Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School runs arent that difficult?

281 replies

Mildinsanity · 05/10/2016 09:22

AIBU?
My DP and I work full time with a 1.5hr commute eith way so DCs dad comes and does the childcare/ school runs etc.

End of last term I recieved a letter from the school saying the DCs are repeatedly late in and if it continues they will make a report to the welfare people.

I spoke to DCs dad and he apologised and said it wont happen again and he'll ensure they get there on time.

Which brings us to today, I have a very rare day off work (own buisness so DP and I schedules are usually jam packed to try and make ends meet) and DCs dad says he will still do the school run.
He arrives at 7am as usual and gets the kids up so I can try and get some rest.
8.50 and they have only just left (school starts at 8.50 and its a 10 minute walk).

Now it could be they are having a particulary bad morning but I dont believe thats the case.

I went downstairs to hurry them up at 8.30 because I know they should be ready and leaving and they werent even dressed ready, I hurried them to get dressed as they were apparently ignoring their dad but he didnt seem all that bothered to encorage them as he was outside with a fag.

If this is what it is like everyday no wonder they are late, he just doesnt seem bothered and says they wont listen to him.
I think its his job as a parent (he doesnt work btw) to make them listen and ensure they leave on time.

AIBU to think it doesnt take nearly 2 hours to get 4 DCs (3,6,7,8) ready for school?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 05/10/2016 13:05

What's going on?

Well generally - dawdling, getting distracted, arguing, getting lost in a book, not being able to find a jumper (the kids) and shouting and chivvying (me). We have never been late but it has been close sometimes and I only have 2 of them.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 05/10/2016 13:15

She hasn't been flamed

fuzzyfozzy · 05/10/2016 13:32

We used to get them to get dressed first, then breakfast (with a pinny over uniform if they were unreliable). Stuff organised and ready to leave. Then if there's time there was TV time with an alarm set for leave the house time.

bbcessex · 05/10/2016 14:26

I can understand why he's your ex.

He needs to pull his finger out.. his job is to do the school run. . That includes getting them there on time.

Afreshstartplease · 05/10/2016 14:37

I am currently on maternity leave (38 weeks)

I get up at 730 and leave for school at 8.40

In those 70 mins I -

Get myself dressed and teeth brushed
Get 3 year old fed, teeth brushed and dressed
Prompt 7+8 year olds to eat and get dressed, supervise their teeth
Make two packed lunches
Check everyone's bags are packed
Prompt shoes and coats on

Often we can be ready for 8.20. Yes it's constant prompting and reminding and double checking but it's not that hard

Popsicle434544 · 05/10/2016 15:02

I hav 5dc's aged between 2 and 17, 2 different schools, the oldest walks her self.
I work fulltime, My kids hav never been late.
I think its all down to organisation, packed luches made night b4, clean uniform laid out, breakfast table laid, shoes by front door with packed school bags.
My friend has 1 dc and shes late every day!

JenLindleyShitMom · 05/10/2016 15:34

I got up at 8 this morning and we left the house at 8.40.

In that time I woke DC( 7 and 11) hoked out socks and pants for them and put them in their rooms, showered, dressed (including blow drying long hair and make up) signed two permission slips, checked DC teeth. DC dressed themselves, fed themselves, fed the cats and dog, brushed their teeth made their packed lunches and put their coats and shoes on. (Smaller DS is currently being assessed for ADHD and autism if that is relevant)

MrsMook · 05/10/2016 16:57

I'm a faffer, so when we started the school routine, I wrote out a list of what we needed to do by what time trying to balance buffer time without too much spare to get complacent. School is a 5 min walk away at child pace, so I aim to be out of the house 15 minutes before school starts so there is some slack for whatever impediment gets thrown in the way.

Is the root of the problem that he's badly motivated? Logistics? Is this situation any connection to the fact that he is now an ex?

He should be able to do it, and it's a small price to pay for having no other cost to jis children.

miserablesod · 05/10/2016 18:07

Actually i agree. It isn't that hard. I have 10 kids and they have never been late for school. Ever.

Nakatomi · 05/10/2016 18:10

I am never amazed how long it can take to get kids ready. Went on a school trip abroad over the summer and it drove me mental how long it took 30 kids to get ready to leave the hotel. I can imagine it takes just as long with less.

JenLindleyShitMom · 05/10/2016 18:11

Shock 10 kids!!

NNChangeAgain · 05/10/2016 18:16

I haven't read the whole thread, but have seen that this has only been in place for 4 months - prior to which your DCs didn't have regular parenting from their dad?

I'm not surprised they behave differently for him than they do for you, OP. The relationship between all DCs and their NR parent is very different from the one they have with their RP. And your DCs relationship with their dad is still developing.

Give them time.

spankhurst · 05/10/2016 18:21

I don't get kids being late for school every day. I'm a teacher and there's always one or two kids that come in late almost every day. I live 20 miles away and I'm there on time. DS has never been late to school once, even when I have to get him ready and to school before dashing off myself. Lateness is a form of rudeness in my opinion. So your ex needs to up his game!

gettingitwrongputingitright · 05/10/2016 18:22

FGS hes their father.Shock and he doesnt pay for their keep. Its the least the lazy fecker can do. Rocket up his arse I reckon op.

JenLindleyShitMom · 05/10/2016 18:40

Give them time.

And in the meantime they just continue to miss school? No, not an option. This needs sorted now, as in today. He doesn't get a free pass to take his time following the rules. Not when it's as important as school. Everyone else manages to get to school on time and plenty with far more difficult circumstances each morning.

Greengager · 05/10/2016 18:40

Being persistently late is not acceptable or fair on the kids. I've got a 6 year old who can take 20 mins to get a single sock on if you leave him unsupervised so I know it can be tough but he's not trying very hard is he? What helps with us is dividing the morning into set time periods. The kitchen closes at 8 so breakfast has to be before that time. 0800-0810 is getting dressed time. 0810-0815 is checking book bags water bottles etc you can play for 10 minutes then 0825 is shoes on time and 0830 is leave the house time (even though we could wait another five minutes and still be okay)

Greengager · 05/10/2016 18:42

Was going to add the kids are aware of this timetable and know what happens then. Yours are old enough to help dad stay on track!

NNChangeAgain · 05/10/2016 18:44

FGS hes their father

He's their non-resident father who the OP implied has been very distant in their lives as a parent until recently.

Enforcing his will on them by turning up every morning to their home as their primary care leaves is likely to be very emotionally traumatic for them.

Of course, I'm sure he could get them to school on time - but is it worth it, no matter what the cost to them?

JenLindleyShitMom · 05/10/2016 18:49

I don't think OP has said anything about her DC being traumatised by their father's presence. I'm sure she would have mentioned if this was the case. It would be pretty relevant.

NNChangeAgain · 05/10/2016 19:12

jen she's not there, so hardly knows. And if you believe that DCs display their trauma and upset in nice neat, easy to read behaviour, then that goes against all the advice elsewhere on MN.
Poor behaviour, acting out, refusing to comply are all classic signs of upset DCs.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for them. Their whole morning routine changed 4 months ago - in between, there's been a long school holiday and they unsurprisingly are struggling to adapt. Yes, their Dad could wade in, and be authoritarian, but will it do any good?

When I see posts from other parents saying they are frequently late for school, all the solutions advised revolve around preparation the night before and getting up earlier. The OPs ex doesn't have that option.

JenLindleyShitMom · 05/10/2016 19:22

jen she's not there, so hardly knows.

Well unless she is entirely disconnected with her children, she would know.

Look I can see you're trying very hard to excuse this man for whatever reason but it really is clutching at straws. Like I said, plenty of other people with far more difficult circumstances manage to get their DC to school on time. If what you suggest is happening, is, and he isn't being lazy then he would have raised it as a concerned parent wanting to fix the problem that saw his children missing school everyday. No?

Secretmetalfan · 05/10/2016 19:23

He obviously can't do the job, so it's irrelevant how hard it easy it is tbh. Unlikely he will suddenly get organisational skills. Can you draw him up a timetable? But given he is obviously crap At this I think I would have used my day off to help and show him how it's sone rather than lying in bed.

miserablesod · 05/10/2016 19:26

Yes 10.
Yes we work.
Yes they all have the same father.
Yes they were all planned.
Yes the house is clean and tidy.
And finally yes they are well behaved and well mannered children.
Oh and yes we have a TV Grin

NNChangeAgain · 05/10/2016 19:26

If what you suggest is happening, is, and he isn't being lazy then he would have raised it as a concerned parent wanting to fix the problem that saw his children missing school everyday. No?

I agree, although the OP says he's not aware of the letters she's received, so he may not appreciate the significance?
Plenty of people post on MN that they hadn't realised the importance of school punctuality.

I'm not defending him - just trying to see things from the DCs perspective - by all accounts it's a very unusual set up, and as the DCs get older, it's going to be more difficult for them.

JenLindleyShitMom · 05/10/2016 19:29

Yes 10.
Yes we work.
Yes they all have the same father.
Yes they were all planned.
Yes the house is clean and tidy.
And finally yes they are well behaved and well mannered children.
Oh and yes we have a TV grin

Grin I'm just in awe of your, umm, strength of character? I have two and it's hard!

Swipe left for the next trending thread