To have a strict routine for Dcs

[GonicaMeller]

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

I can't put my finger on it but like a few other posters I'm also finding the way you respond really odd at times.

I am having a conversation but it's upsetting when people criticise you for things toy are not guilty of. We spend plenty of time together doing things yet people have decided we don't, that I don't cook and that I'm not English!

Also a lot of people have misread my replies. I don't think that's my fault. I'm not here to argue and I have said I'm going to lighten up.

People haven't decided you don't cook, I think they are suggesting you all cook or bake something together one evening as a kind of hobby?

You could get a teen to bake or cook something with you every other week so they learn other things that just school homework

You could, but with respect Art and I do mean that, why have people decided they don't?

I am not trying to be rude or start a row but I do feel as if people have just decided we are dysfunctional or something, that is how it feels.

OP I think that maybe you're painting a more bleak picture of your home life than the reality, maybe because you're just talking about one part of it.

But, I have to ask- do your children really have no interests? What do they do at the weekend? You seem quite accepting at the idea that all they do is homework eat and sleep.

Matching, it isn't that they have no interests exactly but they don't do much in the week due to time constraints and due to money.

It is different at the weekend. DD rides and does drama on Saturday, DS skis and swims. But in the week they don't do much. I thought that was normal. Maybe not. But it would be difficult negotiating things without leaving one child alone for a chunk of time not too bad for DS but DD - not sure. She's only just 11.

Going anywhere between the hours of 3 and 6 round here is pointless the traffic is horrendous! And it's dark at 6!

Gosh OP, you're having a really hard time here on this supposedly supportive forum.

So, it sounds like the laundry is absolutely a big deal and I completely empathise. Getting clothes washed and dried in a house without central heating must be a nightmare (and fucking fuck off to the far side of fuck off to the poster who made the snippy riverbank comment). They need an "after school" outfit they change into after uniform. My mum was insistent on this; keeps school clothes clean and spares decent clothes for best.

With the homework it totally sounds like you have high expectations of your children and high aspirations for their futures. Good on you. I agree that time tabling 'homework' time can be really useful, but maybe some flexibility in the days they do this and the weekend would be helpful? They need free time, they need the brain space created by doing nothing (but not all of the time).

It sounds like the school aren't stretching your children. Have you contacted them to explain your concerns that the homework isn't challenging enough? Would you like me to suggest some resources you could use to set own work / study time (if you have computer at home?). I'm a secondary teacher.

Nothing wrong with your dinner time, totally reasonable. Maybe having it at 6 would enable kids to work 5-6, and thus have a little break / play out etc?

Hope that helps and I'm sorry so many responses were so fucking snotty.

That sounds like a nice weekend

I don't think everyone does an activity in the evening, but generally teens watch a bit of TV and change clothes (I know you said you were going to reconsider that though)

Ok I've 2 children similar ages, 11 in year 7 and year 9 just turned 14. The 14 yr old is a night owl and will happily stay up to 10 but accepts that an earlier bedtime is helpful. The 11 yr old still gets overtired if he goes to bed at 8:30 every night so we have to be careful to let him catch up. Both are VERY hungry by 4 pm and need an afternoon snack with a more substantial meal later on. Timing is dependent on their other activities.

Your older child will at some point start needing more homework time and perhaps need to break it up (maybe not this year, maybe some time next year) - but they should be capable of working out where that fits.

Agree with those who say a change of clothes after school is a great idea - one set of casual clothes through the week might do it and they can get cleaned on the weekends or whenever. Relax things a little bit and work out with them what time works best for dinner, then help them adjust their own routines to suit. Supporting a routine great, imposing what you think works without consulting them - they're old enough to be ready to move on for that. Good luck!

5.30 is fine to eat, 9 is great for bedtime. Eventually when older then can have room time at 9 with lights off later. Good you get an hour to yourself 9-10

My DS comes straight in from school and sits around in his pyjamas and dressing gown for the rest of the day. He's warm and comfortable and it doesn't generate any extra washing. (Mine were doing their own washing by year 9....)

It sounds very regimented and a bit dull, to be honest.

Is there no room for spontaneity? If your DD wanted to stay out later, would she be allowed, or would she have to be home for dinner at a certain time?

Thing is OP you do have a bit of an odd posting style.

Very staccato sentences. Provide the minimum of information. Blood out of a stone. Sounds like you do nothing. People have to fill the gaps. Then you get offended at assumptions. Complain about that. Only just now provide the missing detail.

Do you see? It's all a bit robotic.

If you want a chattier discussion OP, you need to set the tone yourself. People respond better to a poster who converses in a more fluent -and human- way.

I have two DC in year 9 and 7 too. If no after school clubs they tend to chill for a bit when they get in. Definitely change out of school clothes, the day is long enough as it is and home is a place to relax. They may or may not do homework after tea. Some nights they do 2 or 3'pieces, other nights none. They often have clubs to go to anyway so there's no rigidity as long as it's done to a decent standard on time and so far they're both doing well in top sets. They do have to learn self sufficiency and time management I feel, although year 7 DC does need more prompting.
DC1 goes to bed at 10pm, screens off but can read for 30 mins (rarely does). DC2 lights out 9.30pm.
Yes I do think you're too strict.

How is it rude for me to have asked that when your posting style is so weird?

Kodi with exodus on a laptop costs nothing and you have all kinds of films and programmes at your fingertips.

Bear in mind we are only going off what you post, and if multiple posters are drawing the same conclusions that might give some indication that they either a) have a point, or b) you aren't getting yours across very well. It's also a thread with a lot of posts and it's not always clear who you are replying to, especially with such short answers.

Genuine question - what did you want to get from posting? You don't seem particularly receptive to suggestions.

They can have mates round after 6, surely?

And again. No harm. But I'd prioritise a tumble drier or drying at a laundrette over skiing and riding

You know not everyone has room for a tumble drier? This thread is horrible.

You have been given ideas that are free, and can be done from home. You choose to ignore.

Or a service dry at a laundrette. Or a combo washer drier.