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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to provide a specific gift list for kids Christmas presents

150 replies

ForeverDrowningInClutter · 20/10/2016 19:36

I am incredibly lucky to have the most wonderful and supportive family and friends, for which I am beyond grateful. However, this also means lots of gifts for my kids at Christmas (most of the a fore mentioned family and friends love buying gifts as much as I do - I'd rather give than receive any day!).
My kids have so much stuff that I feel quite overwhelmed by all the things in our house - most of the toys of which my kids don't even play with. I find it hard to keep our house tidy.
Would I be unreasonable to provide a wedding gift list style list of suggestions to people kind enough to want to buy presents? Would that be considered rude?

OP posts:
ThereIsNoFelange · 20/10/2016 19:37

Yes.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/10/2016 19:38

If they ask then give them the list, but to just randomly send everyone list is a bit rude imo.

lilyboleyn · 20/10/2016 19:39

I don't think it's great. If people ask, by all means, give them a couple of ideas. If they don't ask, it's perhaps not so good an idea. It depends how your family will react. I, personally, would be a bit Hmm if I hadn't asked for ideas. Some people like to take the time to choose something by themselves.
Understand your PoV entirely, but maybe just grit your teeth unless asked.

CottonSock · 20/10/2016 19:40

I'm doing it. Way too much stuff here

daisypond · 20/10/2016 19:41

I'm surprised people don't ask you what they would want or need.

AmberEars · 20/10/2016 19:41

It's not a bad idea, but could come across as rude. It depends - some people love choosing gifts, while for others this would be a godsend! Maybe mention the idea casually and see what sort of response you get?

Gizlotsmum · 20/10/2016 19:41

People tend to ask for ideas so I normally give a couple of options.. especially as now the kiddies are getting older and have collections so it reduces duplicates. Any present is great fully received tho.. from list or otherwise

crje · 20/10/2016 19:41

I think it's fine to suggest gift items or vouchers towards one large gift.

I hate waste.

MrsJayy · 20/10/2016 19:42

Yes it's rude to provide a gift list does your gift giver not ask what the kids would like then you can say oh they would like x Y z pick smaller gifts so you are not over flowing with toys

BeansMcCready · 20/10/2016 19:44

Hmm... It's so tricky! I have a similar situation, and DS has his birthday two days before Christmas so January is like a toy shop in our house. I think an email to all concerned being quite casual might work - "As a few of you have been asking what DCs would like for Christmas (it's so sweet of you to want to buy them the things that they want, they are such lucky children), I have put together a list of suggestions..."

(Even though no one has asked!

Then I would include a list that is general I.e. Ningago Lego, rather that This Ningago Lego set that costs £60...

I am so pleased when a parent makes a suggestion to me of things their children would like, as its great to know they are going to like it! but I usually ask. It is a bit different and could sound a bit grabby to specify presents up front...

SharonStrzelecki · 20/10/2016 19:46

I use an Amazon wish list, so if people ask me I can just direct them to that. We have the same 'problem', lovely, kind, generous relatives and a full house. I would only mention the gift list if they asked for ideas though, and only to very close family. I'd also be happy to buy from a list. I love my nieces but can't quite keep up with their interests and I'd rather buy them something they really want than getting them something unsuitable.

TitsCrossed · 20/10/2016 19:46

It's a problem, OP, one I can certainly relate to. I have a list that I use if people ask me what the dc want. But if they don't ask, I don't contact them.

I have always asked the parents of kids I buy for what they want. Unless I'm giving a cash present to an older kid. Couldn't imagine trying to guess what they have/haven't got/ are in to this year. I want my gift to be used/liked. Not wasted or regifted.

SharonStrzelecki · 20/10/2016 19:47

I should point out that the list is gifts for my children, wouldn't do it for myself!

TitsCrossed · 20/10/2016 19:48

Send Beans email, great idea

minionsrule · 20/10/2016 19:48

The other problem with a list is a number of people may buy the same thing!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/10/2016 19:49

I can certainly see why you'd want to but probably best to keep lists until you're asked for suggestions. I know what you mean though as mine get a lot from family members and it can be a bit overwhelming for them, never mind space issues!

I asked friends a few years back (very politely) not to buy for my DC at Xmas. I think those with children were relieved to knock it on the head as it can be hard enough shopping for your own, and my child free friends understood where I was coming from. So these days less "stuff" in the house and less expense for others Smile

WhooooAmI24601 · 20/10/2016 19:50

I suggest things if people ask, and as we have a huge family and social circle the DCs often get given far too much. DS2's birthday is on 12th night, so it's chaos. The Grandparents always ask for suggestions and I always suggest day trips. It genuinely is the best option.

If they didn't ask, I wouldn't send a gift list. Though DS2 circled everything in the Smyths Toys catalogue and left it pointedly at MIL's on her sofa last night. The 5 year old version of a wedding list.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/10/2016 19:50

If I got an unsolicited list I'd think it very presumptuous and possibly not buy a gift at all. So I would not recommend sending an email. If someone asks maybe give a suggestion but not an actual list.

abeandhalo · 20/10/2016 19:52

Wow I'm really surprised by how many people here think this is so weird.

Every year my mum would get me and my brother to write an Xmas list so that she could advise grandparents, godparents, etc, on what we wanted. But that was for closer relatives, who wanted to know so that they could get us a gift we really wanted / didn't already have.

SheldonCRules · 20/10/2016 19:52

Fine to ask for no gifts but very rude to give lists if people haven't actually asked for one.

ConvincingLiar · 20/10/2016 19:52

I think Beans' email is a bad idea, sorry beans! A friend did this a few years ago and really upset a friend who received the email. I think it's fine to have a list but not at all fine to send it out unsolicited. Whattogive is good because it's not tied to a particular retailer and you can be vague.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/10/2016 19:55

abe that's a bit different though and I cant imagine anyone would criticise that. The OP is talking about sending an unsolicited gift list to a fair number of people. Offence could very easily be taken.

ImissGrannyW · 20/10/2016 19:57

and if you DO do this, put on things with a good price range, making sure you include things that are v cheap or can be very cheap (eg - stickers) to suit all budgets!

passmyglass · 20/10/2016 19:57

There's gift lists and there's gift lists. My SIL lives in another country and consequently we are not always up to date with what her small sons are into, consequently she has for years put together an amazon wishlist for each of them and sent out a brief message saying "if you need ideas, the boys have lists on amazon." It's really helpful and I love it. Yet it's not as forthright as a wedding list type thing, especially since she doesn't say "please only buy gifts from this list"

Trifleorbust · 20/10/2016 19:59

It's fine if you are asked, as pp have said. It's bloody rude if it's unsolicited.