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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to provide a specific gift list for kids Christmas presents

150 replies

ForeverDrowningInClutter · 20/10/2016 19:36

I am incredibly lucky to have the most wonderful and supportive family and friends, for which I am beyond grateful. However, this also means lots of gifts for my kids at Christmas (most of the a fore mentioned family and friends love buying gifts as much as I do - I'd rather give than receive any day!).
My kids have so much stuff that I feel quite overwhelmed by all the things in our house - most of the toys of which my kids don't even play with. I find it hard to keep our house tidy.
Would I be unreasonable to provide a wedding gift list style list of suggestions to people kind enough to want to buy presents? Would that be considered rude?

OP posts:

Haudyerwheesht · 20/10/2016 22:57

If someone asks you could give an idea specific to them. Eg my mum asked and is getting Dd an our generation doll. If my sister asks I'll suggest some craft stuff, if sil asks I'll probably suggest shopkins and so on and so on

SueTrinder · 20/10/2016 22:59

Another Amazon wish list user here. My entire family have wishlists, I can get them all things they want and they get me/the kids things we want. DH refused to partake in this very sensible tradition and consequently pisses off my family. I now put things I think he'll like on his list. His family know about my lists and his parents usually buy me a book from my list, his sister refuses to buy from wishlists and every year buys me a nick-nack for the house. I am not a nick-nacky person, I am a bottle of gin and good book person. Guess where her presents end up.

Scuttlebutter · 20/10/2016 23:10

DH's family use lists - it's an excellent idea. In general it's a flexible guide rather than a commandment, and doesn't preclude "off list" gifts, so there is still an element of surprise. But for instance if I am buying fragrance for MIL (something she enjoys as a treat) I'd much rather get the right one, so the list is really useful.

Like others, I see no point in wasting money, time or effort in buying the wrong thing.

We don't have DC ourselves and it's been very useful at times to get a steer from parents on what DNs are into - it can change so rapidly.

SE13Mummy · 21/10/2016 01:02

I agree with those who say that providing a list without first being asked for ideas is impolite. We've been using www.whattogive.com for about 11 years. It means we can add ideas to it as and when we think of them but, crucially, that items can be specific or just vague 'DD2 would like arts and crafts bits and bobs'. Our siblings use it for their families too which is incredibly useful as we don't often see them at their homes so don't know what they've got/are into.

LucyBabs · 21/10/2016 01:10

I don't thinkop is saying she wants to send a list to any old randomer who might like to buy her dc a present wtf

I will suggest to the people who buy my dc birthday and Christmas parents what my dc might like or need.. What's the problem? It wouldn't bother me if a good friend or family members asked me to buy a particular gift for their dc. I'd rather the dc enjoy the present

Scrumptiousbears · 21/10/2016 01:29

Before I had children I'd have loved a list from my friends. They would say "any usual stuff for an x year old" to me this meant nothing. I didn't have a clue what an x year old was into.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 21/10/2016 02:37

If people ask give them a list of ideas but don't be super specific and make sure you include lower price range items so they don't feel obliged to spend more than they were planning.

In the past week I've had 3 family members asking for ideas for DD. I sent them a list of ideas. Eg: she likes Littlest Pet Shop, Shopkins and has mentioned she would like to read the Diary of wimpy kid books. I was thinking of getting her a beanbag as it would be useful Etc. Etc.

That way thay can pick up something cheaper (book under £5 or smaller Shopkins set) but could also chose to buy something more expensive (full book set or bigger playset)

I think after a couple of years you also get to know who likes ideas and who doesn't. DM/SF and PIL don't like ideas and love picking stuff out themselves. SIL, my aunt/ uncle, cousins and DB like a list of ideas. I still always wait on them asking first though.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/10/2016 02:39

It's fine if you are asked, as pp have said. It's bloody rude if it's unsolicited

I agree with this.

CakeThat · 21/10/2016 08:09

We always email a list to DHs family, but this was originally instigated by them. We even put links to websites and the prices! Mil then emails the list around her family. However we always make it clear that this is a guide, they don't have to buy from the list if they don't want to and we never include £££ presents. They always do choose things from the list and they love how easy it is and they love to be able to get the children presents they actually want. Works for us. I wouldn't do it if it offended them though but I would have expected most grandparents to want to buy presents the children like.

Witchend · 21/10/2016 09:50

If they ask then it's fine to give ideas. But I think you need to give a few ideas and some not specific (ie craft items) to cover a range of prices. Some people like an idea, but like to choose (I do) but some people like to know exactly.
If you send out the "some people have been asking, so here is a list" firstly you're then at risk of either getting multiple of one present, or asking them to chase around themselves to check no one else has got it.
Secondly, having received exactly that, it is very rude, and we were all somewhat annoyed by it. Not to mention that actually none of us had asked plus the gifts were precise down to where to get the from and catalogue number and none of the ideas were under £50, which was about 5x what we normally spent (most of us were students at the time except the couple who sent it, who were both working) and between 25x and 10x what they ever spent on anyone else...

FuckThatToOneSide · 21/10/2016 10:01

Have only scanned the thread, but we do lists for the whole of one side of our family (my DH's) - adults and children. That's how they've always done it I think and it's actually really helpful if I don't know what to buy someone. We all tend to buy one thing off the list and then choose something else as well (and provide a gift receipt). In my own family it used to be that we all just chose things for each other and pretended to like whatever it was! Some family members got really offended if anything had to be returned, even if it didn't fit or something. Was a bit silly. Now I ask what people would like and they usually give me some ideas and then sometimes ask me what I'd like. I don't ask them with the expectation they will ask me back btw it just tends to happen that way. It's a lot more sensible if I'm honest. Again I always choose a little thing as well so it's a bit more personal.

Sorry, that's a lot of info you probably don't need! Anyway, I wouldn't make a list and hand it out without being asked first. I'd ask people what they and their children might like and then wait to be asked yourself. If you are, I'd give an idea or two to each person rather than a massive list which could cone across as grabby. The other thing might be mentioning politely and in an unassuming way, what your children definitely have enough of.

PerspicaciaTick · 21/10/2016 10:12

In our house, DCs write letters to Santa. I intercept letters and use them for ideas when relatives ask for them. I have to do all the co-ordination, making sure items are easy for elderly relatives to source.
It works well.

FuckThatToOneSide · 21/10/2016 10:12

Also agree with pps that it's better to make vague suggestions rather than being too specific, and no £££ items (though we sometimes say voucher towards a £££ item if it's something we're saving for).

3awesomestars · 21/10/2016 10:17

Some of my children's best presents over the years have come from people who have used their own personal originality and bought things that we would never have thought of, I never tell people what to buy my children and I never ask anyone else. I try to buy individual presents and avoid plastic tat as much as possible.

I love the chance that someone will find something we love or that the kids love that we would never have asked for because we didn't know about it, or wouldn't have chose it.

The successes outweigh the things they don't like /use, yes, of course there has been some stuff they haven't liked and if people don't want to or can't buy a gift that's fine too.

If someone shoved a descriptive list in front of my face I wouldn't be offended but I wouldn't buy anything off it 😃

KellyBoo800 · 21/10/2016 10:20

Agree with PP's on amazon wishlists. I have one for my DSD of stuff that she has asked for, and when family members have asked what she would like for Christmas I have just told them that actually I have a wishlist for the things DH and I will be getting her, and that they're more than welcome to get her something off of that as we won't be getting her everything! All of them have loved the idea.

I've also rather cheekily got a wishlist of things that I would like for my birthday and christmas (days apart!) that I have sent to my DH, which he has also shared with my mum. If people want to buy me something, I'd rather they spend their hard earned money on something I want (the most expensive item in a list of about 30 things is only £30 so my DH definitely doesn't think I'm being grubby......I hope!)

Leopard12 · 21/10/2016 10:28

Yes please, for birthdays too, my nephew recently had his 4th birthday loads of parents friends and sil has a big family so he had so so many toys and ripped them all open when his parents were in another room so couldn't even stop him from opening duplicates, we asked for ideas and they said don't get anything but feel like we can't not get anything, Next time we might ask to put something in their savings account instead.

Ohdearducks · 21/10/2016 12:44

If they have so much already why do they need more? Just decline politely and let them know the children have more than enough.

Blondeandinept · 21/10/2016 12:49

To friend? Absolutely not
To family, absolutely.

I do it, it is brilliant.

My friends are all parents themselves and know the score. No tat, quality presents that last and are enjoyed. Family have less of an idea so really appreciate it.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/10/2016 12:50

would you be happy for the children to be taken out eg ice skating rather than a gift? three sisters I know were more than happy with that as a 'gift' from my DB and SIL to them one Christmas - one sister is DB's goddaughter, they got small presents as well but this was a big treat/present.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 21/10/2016 12:52

My DS has an Amazon list but in general I let people buy what they want unless they ask.

Lazyafternoon · 21/10/2016 12:53

On MN the general consensus seems to be the opinion that gift lists are rude and grabby.

Personally I disagree. I hate waste. I'd much rather buy someone what the want than some random crap that they don't really want. We all do lists in our family, even the adults, and it really really help. There's no expectation to stick to the list and going 'off list' if someone sees something else they think we'll like then that's fine!!

I agree with Beans in that sending out a list (love the idea of 'some of you have been asking...' ) with general ideas that are easy to buy (not stuff that is the latest 'thing' and impossible to get hold of) and making sure that they are all things very reasonably within the expected budget. Don't put stuff on there for £60 if up to £10 is all they'd normally spend.

Also, only send it to close family. Don't go sending it to all and sundry in the hope of getting more presents!

ILoveDolly · 21/10/2016 12:58

I create a list of ideas on amazon and then send it if I'm asked what the kids like. I make it big with things for different budgets. Relatives often lose track of the kids interests so it might be helpful. I don't care if they then buy "off list"

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/10/2016 12:59

We have the annual effort of coming up with lists to match each side of the family's budget.

I'd much rather people just chose a gift that they liked and wanted to give.

I also love buying & giving gifts and find it quite depressing to have to buy a specific thing for nieces and nephews. Part of the fun of Christmas shopping is in the choosing.

stealthsquiggle · 21/10/2016 13:05

Amazon lists are good, IMHO. You can mention in passing that the DC have been having great fun coming up with their wish lists - or email if you feel able to. I find lists very useful for nieces, god children, etc - even if I then choose to go "off list" it gives some ideas about what the DC are into.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/10/2016 13:07

Don't make a list OP, it could so easily be misinterpreted.

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