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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to provide a specific gift list for kids Christmas presents

150 replies

ForeverDrowningInClutter · 20/10/2016 19:36

I am incredibly lucky to have the most wonderful and supportive family and friends, for which I am beyond grateful. However, this also means lots of gifts for my kids at Christmas (most of the a fore mentioned family and friends love buying gifts as much as I do - I'd rather give than receive any day!).
My kids have so much stuff that I feel quite overwhelmed by all the things in our house - most of the toys of which my kids don't even play with. I find it hard to keep our house tidy.
Would I be unreasonable to provide a wedding gift list style list of suggestions to people kind enough to want to buy presents? Would that be considered rude?

OP posts:

Deb98789 · 22/10/2016 19:28

My family & friends ask what my kids would like. And i know what each persin spends, so i can suggest thijngs in their price band. Some years we've all chipped in a little for skiing lesions, some gave £5 and others gave £20, and I topped it up, but everyone was given equal recognition.

emmeline25 · 22/10/2016 19:43

I hate getting presents that my Son doesn't like as I have a small house ands the place doesn't need anything else in storage. I would never send a list out though unless someone specifically asks what he needs/wants.

Artandco · 22/10/2016 20:02

But surely people just buying stuff you won't use and you donating it straight away is a bit pointless the giver buying anything in the first place?

For example dhs mother bought ds1 at age 2 a full size table tennis table! Wtf at wwe supposed to do with that in a small flat, for a child that could barely walk. It was around £300, she wouldn't take back and so it went, unopened to the local youth centre. Sure they liked it, but if she wanted to get something for her grandson useful she would have been better off spending £5 on a book or a brio train

hks · 22/10/2016 22:33

Have you thought of donating the toys they don't play with to charity shops or local foodbank / social work department

What about book tokens instead of toys / clothes or asking them to donate to a charity of their choice instead of a gift

Uptoapoint · 23/10/2016 01:47

I haven't read all the posts but as a buyer of gifts for many small children including six grandchildren, I think Amazon wish lists are a total godsend. I can be sure I give something that's really wanted and can also give a surprise - something that I've made usually if I want to. When my own children were small and I was quite poor I found it really hard when people spent money on rubbish I knew my children would never play with. A part of our Christmas ritual has always included a box for the charity shop to put unwanted gifts in straightaway (while appreciating the thought and always writing a thank you letter of course). I think it's fine to tell close relatives and friends that your children have a wish list if they are stuck for ideas. Most would be grateful in my opinion.

Rowenag · 23/10/2016 07:15

All my family swap lists, for ourselves and for the children. It makes life so much easier. I even put in links and prices on my daughters to help people online shop. I put on a range of prices and let everyone know they are the things she has been talking about hoping for. They don't have to use it but why wouldn't you organise a way to make sure your children receive things they really want instead of random things they may have or won't like. I think not having a list is more weird but I guess it has always been that way in our family.

roasted · 23/10/2016 08:16

I hate gift lists for adults. If you're buying for an adult, you should know them well enough to come up with something they really like without asking.

Children however is a different matter! They're so fickle, their favourite TV show changes every 5 minutes and lots of them have a whole army of relatives buying for them. I welcome gift lists for children, I really do.

Maireadplastic · 23/10/2016 08:49

Who assembles these lists? The children? So the children just ask for stuff then expect the stuff?

Don't like that at all.

GreenHen · 23/10/2016 10:53

I would only offer suggestions if asked.

Over a period of a few years we have scaled the Christmas gift exchange down to almost nothing, and just do birthdays. One set of GP give a wrapped gift and a few other older relatives give money still but apart from that all the DC gifts come from us. It is so much easier so much less wasteful - I enjoy Christmas again now!

Clareyfairy24 · 23/10/2016 11:37

YANBU. I have to do this as MIL goes off in a spree and buys all the same stuff as us, which is just a waste of money on both sides. I wouldn't force it on people but if people ask then atleast you have ideas on hand.

GinAndTunic · 23/10/2016 11:50

YABU. It's naff.

haveacupoftea · 23/10/2016 11:53

My aunt requests specific gifts of us all for her special snowflake DS. It really pisses me off for some reason.

Maireadplastic · 23/10/2016 12:17

Greenhen- I like the sound of that. A sensible way of navigating too much stuff and materialistic expectation. Maybe I'll get shot down but what is Christmas about?

DeathpunchDoris · 23/10/2016 12:47

Why don't you accept any gifts with good grace and then donate any unwanted ones to charity/ local hospital/ to children less fortunate?

BackforGood · 23/10/2016 14:04

Why don't you accept any gifts with good grace and then donate any unwanted ones to charity/ local hospital/ to children less fortunate?

Because a lot of people don't like waste - lots of things aren't accepted by charity shops
Because it is all such a waste of everyone's time - the person who buys going shopping then the person receiving having to find out who accepts what and how to get it there
(See other thread) Because some people get huffy if a gift they have given then isn't used by the person they gave it to.

However, if Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles etc actually gave something the dc wanted, then it's a win win all round.

I'd FAR rather know what my nieces and nephews want (and adults, tbh). I hate the waste that comes with completely unsuitable presents.

deblet · 23/10/2016 14:11

We all do amazon lists in my family. Nobody wants to have to regift things and its nice to get people something they really want or need. Throughout the years depending on what stage of life people are at I have bought bedding for student nephews, make up for student nieces, a (one had allergies so had to be careful what she used) new attractive walking stick for my uncle who really needed a new one and didn't like to say he could not afford it, beer and wine making kits, all sorts of stuff I would never have thought of. We put stuff on our lists all year round.

ClareClareClare · 23/10/2016 16:21

I think that if your circle don't already do lists it can be easily misinterpreted. That does't mean you need to keep drowning in excess toys though!

My brother was in a similar situation a few years back, living in a flat that was much too small for his family. He just let people know that it was a problem for them at the moment and he was worried that Christmas might exacerbate things.

That Christmas, most people made an effort to either give his DD envelope presents like gift vouchers, tickets to the zoo, music lessons and computer games or to gifts like chocolates or bubble bath play dough which get used up and don't take up space forever.

There were also a few people who bought the usual sort of gifts regardless, but at least the reduced numbers made things more manageable for them and as a gifting auntie, it was much more fun for me to come up with a gift that wouldn't take up space than it would have been to just pick a pre-approved item from a wishlist.

DropZoneOne · 23/10/2016 20:50

If people ask, I don't see a problem with giving suggestions ... or even a link to Amazon Gift List with the explanation that you want to avoid duplicates.

My mum asks for a list every year. I direct her to Amazon. She buys and updates the list. All good. My MIL asks for a list every year. I direct her also to Amazon. She either buys and doesn't update the list = duplicates. Or ignores the list altogether because "there wasn't anything I wanted to get on there". Also = duplicates. Or things DD just isn't interested in.

I wouldn't give a list if someone didn't ask for ideas or suggestions though.

Oly5 · 23/10/2016 21:00

I think it's rude. Let people but what they want.
And just have a clear out of all the toys in your house?!
It's not that difficult really

m0therofdragons · 23/10/2016 21:01

Depends on your family. We all do lists. The idea is you don't know what you're getting as you won't get everything on your list but you'll get some and some surprises. My family has always done lists as it's so big I have no clue what my 14yo cousin wants unless there's a list. Why buy sonething she already has?

1DAD2KIDS · 24/10/2016 08:23

Same problem. My house is totally overwhelmEd with toys. I have a 1 yo boy and 5 yo girl. My boy doesn't play much with his toys and all he wants to play with is what his sister is playing. I found a toy the other day from one of the aunts for Christmas last year still in its box. As the kids not playing with it though that could go to the charity shop. More toys than they could ever play with and many they don't. It makes me sort of feel guilty as there are so many kids without in this world and we have way more than we can play with. The worse thing is it gets more and more. It is become a bit of a stress for me on the run up to birthday/Christmas (1st world problem I know, but a stress regardless)

My ex and my ex's side of the family are lovely but tend to buy big cheap toys. These are never compatable with the stuff the kids mainly play with (happyland/Lego/playmobil). Wish they would spend the same money on say a small playmobil set that will add to the collection and the kids will play with. Rather than a huge plastic horse that I have to find space for and quality won't last. I don't want to be ungrateful but I have been wondering the same.

ZoeWashburne · 24/10/2016 08:30

Beyond rude to send out an unsolicited gift list. If they have too many toys, maybe it is time to teach your children about the true Christmas spirit and help them clear out their rooms and donate their toys to a shelter or to needy children.

If they have to much stuff, they have too much stuff, regardless of if it is on a gift list or not.

iklelis83 · 24/10/2016 09:30

I personally wouldn't be offended, it's what I do for Xmas & bday for my DS n will do for DD too.my family are not offended

franincisco · 24/10/2016 09:35

A casual referral to an Amazon list is fine (if they ask) but I would be extremely to receive a wedding-list type of thing unprompted.

yorkshapudding · 24/10/2016 09:38

If people ask me what DD would like then I make suggestions. I think that is very different to offering a list without being asked though which is a bit presumptuous.

A relative of mine always turns up at various family members houses shortly before Christmas with a list of gifts she wants them to buy her DC's. It's always quite expensive stuff, often more than the relatives would choose to spend. It is definitely a source of irritation amongst the family as she rarely visits for any other reason and and as no one has asked her for a list it looks very grabby.

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