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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 16/10/2016 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nishky · 16/10/2016 09:57

So when fil comes he brings presents for the children and watches them open them?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/10/2016 09:59

That's how we've always done it and he has been fine with it until I decided that I wanted the morning alone.

Well yes because you are wanting to virtually cut his parents out with not altering anything you do with your family at all.

BombadierFritz · 16/10/2016 09:59

if your parents wanted to see them open their presents, would you say no? (genuine q)

your dh seems happy to let you spend most of the family time with your side of the family, so i'd let this slide. my kids are up at 5 opening presents. 8am would seem like lunchtime :) yeah, its not great for you, but in the context of time spent with each side of the family, it sounds ok

Nishky · 16/10/2016 10:00

I think that's fine navyandwhite I have a relative who does this every year. Takes the children out for a whole day between Christmas and New Year and lets them choose their own stuff. They love it

MrEBear · 16/10/2016 10:00

Any reason MIL & FiL can't come at the same time?

TataEs · 16/10/2016 10:00

people are going on like everyone desperately wants to spend xmas with her! he DH might have bros/sis with kids that DFIL might rather have lunch with, the StepMIL might have children and grandchildren who she'd rather spend xmas with. people would say i was unreasonable cos we never see my dad at xmas, but that's cos he doesn't want to cook a dinner, and we live in a flat with only space for a small (4) table, so couldn't have my dad, his gf, nan and grandad (who would have to come or they've be alone), equally my nan and grandad, who have my dad, his gf, my uncle and his gf for lunch, couldn't fit the 4 of us in their flat either. so usually we do boxing day or the 27th with him. personally i think squeezing someone in at 8am on xmas morning before going swimming doesn't seem particularly accommodating to the OP! i don't want guests at 8am on a normal day, let alone christmas.

therootoftheroot · 16/10/2016 10:01

so you spend christmas eve with your family and then spend christmas day with your famil and yet you resent your husband's parent a couple of hours? give your head a wobble!

NavyandWhite · 16/10/2016 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucyLot · 16/10/2016 10:04

YABU. Can you see from your OP it's all about you and your family? What about your husband and his? Just ask your FIL to let the children open the boxes themselves it doesn't have to be a major confrontation and say beforehand you just want the two of them there. Don't deny them the chance to see their grandchildren. Alternatively could you invite them to join you and your parents for Christmas lunch?

I get really riled by women who call the shots and push out the DH and his side after having kids.

GinIsIn · 16/10/2016 10:05

Your explanation isn't making it any better - of course he has a problem with it now, because you aren't just saying you want the morning alone, you are saying you would prefer his DF wasn't there!

You sound very immature, and you need to try and see this from your DH's point of view. Why should your family get Christmas Eve & Christmas Day, whilst you begrudge his family an hour!!

Nishky · 16/10/2016 10:05

Not Christmas Day- we see them on Christmas Eve. It's not a condition of Christmas visiting that you bring presents. Not really what it is about is it?

Original poster

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 10:06

I don't really understand how I'm cutting them out by wanting to move the time they come by a few hours once the swim is finished 🤔 Hardly saying don't come at all.

I'm not controlling at all with his family. He hates it when his dad comes round and he's always moaning because his mum never bothers either. We try include them but they're so busy with their lives that they aren't as interested in the GC. Which is fine for them but my family WANT to be there. If my Auntie doesn't get to see them at all during the week, she'll pop over on a Sunday for an hour to see them.

My family are probably a bit too close but it's normal for me. My dad died when I was 2 and his side of the family only bother at birthday and Christmas (but I phone my grandad once a month to catch up and update him on the children).

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 16/10/2016 10:06

Why can't you do your presents as soon as you get up?!

Then your Fil can interact and open his with his grandchildren

NameChanged38a · 16/10/2016 10:07

OP - it's Christmas, and they're family.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 16/10/2016 10:09

When are you suggesting that FIL comes over then. What time would suit you?

GinIsIn · 16/10/2016 10:10

Let's try this again - you are trying to make every single thing about Christmas what is best for you. Your DH does not feel this is ok. You can claim all you want that he hates it when his DF comes round but if he did he wouldn't be upset with you trying to change it now. I expect your FIL doesn't want to come after the swim as then he'd be running into MIL. 8am may not be the shiny and ideal time for you, but can you not just bloody suck it up for one hour a year when everything else clearly has to go exactly your way?!

Nishky · 16/10/2016 10:11

Yes Fenella . Exactly that.

NavyandWhite · 16/10/2016 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joinourclub · 16/10/2016 10:13

I was feeling understanding about wanting the morning to yourself. I have said that I don't want my in laws over Christmas morning as I want that for just us and the kids. But I'm having them over for lunch! Banning them for the whole day seems unreasonable, especially when you go to your family every year. Is it just the two of them? Can they join you at your aunties?

NavyandWhite · 16/10/2016 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohdearme1958 · 16/10/2016 10:14

My family are probably a bit too close but it's normal for me

I think you sound like a really close and loving family who enjoy each others company. But from someone who's family is the same I still think you need to even things up a bit.

On a different note do you think FIL is maybe thinking if I don't go there first thing they'll think Im putting the swim before the kids on Christmas Day?

Only1scoop · 16/10/2016 10:14

'I've decided' you can sure see who's in charge in your gaff....don't think 'hubby' gets much of a say.

It all sounds extremely childish with everyone's allocated slots having to be assigned by the rosterer ie .... Also you say all this 'just us and the DC' is how it should be. You seem to spend every other waking hour with your parents, aunts etc.
His family aren't close? Sounds like they don't get chance to see each other....

Nishky · 16/10/2016 10:15

Did he take them to toys r us though?

ohdearme1958 · 16/10/2016 10:16

Banning them for the whole day seems unreasonable,

The OP isn't banning them for the whole day. She only wants them to delay coming for an hour or so.

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