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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to provide a specific gift list for kids Christmas presents

150 replies

ForeverDrowningInClutter · 20/10/2016 19:36

I am incredibly lucky to have the most wonderful and supportive family and friends, for which I am beyond grateful. However, this also means lots of gifts for my kids at Christmas (most of the a fore mentioned family and friends love buying gifts as much as I do - I'd rather give than receive any day!).
My kids have so much stuff that I feel quite overwhelmed by all the things in our house - most of the toys of which my kids don't even play with. I find it hard to keep our house tidy.
Would I be unreasonable to provide a wedding gift list style list of suggestions to people kind enough to want to buy presents? Would that be considered rude?

OP posts:

Joinourclub · 22/10/2016 07:08

I've considered this too, as I find the number of toys building up almost claustrophobic. I'm constantly bagging stuff up for the charity shop but the grandparents are also constantly buying 'stuff'. As well as the mess, and storage troubles, I just find it so wasteful and a but obscene that one small child can have so many things when others have so little. Unfortunately I know that grandparents just would not stick to a list. They don't mind a suggestion for a main present, but they also like to spend months picking up a gazillion other bits and pieces. The rest of my family also like to choose themselves. It's a bit of a competition as to who can find the favourite gift and if they just chose something I suggested then they wouldn't feel like They had won! Ultimately this all means a bumper bag for the charity shop in the new year.

Hulababy · 22/10/2016 07:13

We've always had an Amazon gift list for Dd, regularly update it. Can ask add stuff from other websites.

Lots of family and close friends ask so got in the habit of doing it.

A lot of our friends and family have similar. Infact for many I no longer ask as I already have their wish list link so just head there before buying.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 22/10/2016 07:14

I send suggestions to family members if they ask for it. I would be horrified to be sent a list without requesting it.

I once had a family member send me, unsolicited, the gift their dc would like for Christmas. In July.

DeepInFrance · 22/10/2016 07:15

Ah, first world problems.
Yes, that's rude. Why not be honest with your family and say you'd rather they made a donation to a child-related charity in your kids' names?

Hygellig · 22/10/2016 08:11

If they ask I think it would be fine to give them a list, but I'd be a bit wary of just circulating it unannounced. On the other hand, I expect people might welcome ideas and suggestions of what to get.

Family members who buy for my children usually ask what they want. I sympathise with the feeling of having too many toys and wanting to avoid more clutter as well.

jaykay34 · 22/10/2016 08:21

My friend recently received a gift list from a relative and was completely offended by it. She did say that the items on there were all reasonably priced (less than she would have spent) but she felt it was an absolute cheek.

Personally, I can see why people do it. My eldest children received far too much when they were small, and with my youngest I try and keep things to a minimum. To be honest he actually seems to play with his toys much more and get more enjoyment out of them, as he's not completely overwhelmed. I wouldn't give anyone a gift list though - I'm just more specific if people ask.

aliceinwanderland · 22/10/2016 09:39

Our kids have amazon wishlists which they are now old enough to populate themselves, with a bit of help. Our family usually buy off the list as it saves them time and generally means the kids don't get duplicates. Not everyone uses it bit it definitely reduces the amount of stuff the kids collects

Dogsmom · 22/10/2016 09:44

Much better to make a list of kids you buy for and who buy in return then contact them and suggest you don't buy for each other.

I finally persuaded dh to do this last year with his mountain of distant cousins who have kids and it saved us a fortune plus took away the guilt of taking unwanted gifts to the charity shop in the new year.

Notso · 22/10/2016 10:33

I think when it gets to the stage where whole families are only buying from gift lists then that is the time to stop buying presents because it's just become about the stuff and you might as well buy it for yourselves.

Fine to ask for ideas or if someone has got X but otherwise it's ridiculous.

daisypond · 22/10/2016 10:51

I sometimes used to be a bit tearful at the amount my dc accumulated over Christmas from well-meaning friends and relatives - the sheer amount of stuff, some of which they weren't interested in. It all seemed so wasteful.

Several years ago we as a family (by that I mean, aunts, uncles, cousins, on one side of the family) instigated a lucky dip system. All names go in the hat, everyone draws one name out of the hat and buys for that one person only. Everyone buys one thing, everyone gets one thing - and it's from everyone. Kids get stockings, too. We as parents buy one thing for our own children as well.

magratvonlipwig · 22/10/2016 14:35

My kids always wrote a Christmas list. If people asked me I allocated something off the list. If they didn't ask I wouldnt mention it apart from mil who without fail asked me a week before Christmas to get them something from her. so id say... not sure if you have anything in mind but they have given me some ideas!

Keepingitfresh16 · 22/10/2016 14:41

OP I dont think it is rude at all. This is what we do in my family and I never buy presents for niece and nephew without asking.
Sure! There are lots of pretty things I would like to give them but I ask and the mum says they are shorts of tights and socks and colouring pencils so I buy that.
Because it is not about me and being cool auntie. It is about them and they are very grateful of my socks

NEScribe · 22/10/2016 17:33

For years, we have regularly suggested "ideas" to close relatives although one relative always ignores it and buys something which usually costs quite a bit (usually not at all in keeping with what our DC like to have but rather something she would like them to do - eg one year it was a telescope between them for star gazing etc.)
I appreciate she spends more than most but such a pity her gifts are often not really appreciated (although obviously we have DC trained to appear thrilled.) My husband suggested last year that whatever it turned out to be - I say oh what a shame. They have that - do you have the receipt so we can exchange it because it's awful if your money is wasted.
He logically tells me - it means they can return it and get something they would like and means she might be more inclined to ask for suggestions in future.
We'll never know because I just couldn't do it :(

Grandparents are easy though - we offer to shop for them to save them traipsing around the shops. They tell us what they want to spend, we buy and drop off for them to wrap and give at Christmas.

MoveItMoveItMoveIt · 22/10/2016 17:37

To be honest I hate that idea. It's so consumerist. If someone says "what does you child like?" Then obviously guide them but a wedding gift list? It makes me feels a bit nauseous. Are your children incredibly spoilt?

Minaktinga · 22/10/2016 17:37

We have an amazing wish list for our son and ask people to buy from there. I don't think YABU because at least that way DC get what they want. Don't go nuts at anyone who didn't use the list though!!

Maireadplastic · 22/10/2016 17:38

A present is gifted not demanded- I think a Christmas gift list crosses that line.
Amazon is evil.
Just ask for no more presents. Then donate any unwanted gifts to charity shops/freecycle/hospitals.

Minaktinga · 22/10/2016 17:39

Sorry - Amazon. Not Amazing! - although...

JPduck · 22/10/2016 17:55

We use Amazon wish list and it's great. Found it stopped family members continually asking and it went down well. We put a whole price range of items on. Works for most, some people who know Dd better choose themselves.

AuditAngel · 22/10/2016 17:58

Last year DS wanted to go on an expensive school choir trip, he asked his grandmothers to please give him money towards the trip rather than a gift (one always gives cash anyway).

For his birthday, he wanted a laptop computer, we asked the relatives (who always buy gifts, not random ones) if they would please consider giving him money towards this.

He paid for half using his birthday money and some money he had earnt earlier in the year doing a professional show. We paid the other half. It was about double what we would normally spend, but he has already said he only wants a game as his main present for Christmas as he got such a big birthday present.

MyGiddyUncle · 22/10/2016 18:44

I'm another one that really dislikes the idea of giving an actual, written (or online) list. But i'm not a fan of wedding lists either, they make me cringe.

I have no qualms about telling someone/suggesting what to get when they ask though - and the people that buy gifts for the dc (my parents and sisters, DH's parents and brother and their GParents) always tend to chuck in a 'so any ideas...' a while before. I always have a running list in my head of things to suggest for Xmas and Birthdays when asked.

MrsLindor · 22/10/2016 18:51

DD has an Amazon list for Aunties and Uncles etc. who ask what she wants. Grandparents always want to buy something bigger so I ask her to think of a few things in advance ready for being asked. Her Father will ask her directly, again we have a conversation in advance so she asks for something appropriate and she doesn't end up with two of something. She gets a few smaller surprise presents from Grandparents but generally I find people ask and want a list.

Selenatwins · 22/10/2016 18:53

My twins birthday is in December so that coupled with Christmas and my sister and mum etc not having a clue what 10 year old boys want, they always ask for ideas. Sometimes I wish they would just get something random and spontaneous but I know they wouldnt actually know what the boys would be thrilled with, and they want that true excitement on opening. I always allocate my sister the 'cool' thing so she's the 'cool' auntie, or if they're getting a big thing, eg Lego Dimensions last year, an add-on as they see her after Christmas. It works really well as the boys get things they really will play with and use. For other friends/relatives i have a list of about 10 things of varying values that I make sure Santa doesn't bring...

PunkrockerGirl · 22/10/2016 18:56

YANBU
My dc are grown up now so not a problem. But if I'm buying for a young relative, I'd far rather it was something that they actually want, rather than me choosing something they don't like/already got.So tbh, I don't really mind a list.

maninawomansworld01 · 22/10/2016 19:05

Not at all U.

We don't expect anything, the list is a guide to the things they would like as we would rather our families not waste money on things they don't want / won't like / we don't want them to have.

We also have a rule that anything especially large has to be checked out first ( mil learned the hard way after being repeatedly told no trampoline - we said take it back or it's going to charity).

I can see why some would find it rude so maybe you're best placed to judge your own family not a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

Strongmummy · 22/10/2016 19:25

If your children have too much stuff then choose a charity and ask people to donate to that. That's what I do and my son is none the wiser

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