To think this is VERY weird behaviour?

[fruitysmoothie]

PLEASE READ

I apologise in advance as this is a MIL and partly FIL thread!! I just have to get this of my chest!!

I'm so sick of feeling like there are 4 people in my marriage :(

Basically, MIL FaceTimes consistently everyday whilst my DH makes tea (he cooks most meals, I do majority of housekeeping as I'm rubbish at cooking). She literally is propped up in the kitchen watching him make tea, then she wants to speak to my DD, so all in all about a 30min video call, this is EVERYDAY and can often sometimes be more than once! It doesn't matter where we are either, we can be in Tesco and she'll FaceTime and then we will say 'we're just shopping at the moment' but she'll be like 'there's wifi isn't there'?! An example of this was the other day, we were waiting for a taxi and she FaceTimed, the taxi arrived, DH said he had to go because the taxi was here, she said 'you can still speak whilst your in a taxi'?! Well NO, no we cannot, we would like to run our errands in peace (or at least I would)! DH doesn't see a problem with this level of daily communication.... AIBU?

Then there is the CONSTANT asking for my DD to stay overnight.... my DD is 4 and has just started school... now, I wouldn't have a problem with this BUT we live 100 miles away and we DONT drive so basically, if anything happened to my daughter I have NO way of getting there and even if I did find a way, it would take an hour and a half to do so (3 hours and £80 later on a train) and at 4 years old, I'm just not keen on that idea.... plus when she did used to have her when we lived in the same town she did not follow any of my instructions in regards to DD.... I'm not comfortable with it at all quite frankly and so I have said no, maybe when she's a little older etc.... but because my DH doesn't have a problem with her going (which is fine, he's entitled to his own opinion) she deliberately talks to him when I'm not there, piling on the pressure, making plans behind my back which I just think is so so rude and sneaky. I'd say she starts banging on about it at least once a month and this has been for at least a year now it's bad enough that she won't take no for an answer but he sneakiness is just not on.... AIBU?

Then, I found out, when I was at the height of a previous mental illness (severe anxiety) and was actually having a panic attack, she was talking to DH and instead of offering support for him and me, you know like 'if you need to talk' or 'if you need to have an hour to yourself' blah blah blah... well instead of that, she basically was talking to him about maybe leaving me?! Bearing in mind we've been together for 6 years, happily married AND i stood by him through two separate addictions?! During which she was nowhere to be seen! In fact, she chucked him out?! So to find this out I was massively upset, disgusted rather... AIBU?

And to top everything off DH FIL rings MULTIPLE times a day?! Yes, multiple! On an average day he'll ring around 8am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm (this is a FaceTime call) and sometimes 10pm.... basically, he asks the same thing in each of these phone calls and it goes as follows -

What's the weather like?
What have you had for tea?
What are you having for tea?
Have you been out?
Are you going out?
How much did that cost?
Where's DGD?
Put DGD on?
What time were you up?

AIBU to think his level of contact each and everyday is excessive and unhealthy? AIBU to feel like I don't want DH parents to know the ins and outs of our daily life? AIBU to want some privacy? Especially when shopping, getting in a car, walking around town or eating my tea?! My husband doesn't see a problem with it which has in turn caused problems between us recently, in fact, we had a blazing row about his mum on Friday we hardly ever row but when we do, it tends to be about this same situation... I have gone from absolutely loving his mum to still loving her but resenting her and not enjoying time spent with her knowing what she has said and knowing what that she will try and pressure me in regards to DD....

AIBU to just want a glass of ?!

Goodness, I feel so so ashamed for feeling like this, the guilt is eating me up but I'm just so fed up of course, I love them all but blimey, they are driving me NUTS!!

Italian, you literally have summed my feelings up in a nutshell in regards to the Christmas/Birthday/Easter scenarios!

Just another cheeky suggestion but if you're off the brave persuasion you could stroll though the room he's facetiming on naked

Magik - I wouldn't have the balls!!

Not quite as drastic as Magik's suggestion but MiL went through a phase of wanting long weekend Skype sessions just watching the children play or have breakfast...I used to take full advantage by hiding in the bedroom, having a lie in. Once they got to the stage of being excessive and intrusive on our life however, I took to appearing in my pyjamas, awkwardly manoeuvring so that I appeared on camera as little as possible, but enough to make it clear I was uncomfortable, to fetch some essential item from the room. At the same time I cheerily said hello and apologised for my state of undress but I did need to get on with xyz. It worked and Sunday mornings are our own again.

That's a good idea swirling, I might start doing that! As of now, we are still being given the silent treatment so no calls!! It's a shame she's being like this but, at the same time, I'm not going to complain about not having loads of calls! FIL has made up for her absence though

fruitysmoothie, thank you, we dont speak to her anymore, or my Hubbys brothers or sister. I had HER wedding, she tottaly took it over, I ended up changing it 3 times, loosing deposits, sent out 2 lots of invites, she invited people, did the same with my sons wedding 7 years ago, THEN didnt turn up at the ceremony which was held up for her. He is from my first marriage, and hadnt even seen MAL since our wedding, she was nasty told lots of lies (including saying SHE did attend the Wedding) got nasty e-mails from her sister who lives abroad, saying I was lying, SHE told lots of lies, when I said they werent true was accused of trying to make out she had dementia! His relatives ganged up on me, (though they NEVER had a good word to say for her) so my Hubby told them all to go forth and multiply, and we havent spoken since, should have done it years ago!! Oh, folk, say its the MIL being possessive of her son, not in this case, she walked out on her kids (he was 7) went off with another man.

Nannybeach, that all sounds just awful...

UPDATE -

A few days ago, after writing this thread and seeing the responses I text MIL explaining that DD wouldn't be staying over night until I felt comfortable with the idea and asked that she politely stop asking all the time and that I will let her know when I'm happy for DD to stay the night etc, I did it all ever so politely and as nicely as possible... well she flew if the handle calling me ridiculous so I ignored her and as DH didn't want to get involved he decided to not answer her calls that day.

WELL everything came to a head the other night, MASSIVELY!! Me and MIL ended up having a blazing row because she phoned up DH saying things like 'oh, so your allowed to talk to me now' and stupid stuff like that (just to be clear, I've never stopped him speaking to her, it was his choice not to answer her calls because he didn't want to get involved). So I flipped because she had said the same thing the day before over Facebook and DH had clearly stated I had not stopped her talking to him and that he just didn't want to get involved. So anyway, I took the phone and said can you just stop with the 'oh your allowed to talk to me now' routine as it's doing my head in and she starts hauling abuse at me down the phone!! She called me a two faced cow, mentally unstable (because I had panic attacks last year due to anxiety), that I tell DH what to do and what not to do, that DD is a 'poor child' because I discipline her and put her in time out (apparently I'm to strict, several people including myself beg to differ), that I'm a bad mum, a lazy arse (even though I'm studying for a degree in Theology and have been training for a 5K) and many more abusive things... I should add, I got SO angry that I did call her a bitch in the end because I'd just had enough of her, it's been building up for so long that I just lost it I'm not proud of myself and I shouldn't have let anger get the better of me!!! I did also fire back after she called me a bad mum

I am absolutely heart broken, I feel so so low and am starting to question and doubt many things about myself. I know a lot of what she said probably isn't true but still, it hurts so bad DH didn't really stick up for me either which made me incredibly sad, he apparently 'didn't want to get involved' but IMO, when your mother is shouting abhorrent abuse at your wife I expect you to step up and tell her she has crossed a line DH has since apologised and said he understands he should of stuck up for me but he hates confrontation etc but I've told him it just CANNOT happen again, I need to feel supported by him and I need to know he's got my back

As it stands, at this moment in time, I've told DH I don't want his mother at this house for a while or to be in any kind of contact with me, I'm furious and can't believe she would say such awful things

AIBU?

Really need a

Even though MIL has been awful it's still horrible when these almighty blow ups happen isn't it

Hope DH backs you up and you can implement a "normal" level of contact in the future.

Here - have a . You need it.

Your DH is majorly at fault in all this. He buried his head in the sand, and still wants to by the sounds of it.

If my MIL said anything like that about me I'd have done a lot worse than call her a bitch. And my MIL is largely ok!

It sure is RandomMess and yes, let's hope so

Magik, you are right, DH does have a big part to play in this, I feel that he should of supported me from day one regardless of his opinion, we have always been a united front, I just don't know what went wrong this time he seems remorseful and I've made it clear I won't put up with it so hopefully things will change in the future....

And thanks for the

I hope he realises that when you say she's not to be at your house, you also mean on facetime etc

Btw the reason you're feeling bad about it is most likely because you're a decent person. Your MIL - I would lay bets on her not feeling bad about it at all.

Your DH is likely to get flying monkeys though, he needs to shore himself up for those or you'll end up in the same place.

Magik - I hope so... I'm so sick of the whole situation, it's so childish and ridiculous hopefully this is a means to an end because I can't carry on like this, it's just so hostile

Good for you fruity! Perhaps it's just what Mil needs, and perhaps she will behave in a more reasonable way in future now she knows you are willing to stand up to her.

Cant believe your dh just stood by though, that's really awful and must have been hurtful.

It was extremely hurtful winewolf I just hope he means it when he says it won't happen again

When the facetiming starts up again I would seriously ask - "Would you like to watch us having sex when we're next TTC?"

Hahahahhaha!! RandomMess I REALLY wish I had the balls, that would be hilarious!

Perhaps you need to point out to DH that your sex life is the ONLY think his Mum doesn't have in depth party to (well she may even ask about that I guess )

She hasn't as of yet thank goodness!! Can you imagine?!

Yanbu about any of this. You will have flying monkeys creeping round telling you how upset mil is, so talk to your DH and let him know how hurt you are that he didn't stick up for you, how invaded and stifled you feel by the constant calls/FaceTime and how you would like it reduced to a manageable amount eg twice a week, not 6 times a day. It's ridiculous and I think your DH has been disgraceful in not supporting you in this all.

I phone my parents once a week max and they don't hear private stuff or demand to FaceTime me whilst I'm shopping! It's ridiculous, the amount they contact you mad mil can frankly fuck off with her demands for your DD to stay. NO. Easy word to keep repeating, don't explain, just say NO. So cross on your behalf.

Glad you lost it and told her where to Fuck off. It seems subtlety doesn't work on your il laws so hey ho. It's not nice to lose it but sometimes when u have all these pent up feelings, it's great to just let it all out.

Now it's all out in the open, it's ur husband's prob to deal with not yours. You don't need MIL as she is of no help to you and is not a positive influence in ur life so don't stress yourself. Move on. Take ur DD out and have fun. It's going to wind her up which is so satisfying.

Bloody hell, she sounds like a controlling, toxic witch. Yadnbu

Thank you cherrysoup and yes, I think DH realises just how upset I am about all of this now, I blooming hope so anyway because I can't go through all of this again I don't want to see or hear of her right now and probably for a long time to come, the things she has said are disgusting and all because she couldn't take no for an answer

Ummizoomi you are right! Although I feel terrible for letting lose I do feel like a weight has been lifted

Thank you toujeoqueen

Can I just say, thank you to every single one of you who has commented on this thread and supported me through this, it's been a massive help and I really mean that.
and and to you all