.

OP posts:
PotatoBread · 27/10/2016 15:24

What would your additional outgoings be by actually having them there? £500pcm does seem like you're trying to make a profit out of it. Catch 22 as the more they pay you the less they'll be able save and the longer they will be there.

LadyStoic · 27/10/2016 15:25

*their contribution. Not 'there'.

Artandco · 27/10/2016 15:26

It's about the costs it costs you though, not the cost of housing as that's free.

Our flat we rent for almost £2000 a month. Then bills etc. But I wouldn't charge someone to stay in a room based on what we pay, as what we pay would be the same regardless. So I wouldn't charge any towards the rent, and just some towards the bills. Hence a £150-200 figure.

expatinscotland · 27/10/2016 15:26

£500 for two bedrooms and all bills besides food in an expensive part of the UK is a bargain. I think that's entirely fair.

Bluebolt · 27/10/2016 15:27

I would also let them know asap if you are planning to charge £500 as they may decide on other options.

irretating · 27/10/2016 15:27

It is a bit excessive, work out how much it'll cost you to keep them there and charge them that. For the sake of your relationship with them, I really wouldn't try and make a profit from the. It'll cause all sorts of resentment.

pregnantat50 · 27/10/2016 15:28

There is one other thought that went through my head (well a couple actualy)

They are currently unable to save for a deposit paying the amount that they are paying DILs parents so to make a difference the cost of staying with you would have to be lower, otherwise what is the point of the move.

The other thought is if you dont charge a little bit extra (not lots) they may take advantage of you.

My friends grown up children and partners all live with her and pay nothing, not even a contribution towards food, and worse, they expect her to provide food, cook and clean after them as well! not saying that could happen but it needs to be a fair balance between paying a little and paying too much..if that makes sense

Aderyn2016 · 27/10/2016 15:29

If your son charges you for more than parts when he does work for you, then I can see why you are not falling over yourself to do this for pennies though.

In my family, no one charges anyone for anything though, bar costs incurred.

LemonBreeland · 27/10/2016 15:31

So your council tax is going to rise by £20ish a month. Honestly anything more than £200 and you are going to be making a serious profit from them. Do you actually want them to stay, or are you trying to put them off?

Original poster
MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 15:31

bluebolt if there were other options at that cost I would suggest it to them myself. They need their own place.

They ARE saving for a deposit whilst living with the other set of parents. They wish to continue doing so. Sorry, I didn't make it clear in the original post, I wanted to give the bare bones and some context (hence the bit about the childcare, but that backfired didn't it).

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 27/10/2016 15:33

Did you decide what to charge him op?

Rubies12345 · 27/10/2016 15:33

I'd go with 400, half mortgage and bills

They can't pay half the mortgage. They are not going to own half of the OP's house.

They should pay their share of the bills (25% council tax, 2/3 of the rest)

Honeypickle · 27/10/2016 15:33

**Mighty I think your DS charging you a (reduced) rate for his labour/house jobs is entirely different as he is using his skill and presumably materials and parts to do the jobs in time when he could becoming jobs for other paying customers. You presumably were not planning on having paying lodgers instead of your DS and his family; do you are neither losing or missing out on money. I would only charge them the extra that you are paying yourself; why would you even consider trying to make a profit from having your family staying with you?

Honeypickle · 27/10/2016 15:34

Be doing jobs - not becoming jobs!

pregnantat50 · 27/10/2016 15:35

Alternatively you could ask for £500 a month and only use the amount that is different to the normal expense and place the remainder in a savings account and hand it to them to cover moving costs when they leave ( a sort of unexpected savings stash)

Original poster
MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 15:38

Yes, I'm going to ask for 2/3 of the utility bills.

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 27/10/2016 15:40

I know when we stay with MIL (and her partner) her electric doubles!! You will be having phones and tablets chargin every day, washing machine and dryer will be going much much more often! They will probably have 3 loads to your one, little things like Hoover wil be used much more, ironing, heating will also increase - a single person will put on slippers and extra jumper or just jot feel the cold as much but kids need to be warmer and also like to run around nude etc!
consumables like washing powder, washing up liquid, cleaning supplies, lol roll, bin bags will greatly increase!
£500 may be a little high but I think £200 is too low as well!
£500 is a bargain though we rent a 3 bed in Wales and out rent and utilities and broadband and tv license and contents insurance are about £1100!

notangelinajolie · 27/10/2016 15:43

£500 seems a lot to me. I would ask £50 per week. I am sure this would be more than enough to cover your extra costs.

PotatoBread · 27/10/2016 15:44

Don't be surprised if they decline your 'charitable' offer OP and if it causes tension.

Original poster
MightyJoeAverage · 27/10/2016 15:45

What charitable offer would that be potato?

OP posts:
luckylucky24 · 27/10/2016 15:52

I think this is very fair. People are not thinking about council tax, and extra bills for 3 people. Thats potentially an extra 3 baths\showers every day, extra electricity and heating.
Assuming they earn £1500 between them a month, they would still be able to save £500+ a month. In a year that is £6K minimum.

QuiteLikely5 · 27/10/2016 15:52

That sounds very fair op

LadyAEIOU · 27/10/2016 15:57

Your son sounds really good giving you discounts on work he does for you (given he could make full rate in that time instead) and you are good for not taking the discount for his work and paying him full rate so he doesn't lose out. I mention this because it is a lovely eg of the two of you doing a nice thing for the other because you care.

Based on this as long as they don't take the mick I would charge the difference in bills ie the CT increase and extra utilities.

HairsprayBabe · 27/10/2016 15:57

OP Your original post made you appear a bit sexist and grabby. Charge your son any actual extra above costs you would already be paying, including a small amount for wear and tear.

Anything else is just greed on your part.

nogrip · 27/10/2016 15:59

They are going to end up resenting you if you charge more than half the utilities. If that's what you want then carry right on. They wont say it, but they will think it