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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 16/10/2016 07:42

Yes the present thing is annoying, but if you expect your DH to spend every Christmas plus 4 hours every Saturday with your family, then the least you can do is be accommodating about 1 bloody hour! YABVVVU!

BakeOffBiscuits · 16/10/2016 07:43

I wouldnt like them taking over either but if you spend all afternoon with your DHs family, you can't stop them coming for an hour.

If I were you I wouldn't put out half the presents in the morning so FIL can be there for half of present opening. When they've left the children can "find" the other half hidden in a cupboard or somewhere, so they get to open them in peace.

Only1scoop · 16/10/2016 07:43

Maybe have Christmas lunch with them for once then they can come to you later.

dalmatianmad · 16/10/2016 07:45

No way would I have bloody visitors on Xmas day and certainly wouldn't have 2 relatives that I'd never met before!
Tell them they can pop round later in the day or Boxing day if that suits you?

MrsRyanGosling15 · 16/10/2016 07:48

User and snap any reason why you think you have the right to tell people what words to use? Grow up.

I don't actually think YABU. I doubt many people realistically would want others at their house at 8am on Christmas morning. No one had any idea what her 'hubby' thinks or why they have dinner where they do. Maybe the in laws dont want them for dinnet? It seems strange that you are just expected to fit in with their plans every year. I wouldn't have anyone in my home at that time on Christmas morning, especially pushing me out from helping my children.

mygorgeousmilo · 16/10/2016 07:50

I do think 8am is too early, and if they want to see them opening presents, then they should ring some of their own, and come along after the swimming. The point at which you start to seem unreasonable though, is when you say you spend every Saturday with your family (including hubbyDP?) and that you spend Christmas with them. You can't see that by shutting out his parents that that's quite unkind and unfair? Relegating them to another day is quite hurtful I think, and FIL "taking over" could be understood as being quite sweet, that he wants to be involved and be hands on, at least he's not just sat in a chair moaning! You either can stand to be around other people at Christmas or you can't - if you did the whole of Christmas Day with just you, your partner and kids then fine if that's what you want, but if you're happy to be around one family then you should be happy to be around the other.

youarenotkiddingme · 16/10/2016 07:59

I actually don't think it's unreasonable to want to spend Xmas morning as a family with kids opening presents.

But the tone of your post and comments about seeing your family come across very sneery.

Personally why not invite the IL for a cooked breakfast - I'm sure they'd appreciate it as they leave home early and are going to beach and then let them open presents from IL.

Perhaps the fact you very clearly boast about how much time you spend with your family means FIL has to be pushy to get some time with you all?

pinkblink · 16/10/2016 08:03

I would hate that, I like opening our presents together and having breakfast as a family before we see anyone else, it must feel like such an intrusion Confused maybe put most of the kids presents in stockings and around your bed and just put a couple downstairs so once they have left you can go and open the rest together in bed?

OnionKnight · 16/10/2016 08:04

YABU and you know it.

Ragwort · 16/10/2016 08:04

Why don't you keep some presents back until after they have left, your FIL can open 'his' presents to the children and enjoy putting them together, you can watch and have a decent cup of coffee or something stronger and then when they have left for the swim you can have another 'present ceremony' as a family?

Personally I think it is over whelming for children to have a great pile of presents - much better to spread them out a bit.

And what are your DH's views on this, as in so many cases it seems to be the mother who 'dominates' the Christmas arrangements. Hmm

Chrisinthemorning · 16/10/2016 08:07

I don't think YABU. I wouldn't want anyone but DH and DS there at 8am Christmas morning. It's our immediate family time.
I do think it's importent to make time to see all sides of the family over the Christmas period, but you say you would be happy to see them later in the day.

FreshHorizons · 16/10/2016 08:10

The answer is simply not to go to your family every year- hardly fair.
Make changes. Do Christmas dinner at home and invite in-laws. See your family on Boxing Day.
As I see it your poor PIL try and get in the only slot you leave them. Do it your way and give them a Christmas Day slot of your choosing.
Ragwort has sensible solution if you are not willing to be fair to your families.

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/10/2016 08:12

Agree Ragwort - keep some presents for after FIL & SMIL have gone to watch the swimming.

Or keep their presents until after the swimming & have them stay for a bit of lunch.

Like some PP have said I think it's crazy that you see your family for a significant chunk of every single weekend - do you never have a whole weekend just as your little family? Just because they are geographically close doesn't mean you have to be in each other's pockets all the time.

PeggyMitchell123 · 16/10/2016 08:12

Do understand it would be nice to open presents together but as others have said it is not fair for your family to see the children for hours on Christmas Day and your in laws only get an hour. Surely you can put up with your fil for an hour so he can see his grandchildren in recognition you will be seeing all of your family later in the day.

mangolandin · 16/10/2016 08:13

I think you need to suck it up and get over it if you go to your family for Christmas Day EVERY year.

mangolandin · 16/10/2016 08:14

I think you need to suck it up and get over it if you go to your family for Christmas Day EVERY year.

SavoyCabbage · 16/10/2016 08:16

Tell them you'd love to see them after the swim this year and have them for lunch. Your dc can open the presents from them then. With Christmas being on a Sunday this year, it's perfect as you will have spent 3-4 hours with your family the day before.

timeforabrewnow · 16/10/2016 08:17

The reason it's the mother who 'dominates' the Christmas arrangements is quite often because the bloke could not give one.

Now I'm ready for the army of right -on mumsnetters who will tell me I'm wrong. They are out in full strength this morning telling the OP how wrong she is.

OP - I don;t think YABU - or maybe you are. we don't know, as we don't know the husbands parents and what they're like.

Justputyourshoesonnow · 16/10/2016 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberrypenguin · 16/10/2016 08:21

YAB a bit U. You can't insist on seeing your parents on Christmas Day but not your PIL. However the taking over of the present opening would annoy me too. Maybe you need to ask that FIL only helps with the gift from them and let and DH help with the others as well.
Or change how you do Christmas. PIL on Christmas Eve, no one on the day and your parents Boxing Day for example.

lostowl · 16/10/2016 08:23

I think 8am on Christmas morning is very unreasonable and borderline ridiculous. I cherish Christmas morning and love seeing my children open the presents just the 4 of us.

Do what you want to do. It's one day a year.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/10/2016 08:27

YABVU

You spend every Christmas with your family and go to your Aunties every weekend for half a day yet you think it's unfair that your DH parents come over for an hour or two on Christmas morning.

That imo is quite selfish.

They also aren't just your children. They are also your DH too.

pizzapop · 16/10/2016 08:31

Do what you want to do. It's one day a year.*

Yeah do what YOU want, who gives a shit about anyone else eh.

midcenturymodern · 16/10/2016 08:33

Are you saying your DP isn't close to his Dad because he only sees him once a fortnight?

It's entirely possibly that they don't want to drag themselves out of bed at 6.30 on Christmas morning to get to your house for 8, but as you go to your family every year then when else would you see each other? YANBU to not want them at 8am but YABU to say that they can't come at all because your family see each other once a week (close) and his see each other once a fortnight (not close).

Maybe they could come for brunch after the swim (would mean seeing your family later, probably)

Maybe they could come for supper (would mean leaving your family earlier)

NavyandWhite · 16/10/2016 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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