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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want Hubby's parents over Christmas morning

319 replies

Bananamama1213 · 16/10/2016 06:41

Our children are 3 and 4. Every year since they've been born, hubby's dad and Step-mum invite themselves over at 8am because it fits in with them going to a Christmas swim at the beach (to watch). They live 30 minutes away.

His dad takes over with presents. He will sit down on the floor and help then open them and then open up all the boxes and put things together. I hate it because he pushes me out and I can never enjoy the morning as a family.

They are my children, I believe that it's okay for me as a mother to have the morning with my children.

Last year he brought 2 of his sisters down who me and kids have never met before! (We've been together 8 years). So kids were nervous opening them. It was very overwhelming having 4 extra adults in my front room.

I'm thinking that they can come over later or Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. We go to my family every year as we all live down the same road and have Christmas dinner there. We hadn't seen his mum for two months until today, and his dad we see fortnightly. Whereas my family is so close, we all go to my Aunties on a Saturday for 3-4 hours!

OP posts:
Ausernotanumber · 16/10/2016 08:38

Has to be a reverse , surely?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/10/2016 08:40

Yabu, and if you didnt know it, well you do now.

FreshHorizons · 16/10/2016 08:41

Whether it is for real or a wind up it brings out the worst in selfishness with some people in 'do what YOU want' and to hell with anyone else! Who would think that Christmas was about peace, love and joy to all!!

originalmavis · 16/10/2016 08:42

If ask them over for a post swim Christmas brunch.

FreshHorizons · 16/10/2016 08:42

If you live in the same road as your family there is no need at all to have Christmas dinner with them every year.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 16/10/2016 08:46

Im assuming it must be Navy. Certainly pushes all the right buttons Grin. I was interested to read about Sycadelic's set up. Can't see any mention of her family at all!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 16/10/2016 08:47

, really OP, do you think you're being reasonable and fair?

You're on the wind up or completely oblivious to how your InLaws are treated.

portico · 16/10/2016 08:47

Funny that Bananamama 1213 has not responded. She us clearly happy with the status quo f mixing with her side of the family regularly, and have Christmas dinner with them every year. The only time available is Christmas morning. Think husband needs to grow a pair and have mor equitable time with his family, too.

Ausernotanumber · 16/10/2016 08:50

When I was with my ex I never got to spend Christmas with my family. I never got big events like birthdays with them either. He was an abusive man and I think that was one of the red flags for his emotional abuse.

MarthasHarbour · 16/10/2016 08:50

I am hyperventilating at the thought of visiting my aunty and all the rest of them for 4 hours EVERY Saturday Shock DH would have LTB (me!!) by now. And I would need therapy Wink

We see both of our families circa one every 2 months (we live away). We are all sufficiently close.

OP why do you go to your parents every year? Can you not host for a change? Have them all over? This is what my sister does as it is easier for them so her DCs see both families.

MarthasHarbour · 16/10/2016 08:54

And by 'sufficiently close' I mean we know where we all are if we need each other but we are all independent and get on with our own lives except-maybe DSis who at the age of 39 is way too dependent on DM and DDad

Muddlingthroughtoo · 16/10/2016 08:55

YABU, and seeing as you haven't responded at all, it seems you don't like to admit it.
I would LOVE for someone to open all those boxes, ties and finger slicing plastic packaging! I hate that part!

Soubriquet · 16/10/2016 08:59

Yep you're being selfish

Get up earlier or hide some presents away so you can have your "perfect" Christmas

You go to your mums every single year. Why can't your in-laws come in the morning and spend time with their grandchildren too?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/10/2016 09:02

Each Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, we spend at my parents' house. We have family friends over and it's a big thing. The same routine happens every year because it's tradition.

We always arrange to spend a few days with DP's family as well. Usually for New Year. We try to make it like Christmas.

The difference is, the magic of Christmas still exists at my parents' house because our family friends have a young daughter. Also, my DSis and I are both Christmas fanatics so it makes it more exciting for DD. DP's family are all adults and very chilled about Christmas so the magic isn't there. They often go on holiday instead which is something that just doesn't compute with me. We can do Christmas with them on any day (and we always make the effort to go and see them every year for a few days) but actual Christmas only happens once when you are little.

If DP's family were more into the whole Christmas thing and my parents's weren't, we would swap it round. It's not a favouritism towards my family.

Ausernotanumber · 16/10/2016 09:03

I'm sorry beingatwat but I don't think that's very fai too you oh

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/10/2016 09:06

Back to the OP though, when I first opened this thread, I thought you were going to say that they wouldn't let the DC open their presents whilst they were there or something. Not that they get down on the floor and play with them. No, they don't need to open them for them but putting them together is not a crime. Most people would appreciate that.

I think YABU and YANBU. You are because what they do when they are there is nice for them and your DC. You aren't because I understand the need to have Christmas a certain way. It's hard to break those traditions.

NataliaOsipova · 16/10/2016 09:09

The reason it's the mother who 'dominates' the Christmas arrangements is quite often because the bloke could not give one.

Agree with this. If I didn't "dominate" the arrangements there wouldn't be any! Plus - why is there an expectation of absolute equality at Christmas? It surely depends on how the individual family dynamics work? For example - my mum helps us out a fair amount. My dad (they're divorced) doesn't and sees my DC when it suits him. My PILs (who live the closest!) never show any interest in the DC whatsoever and have helped me out precisely twice in ten years (one of which involved my being taken to hospital, but only to look after the kids for 45 minutes while I was actually taken there and no offers of help when I got out with small children to contend with!). So why should all Christmas arrangements be split equally between them?

Phalenopsisgirl · 16/10/2016 09:09

Annoying as this must be, you need to head it off with an alternative, invite them to Christmas Eve supper or 'Tea' on Christmas Day in the afternoon/early evening. They fit the visit in early because it suits them going to the beach and then probably have a drink in the afternoon so it's unlikely they would want to do the tea however. It's not acceptable to descend on hosts (who haven't specifically invited you) at 8am! Family or not. I think I would just say you want a bit of time in your dressing gown this year and you aren't such early risers so could they come after the beach thing and then plan to push your lunch back, it is perfectly acceptable to to request guests come from 10am onwards and you shouldn't feel embarrassed to not have your day dictated by fitting in with their routine.

Nishky · 16/10/2016 09:10

I really don't get the 'we want to open presents as a FAMILY' - my patents and dh's parents are part of our family.

My parents used to arrive on Christmas Eve and stay for two nights. Now they live nearer they are arriving on Christmas Day and I am a bit peeved.

I will be the only one having a g and t whilst peeling veg at 2pm on Christmas Eve

Dh's parents stay at home for Christmas now as they live abroad and that makes me a bit sad.

MarthasHarbour · 16/10/2016 09:10

That set up sounds stifling to me beingatwat Hmm

Nishky · 16/10/2016 09:10

Patents? parents

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 16/10/2016 09:10

Ausernotanumber, my DP has never expressed any upset about this.

We spend time with his family all year. We go on holiday with them and they are included in any family plans we make for birthdays or anything.

As I said, if it was the other way around at Christmas, I would have no issue. I just like Christmas to be exciting and magical for my DD, with children her age.

Nishky · 16/10/2016 09:12

Sounds great to me beingatwat

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 16/10/2016 09:13

As a PP has said, picking OP up on 'hubby' is unkind. 'Hubby' makes my teeth itch TBH but if that's the term she uses then that's up to her. She could call him 'ShitheadTwatBadger' and it shouldn't make any difference.

In terms of the OP YABU I'm afraid. You see your family every single year; your DC have two sets of GPs. However you need to get your DH to have a quiet word about them taking over, as I can understand that this would be frustrating. Your alternative is to keep back some of the presents and have a separate opening once the ILs have gone, so that everyone gets to enjoy their time.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/10/2016 09:14

I understand wanting Xmas morning with just your own family, but you should accommodate them somewhere.

Going to Xmas with your family every year, regardless of how often you see either family at other times seems very one sided and your dhs family already seem sidelined in your priorities.

What does your dh think about this, sounds like he not proactively involving his family and just going sling with what you decide?