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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:

teacher54321 · 16/10/2016 06:47

You're being a bit unfair if you go to your family every single Christmas Day for Christmas dinner and don't want your in laws to pop over for an hour in the morning...

Lilaclily · 16/10/2016 06:50

I agree, they come in the morning because you spend every Christmas dinner with your parents

Why don't you change things and say we'd rather not have the early start but come to ours for Christmas dinner ?

anyoldname76 · 16/10/2016 06:51

yanbu at all. yes i think Christmas is for family but Christmas morning is special and i wouldn't want extra people there while we opened presents etc.
i do think you all should be spending more time with your dh family though, it is a bit unfair on them considering how much time you spend with your family

takesnoprisoners · 16/10/2016 06:53

YABU. Spending every Christmas with your parents are OK but an hour on Christmas day with the In laws takes away your precious family time??? Come on!

KC225 · 16/10/2016 06:56

What does your husband say about going to your family every Christmas but not having his father over for a couple of hours. Surely, to be fair if his family aren't allowed then you should be staying at home for Christmas dinner.

Can you not just lay down some ground rules as they arrive. Announce you or DH are doing the presents, no opening them, let's the kids do it themselves type of thing, no unexpected guests. Quite frankly, I think a lot of parents sound appreciate someone sitting on the floor putting toys together, I know I would.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/10/2016 06:56

So it's ok to spend part of the day with your family, but DH's family should be relegated to Christmas Eve or Boxing Day?

How is that fair?

Why not just ask them to come over a bit later - or - do alternate years? One year you spend the whole day with your family, and the next year, the whole day with his family.

luckylucky24 · 16/10/2016 06:57

I understand you don't want them there when opening presents but if it is the only time they can see you then YABU. Could you delay them by half an hour and get the kids to start before they arrive?

MrEBear · 16/10/2016 06:59

How about arranging a time later in the day, on their way back from the beach? Giving you some time with the kids to open presents.

I can't say I would be that comfy with extra people in my house on Christmas morning. Although there seems to be a train of thought on here that GP's have a right to appear first thing in the morning at both Christmas & birthdays and mums are selfish for suggesting otherwise which I find bazaar.
In my head thing in the morning is for parents, grandparents have had their chance. When I'm a grandparent i will not be expecting to be there for those moments.

user1474781546 · 16/10/2016 07:00

YABU to use the word "hubby".

buttercup15 · 16/10/2016 07:11

I'm not saying this is a reverse but I can imagine the argument if it was the other way round. If you went to DHs parents every year for xmas and then he told you that your DPs weren't allowed to visit on xmas morning for an hour or two.

I agree it's not fair for the FIL to take over present opening. Also that is early to have visitors and it probably does impact on your enjoyment of the day. Can you ask for them to come and visit after they've been to their swim, late morning before lunch? If you're not cooking and your parents are only down the road then presumably you'd have time then. That way they still get to see the DCs but the main bits of present opening will be over by then.

I can see how your DH's family could feel a bit pushed out by yours TBH.

snapcrap · 16/10/2016 07:12

YABU for using the word hubby x 2

Believeitornot · 16/10/2016 07:14

These oeople are your husbands parents.

Also you let you fil take over? You don't have to do presents his way although my dcs wouldn't wait until 8am

heron98 · 16/10/2016 07:16

Yab very u. They're family. They want to spend time with your kids.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2016 07:17

8am is very early. If you want to it to change, you need to sort out a better time on Christmas Day. It's not fair for your parents to systematically have access to your children on Christmas Day and not the other grandparents.

aVastBehind · 16/10/2016 07:17

Get the kids up earlier or do presents first thing. Our house looks like a wrapping paper bomb has hit it by 8am. We have breakfast afterwards.

Maybe this would work for you. You are being a little unreasonable, but I wouldn't like it either.

WordGetsAround · 16/10/2016 07:18

Seeing his dad fortnightly and his mother every few months is hardly not seeing them much! It sounds completely normal! I can't believe you all see your family every Saturday - sounds way too intense!

Bruce02 · 16/10/2016 07:18

Can we stop berating people for using the word hubby? It's not my favourite either, but it's just downright nasty to only reply to tell the OP she shouldn't use it. She can use whatever word she wants.

Op I think yabu, you spend every Christmas with your family.

Personally, when my parents come round early on Christmas, we put opening our presents on hold. Let them open the presents from their grandparents and play/build them. Have some breakfast and resume opening ours when then are gone. I have a six year old and a 12 year old we have always done that, since they were young.

Also I would love someone to help build all the crap on Christmas morning. I hate it. Last year we got everything our for ds and built it on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning was far lovelier.

sykadelic · 16/10/2016 07:28

My DH's family has a schedule that I either needed to fit into, or be left out of.

I assume the OP's family is much the same. Why should her children miss out on her family's Christmas dinner just because his family doesn't actually have official plans? They shouldn't. His family's only schedule is a Christmas swim at the beach, and they live 30 mins away. There is nothing stopping the OP (and of course her DH) from actually setting a schedule for HER family that works for them.

In our case, Christmas Eve lunch is at his grandmothers house, Christmas lunch is at his parents house. Therefore, our schedule, as we will have a child this year, is to have Christmas morning as just DH, baby and I and the other plans will stand.

OP if I were you I would tell all of your family, DH's and yours, that it's time you set a structure for the kids and that structure will include Christmas morning as just you and the kids, dinner with your parents, and something else for DH's family (I would suggest Christmas Eve dinner).

Good luck!

user1476140278 · 16/10/2016 07:29

OP just be firm and tell them "This year we thought it would be nice if instead of coming over on Christmas morning, you came on Christmas Eve for a special supper and help them to hang up their stockings."

Or similar.

FleurThomas · 16/10/2016 07:29

You are being very unreasonable and hypocritical too. I'm actually surprised your seeing your family every xmas and relegating dh's family to an hour or two on xmas morning, hasn't caused more problems between you and dh. You sound very selfish.

OzzieFem · 16/10/2016 07:30

When my sister and I were little (pre and primary) we would wake up to find Xmas presents at the bottom of our beds. There would always be an apple, orange and chocolates in a game box with the presents. This unsurprisingly kept us out of mum and grandma"s way while they got up when they felt like it and started Xmas dinner.

Your kids are old enough to do this but I get that you might like to watch them open their presents. Personally I would be annoyed to have visitors at 0800 on any day, let alone Xmas.

TataEs · 16/10/2016 07:33

contrary to MN belief i don't think it's unreasonable to not want to share that part of christmas day. my ILs came round during the present opening.
we are quite calm and take turns and present opening so far has ended up taking all day as ds will open something, and then play with it a bit before moving on.
my ILs kept shoving presents in his face and when he wasn't opening them fast enough would open them for him, and it all ended up quite frantic and stressful and i was expected to take a back seat on my absolute favourite morning of the year. never again.

the fact that you see your family every year could be construed as unfair but i think that's a separate issue.

MoreCoffeeNow · 16/10/2016 07:37

Cancel dinner with your family and have his family to you for dinner instead if you don't want them there too early they can come after the swim.

Not sure why your family are more important than DH's. You've been to them every year. Inlaws' turn now or neither.

FrancisCrawford · 16/10/2016 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohdearme1958 · 16/10/2016 07:41

OP, it all sounds very lopsided. I think you need to even it all out a bit.

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