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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a strict routine for Dcs

240 replies

GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 16:44

DS is year 9, DD year 7.

They come in at 4. They have to do their homework then. We eat at half five. Then they are allowed to watch TV, go on phones etc.

They have to wear their uniforms I can't cope with extra washing, obviously I let them loosen their top button take ties off etc.

DD thinks I am too strict, am I? They go to bed at 9.

OP posts:
Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 18:32

DDs library in school is,open til 4.45 I just asked her

Artandco · 17/10/2016 18:33

It just sounds so joyless and rigid. Cost doesn't have to stop everything

You could all go for a walk after school to a park or similar, take a flask of hot chocolate, chat about their day

You could all take up jogging local park run, free and could all jog together 20 mins early evening.

4-4.30pm couldnyou not all just chill at home. Make everyone some warm drinks now winters coming, a snack, sit around the table and Chat about their day.

Could you encourage them to invite friends over once a week to watch a film with some cheap popcorn?

Can you make dinner an hour or so later so you can then do dinner more relaxed and whilst they do homework? So you prep dinner and can chat whilst they work so you oversea but not ontop of them?

9pm does seem early. I understand you say you sleep in living room, but can you say your would like 9-10pm as a chilled relaxing time but they are welcome to get pjs on and relax with you and watch something or play a game with you. Hot chocolate etc

Artandco · 17/10/2016 18:34

I would also say they can wear what they like, but need to rewear jumper and trousers if no dirt on due to laundry space. Get them to help with chores and laundry

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 18:38

Well, they are 13 and 11, not 3 and 1 :)

School library won't be open until 5.

OP posts:
ethelb · 17/10/2016 18:39

Right OP, they need to do their own laundry. You obviously can't cope is jeans taking a long time to dry is more than you can handle.

You are being very controlling and failing to let them develop into competent adults. You have bed and meal times for small children. It is really weird.

Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 18:39

How does your house get heated?

Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 18:40

There is something really odd in how you are replying. Is English your first language?

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 18:43

Yes, English is my first language. I don't think I sound odd, but that sounds quite rude to me.

Kids are hungry by half five. I ate at between half five and six as a teen. I don't see why it's so odd.

They aren't necessarily asleep by 9 but in bed. Why is that so wrong? Happy to concede I'm being uptight about clothes and homework but I'm baffled with the meal.

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 17/10/2016 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 18:44

Going to the park with hot chocolate is more something for tiny children not teenagers.

OP posts:
Artandco · 17/10/2016 18:47

Go - is it? I go to the park with Dh and hot chocolate. I don't mean a playpark with swings, I mean a park to walk in, or woods, or moor or beach or hill, or whatever is where you live. An hours winter walk, stopping to warm up and chatting is lovely

LadyintheRadiator · 17/10/2016 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Artandco · 17/10/2016 18:49

We use to walk in the woods a few times a week as teenagers with my dad. Go home and all have hot soup. ( don't live near woods now hence park it is)

OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 18:49

What would they like to do, if you asked them?

Scouts and Guides or local community centre type youth clubs are often more affordable, and can often help with fees etc if finances are an issue.

5.30 is really quite early for dinner, at least by adult standards. And they're getting closer to being adults. But think the mealtime is a bit of a red-herring, it's just one of the things you seem to make a big deal of being strict on.

PinkissimoAndPearls · 17/10/2016 18:49

You're picking on one suggestion when there has been lots of helpful ones like Parkrun.

Activities don't have to cost money. We watch Masterchef together, assuming you have a TV licence there might be something similar? Or Netflix if you can afford it, for £6 a month.

Even going to the supermarket to do weekly shop, give them a budget for their food and let them pick it.

Pokemon Go? There's loads to do with younger teens.

Optimist3 · 17/10/2016 18:50

9 is fine bed time wise.

I would let them get changed into a tracksuit if they wanted to. Also I'd ask them to write their own homework timetable (time/subject/day) and organise themselves.

Probably one of the most helpful things you could do academically is ask them to read before bed. Half an hour of what ever they want to read.

Also ask them to think about any interests they would like to persue some evenings.

PinkissimoAndPearls · 17/10/2016 18:50

Baking or cooking, it's food you would have any and teaches useful skills. You could have a GBBO type bake off once a week?

cricketqueen · 17/10/2016 18:53

I get that you are wanting to do what's best for your kids and that money is tight but look at the bigger picture. They are at secondary school, in 4 years your eldest could be at university, you can't control them then. Give them some control, tell them you want homework done by X time, clothes hung up etc but don't dictate every minute of their lives. Get them doing something, invite friends over, go to the park just something!! Being a teenager is great in a lot of ways, it's the best time for socialising, formulating opunions, less stress etc. If you carry on in this way they will rebel, I know I would have done.

Thefishewife · 17/10/2016 18:53

Homework done ASAP is a good habit to get into but let them Change

We wear Jammies unless going out

Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 18:54

No, not rude. Some people mistook year 7 and year 9 for 7 and 9.

It isn't just money. It's time. I could not run the length of myself but the point is getting there costs and getting back costs, but I can see the thread which started off helpfully is becoming unpleasant - because I might not be English?

OP posts:
Original poster
GonicaMeller · 17/10/2016 18:54

And I don't know why people think I don't cook but whatever :)

OP posts:
SauvignonPlonker · 17/10/2016 18:57

OP, in the kindest possibly way: you've asked if YABU, the vast majority are saying yes, sand giving suggestions to try.

And you're giving rude, snippy responses. Why bother asking?

PinkissimoAndPearls · 17/10/2016 18:57

It's nothing to do with you possibly not being English Hmm

It's to do with the fact people are engaging and taking time to make suggestions, you however aren't engaging you're just making terse replies and pretty much everything you say is negative.

The suggestion about cooking was that you could do a bake off style competition once a week - my teens love it so I thought I would suggest it as you yourself said the kids do no activities.

I'll save my breath however and find a thread where the OP actually engages in a conversation.

cricketqueen · 17/10/2016 18:58

Your style of writing is very short, if you get what I mean. More common with people who are writing in a second language, no one was trying to be rude. You sound very down tbh and so focused on education that you are not seeing your children's overall happiness. Money doesn't make memories but neither does homework, tea and bed. Don't water these last few years pushing your kids, if they want to learn they will but it's not something that can be forced.

cricketqueen · 17/10/2016 19:00

*waste not water ffs

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