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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/10/2016 09:18

What 'made-up things are you referring to, Piglet ?

Reading between the lines means you are guessing. No one knows if you are 'guessing' correctly or not.

tofutti · 18/10/2016 09:26

Which is why I asked the questions, Piglet. Asking questions is not guessing.

Nanny0gg · 18/10/2016 09:35

Instead, many have rammed the 'welcome your FIL' message down OP's throat, driving her away from the thread.

Little bit of hyperbole there, don't you think?

The OP raised an AIBU thread. She got a variety of replies. I don't think any of them were of a level to 'drive her away from the thread'. Unless of course she was one of those posters who only like posts that agree with them.
Or alternatively, she's a bit busy...

Notmuchtosay1 · 18/10/2016 13:30

I haven't read all replies. Coming from a smallish family I would love visitors at Christmas because we don't see anyone. Just myself, OH and 3 children.
Why don't you do the present opening later when they are gone if you think it's mum and dad time. Just do the presents to and from the in laws when they are there. My children get their stockings early, then once Dad has fed all the cattle etc and has come indoors the children have their main present each. All other presents are opened after Christmas lunch. So it doesn't all have to be done early. Sometimes mine have saved a few till Boxing Day. It makes Christmas last longer.

oldlaundbooth · 18/10/2016 17:55

Reindeer food? Like, a carrot?

Soubriquet · 18/10/2016 18:14

No reindeer food is porridge oats and glitter

You sprinkle it on your drive way to encourage the reindeers to stop

we have some this year

oldlaundbooth · 18/10/2016 18:58

Ah glitter, of course! Thanks soubriquet Grin

Nice username BTW, my French DH would be most impressed if I had that one!

Soubriquet · 18/10/2016 19:03
Wink
plasmina · 18/10/2016 19:09

YANBU - the grandparents already had their time for Christmas morning present opening and putting together with their own kids. They are your kids, you should be the one doing the Christmas morning present activities. Why can't they come over late morning or are you already at your parents house? Also, I don't see what is wrong with seeing one side on the eve or boxing day. That is what my family does. Or host the dinner yourself and invite both sets of parents. My family is half European and Christmas Eve is actually the big day to them so I don't think YaBU. I don't quite understand the British focus on just Christmas day.

FionaGatwick · 18/10/2016 19:43

OP, I think because of your busy Christmas activities, your FIL only has a small window when he could come. Later in the day, he might also have his own plans.

If I were you, I'd suck it up - it's just one hour in a year, and it's Christmas. Let FIL open his presents for the kids. Then open yours when he's gone if it's really a big deal to you. :)

Whathaveilost · 18/10/2016 19:48

YABU to use the word "hubby'
No she's not. She can use any word she wants to describe her husband.

leighb23 · 18/10/2016 23:12

But why would anybody say she WAS BU to call him hubby? I'm confused, please help!! Send in the clowns... err oh actually mebbe not!

user1476140278 · 18/10/2016 23:24

I think it's because it's twee as fuck.

"Hubby" is fine if you're talking to your husband and that's what you like to call him but to use pet names when discussing a loved one with other people is just...no.

I knew girl who referred to her boyfriend as "Mr Snooks" at all times.

Mr Snooks bought me flowers today.

Mr Snooks wants us to go on holiday next week

It's somehow a bit yuk.

tofutti · 19/10/2016 06:05

User - 'hubby' is not a pet name, it's the informal version of husband.

Regardless of whether anyone likes it or not, it's rude and obnoxious to berate women for using it.

I think it's just the same as men calling their wife 'missus'.

ZoeTurtle · 19/10/2016 08:53

I hope the people berating OP for saying 'hubby' don't use the awful, twee 'DH'.

NavyandWhite · 19/10/2016 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leighb23 · 19/10/2016 08:59

Thank you for the explanation, User - at least someone responded! Personally I'd rather use hubby (which I do if in talking to someone who doesn't know/hasn't met him) than "darling husband" which reeks of pretentiousness to me, I'm afraid!

NavyandWhite · 19/10/2016 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 19/10/2016 09:06

You may prefer hubby but don't expect posters to not keep "having a go" about it I'm afraid.

Whilst the rest of us look on, rolling our eyes at the need some have to dictate to someone that they mustn't use words that are deemed "twee".

I'm going to use "The Hubster" from now on.

(If I were married)

NavyandWhite · 19/10/2016 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 19/10/2016 09:23

Nope - I am happy to be an equal opportunity eye roller.

Telling someone their choice of language is twee or pretentious is snobbish and I reserve the right to eye roll at it.

I don't like the language police or the grammar police. Women put each other down far too much. If you can understand what someone is saying then rein yourself in when objecting to their punctuation or what they call their hubster. Or don't, because I'm not the language police, but I will passive aggressively eyeroll at it none the less.

NavyandWhite · 19/10/2016 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApplesinmyPocket · 19/10/2016 09:33

Long ago, a little group on MN decided there were some words that didn't fit with the MN image of smart feisty strong women, 'hubby' being one of them. Now, whenever it's used, some will rush in and post a sneer, thinking they're ever so 'in' and clever, confident they have the protection of some non-existent MN Hive Mind that universally approves of sneering at posters who dare to use it and other "non-MN words."

It's really unpleasant and yes, snobbish.

Soubriquet · 19/10/2016 09:33

I don't like hubby/hubster/hubs

But I won't pull anyone up on them. That's their language

It's not the point of the thread. The thread is about the FIL.

pizzapop · 19/10/2016 09:37

I call my dh hubbywubbychubalub.